Your story was Very arousing and HOT .... great start to a sudden brother-sister sex story. Yes, please a next chapter of what they do together in their own room once in Florida. Some extra details about them would be great but she needs to teach her brother some things to make him a super lover. Of course she'll have to see how well he does :) Thanks.
by
Anonymous03/31/16
A Good Start
Please ignore the "Total load of crap" moron. Apparently that person isn't intelligent enough to understand that the overfilled middle seat would block the mirror view.
At any rate, not really into the piss thing, but generally enjoyed your story. It is a bit rushed and I generally like more than 1 page at a time, but pretty decent.
The story itself is actually pritty good. It is sexy and fun, without drawing out on the minor details too much.
But it also doesn't draw on them quite enough. How were they able to have oral sex in the same car as their parents without getting caught. Were they in a camper van? or maybe a reallllly long car? The reader can sort of make it up and fill in most of the gaps themselves though.
You may want to consider using an editor too. I'm no expert myself, however sometimes you use the wrong word in the right place. I'm still learning more about grammar and spelling myself.
Really good story though, and it did exactly what you wanted. To make the audiance horny ;)
I have to admit I loved and and can't wait for a second chapter and hopefully they get it on in the car and then at a rest stop along the way to Florida.
by
Anonymous04/01/16
Pretty good
The storyline itself was entertaining enough, just need a little more depth in conversation and a fair amount of editing.
by
Anonymous04/01/16
Write your OWN stuff!!!
This story was copied from another previously written story.
by
Anonymous04/01/16
Good story, not original, but not copied either....
Good story and I have similar comments to all the others - but everyone needs an editor as it is way too easy to miss minor (but irritating) mistakes. Regarding the comment that you copied the story, that probably refers to Edharian story "Enjoying the Drive" which is similar, but not identical (unless there is another I missed). There are many stories with similar themes - yours has a different take on the "vacation to Florida theme" and is actually quite original and a fun read. So keep writing and enjoy what you are doing. But get an editor - if not a lit one, use a friend or work colleague.
by
Anonymous04/01/16
Good job!
Wonder if they'll run into any of the truckers they did their show for? You definitely need to reread your story before releasing it, typos are like speedbumps and take away from the flow of the story.
This is definitely not a plagiarized story. There are plenty of stories on this site of people in the backseat of the car. I have not read one that is exactly like mine. Even if there is another story on the site that's similar to mine, I sure as hell didn't copy it. It's kinda hard to copy something you haven't seen before.
The story isn't going to please everyone. If you didn't like it, you didn't have to finish reading it.
For my "chickenshit" bio, first off I don't see why you would care about my bio. Secondly it's not "chickenshit" I just didn't take the time to fill it out. I only created the account to submit the story. The account was created and the story was submitted only seconds apart from each other.
by
Anonymous04/01/16
not bad
Your writing is ok. But I stopped reading when the sister saw her brother's cock for the first time and immediately starts sucking him not bothering that he had just pissed.
by
Anonymous04/01/16
Get an editor!
You'd really help yourself if you found someone to edit your stories before you publish them. It's a hot little story, but the typos and poor word choice (quite when you mean quiet) diminish it for me.
by
Anonymous04/01/16
good start next chapter ASAP
in saying that just a few things
Some background would of been good & #Really dad wouldn't pull over to let him piss
and sis just decided to suck his dick #Really
They just licked sucked each other off had shower together & Spent night alone nude in room yet nothing happened till sis sucked his dick to wake him but didn't cum had to wait for being in car & on the car what sort of car was it ? Luggage in middle them behind it
now after writing above things & i think about it was a touch unbelievable
in saying that liked the story! hope you write & post next chapter in quick time
I liked it next chapter anal and maybe more close calls in other areas rather then the back seat. Though them naked in the back sounded hot though the sis should of rode him and i would have her then fisted in both holes while she had hes cock down her throat....
I have read some of the comments before adding mine. Few things for editing or continuation of story. 1) Add some explanation with ie sister's secret infatuation with pee play that will make her sudden impulse to gobble her brother's "dirty" cock so eagerly/easily. 2) Pee play for not heavy GS addicts avoids morning piss (tastes/smells let's say strongly) and is not healthy (less sterile) all us other's we play "the cheat's way" get rid the first load (some even the 2nd) after some heavy soda or beer drinking! (not a major problem though if you are a happy fetishist reader.) 3) Ask yourself in case of doubt "Would I buy it?" then add your scene! Keep writing! haters happen and can't be avoided!
P.S Unfortunately misconstruction and syntax errors aren't identified by spell checkers!
English
Write a second chapter please
You did a pretty darn good without an editor, I'd say just read it over one more time before submitting and you'll be golden!
nice
Good Job !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hot story !
DougNTexas
Hear, here and too, two mean different things. But the story was pretty good.
nice brother and sister
I love a sister and brother that get along like you two do please lets here more from you two at it
Hot
Very good job. I loved reading stories about siblings i would love to read more .
love It
Love the peeing between brother and sister, very exciting
Nice
Nice keep writing
Great story
Thank you for a well written and arousing story. I look forward to a continuation of the delicious interaction between these sexy siblings.
Your story was Very arousing and HOT .... great start to a sudden brother-sister sex story. Yes, please a next chapter of what they do together in their own room once in Florida. Some extra details about them would be great but she needs to teach her brother some things to make him a super lover. Of course she'll have to see how well he does :) Thanks.
A Good Start
Please ignore the "Total load of crap" moron. Apparently that person isn't intelligent enough to understand that the overfilled middle seat would block the mirror view.
At any rate, not really into the piss thing, but generally enjoyed your story. It is a bit rushed and I generally like more than 1 page at a time, but pretty decent.
Garbage
'Nuff said.
You
Warned us, it was a piss story. pissing with a hard-on? good trick.
Not Bad
you need to develope your characters more n let us know about their responses to one another
ignore mcbtws, hes not got his own story
I would like to see him do better
I think this was a great story, I'm hoping the next chapter will be just as good.
Keep it up, dude!
amazing
I love this, made me so horny!!!!!
Ok, serious feedback.
The story itself is actually pritty good. It is sexy and fun, without drawing out on the minor details too much.
But it also doesn't draw on them quite enough. How were they able to have oral sex in the same car as their parents without getting caught. Were they in a camper van? or maybe a reallllly long car? The reader can sort of make it up and fill in most of the gaps themselves though.
You may want to consider using an editor too. I'm no expert myself, however sometimes you use the wrong word in the right place. I'm still learning more about grammar and spelling myself.
Really good story though, and it did exactly what you wanted. To make the audiance horny ;)
superb
I have to admit I loved and and can't wait for a second chapter and hopefully they get it on in the car and then at a rest stop along the way to Florida.
Pretty good
The storyline itself was entertaining enough, just need a little more depth in conversation and a fair amount of editing.
Write your OWN stuff!!!
This story was copied from another previously written story.
Good story, not original, but not copied either....
Good story and I have similar comments to all the others - but everyone needs an editor as it is way too easy to miss minor (but irritating) mistakes. Regarding the comment that you copied the story, that probably refers to Edharian story "Enjoying the Drive" which is similar, but not identical (unless there is another I missed). There are many stories with similar themes - yours has a different take on the "vacation to Florida theme" and is actually quite original and a fun read. So keep writing and enjoy what you are doing. But get an editor - if not a lit one, use a friend or work colleague.
Good job!
Wonder if they'll run into any of the truckers they did their show for? You definitely need to reread your story before releasing it, typos are like speedbumps and take away from the flow of the story.
Plagiarism
I enjoyed this, but I've read it before.
To the idiots who think I plagiarized
This is definitely not a plagiarized story. There are plenty of stories on this site of people in the backseat of the car. I have not read one that is exactly like mine. Even if there is another story on the site that's similar to mine, I sure as hell didn't copy it. It's kinda hard to copy something you haven't seen before.
The story isn't going to please everyone. If you didn't like it, you didn't have to finish reading it.
For my "chickenshit" bio, first off I don't see why you would care about my bio. Secondly it's not "chickenshit" I just didn't take the time to fill it out. I only created the account to submit the story. The account was created and the story was submitted only seconds apart from each other.
not bad
Your writing is ok. But I stopped reading when the sister saw her brother's cock for the first time and immediately starts sucking him not bothering that he had just pissed.
Get an editor!
You'd really help yourself if you found someone to edit your stories before you publish them. It's a hot little story, but the typos and poor word choice (quite when you mean quiet) diminish it for me.
good start next chapter ASAP
in saying that just a few things
Some background would of been good & #Really dad wouldn't pull over to let him piss
and sis just decided to suck his dick #Really
They just licked sucked each other off had shower together & Spent night alone nude in room yet nothing happened till sis sucked his dick to wake him but didn't cum had to wait for being in car & on the car what sort of car was it ? Luggage in middle them behind it
now after writing above things & i think about it was a touch unbelievable
in saying that liked the story! hope you write & post next chapter in quick time
I liked it next chapter anal and maybe more close calls in other areas rather then the back seat. Though them naked in the back sounded hot though the sis should of rode him and i would have her then fisted in both holes while she had hes cock down her throat....
Great story
Love the possibility of getting caught. Maybe they end up exhibitionists together and get caught a time or two. The edge is a good place.
Not bad for fantasy
I have read some of the comments before adding mine. Few things for editing or continuation of story. 1) Add some explanation with ie sister's secret infatuation with pee play that will make her sudden impulse to gobble her brother's "dirty" cock so eagerly/easily. 2) Pee play for not heavy GS addicts avoids morning piss (tastes/smells let's say strongly) and is not healthy (less sterile) all us other's we play "the cheat's way" get rid the first load (some even the 2nd) after some heavy soda or beer drinking! (not a major problem though if you are a happy fetishist reader.) 3) Ask yourself in case of doubt "Would I buy it?" then add your scene! Keep writing! haters happen and can't be avoided!
P.S Unfortunately misconstruction and syntax errors aren't identified by spell checkers!
There was a gew terrors but nice story 9/10
*a few errors*
Good as far as it goes
I liked it but found myself wanting more. Also expand on the descriptions of their sex play.
Great story!
Please make a second chapter this story was great
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