All Comments on 'A Summer in the Flesh Ch. 01'

by C.C. Rider

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  • 7 Comments
shrtyshrtyabout 20 years ago
good stuff

Well written, well puntuated, gramattically correct, and as sexy as hell!!!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 20 years ago
Excellent

Maybe the gem of the last two months. A wonderful insight into a girl becoming a woman. I actually reread it.

Only two minor criticisms. I would cut the intro material about the story being "true". Who cares besides you? What does it matter? It's like having to explain a joke. It detracts from a wonderful story.

The other criticism is about editing. Half way through the story Rudy suddenly became Ray. Then at the end he was Rudy again. Fix it. It is annoying.

Great job. I haven't checked to see if you have written other stuff on here. In any event, I sincerely look forward to more.

Eric

AnonymousAnonymousabout 20 years ago
a note on voice

I unintentionally put this story to the ultimate test of an erotic fantasy - I read it when I was not at all horny. And before I go any further, I'd like everyone reading this to know that it passed with flying colors.

At first, I didn't find it arousing. This was ideal for me, as I was not in the mood for arousing, heated passion. However, the first part was good in that it was a great insight into the character's sexuality. This is something that we usually have to infer in erotica. I liked that it was explicit, but in a narrative rather than preaching way. Because nothing is more irritating than being preached at when you've got something to take care of (ahem, cough cough, ORGASM, cough cough)

Your feminine voice is quite convincing, though, since I read the latter parts of the story after finding out that you were a male writing from a female perspective, I found that I was evaluating to see how much you had to work to maintain the feminine voice. Literarily, I think the bit with the goddess in the mirror in the last part was a nice balance between first hand femininity and a non-gender specific sexual intensity.

An excellent story, both in terms of heat and in terms of writing. Well balanced between introspective self-realization and just straight, hot, story-telling. A rare and unique find in the overly hormone-driven world of erotica. Keep up the great work!

jefferson7jefferson7about 20 years ago
Well-crafted

The story works well as a believable voyage in self-discovery. I agree with a previous comment: there is no need for the "intro" material. The story can and does stand on its own. I'm looking forward to reading the continuations of this work.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 20 years ago
Too wordy

It's got way too much intro and self analysis to keep me interested in the story.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 18 years ago
A great beginning

One of the best ways to develop as a writer (or even as an observer of the human condition) is to take on the role of characters different from one's self. It is the beginning of understanding "others". You are doing a good job of that here, although women can, of course, tell you better than I how successful you are. But it is the effort that counts.

As to whether there is too much or too little, you will know when you write other stories. For me, everything has helped to move the story along. For me, it's great.

elrayo41elrayo41almost 9 years ago
OPEN, WARM AND HONEST, EXCELLENT START

CONGRATULATIONS. You have enthralled us with your main character and your open, honest narration. It is as if you have made a promise to your readers and we are eager to see if you will fulfill it. My only criticism is your use of the word stomach when you refer to the lower abdomen. "Belly" is so much better suited. We don't expect stomach button. Why should we accept stomach muscles. Most other writers on this site do as you do -- so it might just be my hang-up. Otherwise, this is a great start. THANKS FOR SHARING.

Anonymous
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