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nice job
could use a little pruning but some nice lines here
Like that first stanza
and I agree with previous commenter about the pruning in that sticking with one metaphor/image like the first stanza. It kind of reminds me of how endorphins flood the central nervous system.
LUST WILL NEVER TRICKLE
given the right incentive it floods. TK U MLJ LV NV
Ditto
I agree with Neo and erectus - they said it well. You have a sensual poem here that can get even better.
I love this line: "my hands long to touch you in unspeakable places."
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