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English
Good Story
Very good story, can't wait for the next part.
Oh My God
While, not why. by, not buy. Word choice please! That was way too painful after the tenth or so mistake. Also please use complete sentences, not even sure an ironing board could straighten this jumble up.
She saddled your waste?
That is the suff for the fetish section. She sucked your dick, of unknown size, then got out a saddle and fitted it to your waste, trash rubbish are synonyms of waste. Also you forget that vamps get the bleeds if they don't sleep during the day so filming would only be practical at night.
why I rammed my dick into Her..
It's a good question and should end with a question mark. Also there is no answer to the question.
This will be my last comment on this train crash
"Now turn around so your ass is facing me with my dick still inside you." I whispered to her. She slowly turned around with my dick still inside her. When her ass was facing me. "
I'm trying to work out how this is physically possible. It seems she was lying down, you were on top with your cock inserted into her pussy. You told her to turn around with your cock still I side her pussy. this to me would mean she would rotate under you so instead of being face to face you would be looking at her feet with your cock bent the wrong way, or if you mean turn over so she goes from laying on her back to her belly I guess you would have to have a detachable penis. Please can you explain to me how it worked?
Corrections (first paragraph)
1. "Hi my name is Eric I run a porn company for vampires to enjoy."
That's two sentences, since it's two complete thoughts. And it needs commas. Should be:
"Hi, my name is Eric. I run a porn company for vampires to enjoy."
2. "I'm a vampire myself and I enjoy watching a vampire sink its teeth sucking out the blood of a human while fucking him or her."
Again, this is a run-on and you're missing commas. The syntax really doesn't flow here either. Him or her is awkward. If the protagonist isn't into male on male sex, you can just use her. Otherwise, singular they is acceptable. Should be:
"I'm a vampire myself. I enjoy watching a vampire sink its teeth into a human, sucking out the blood while fucking her."
3. "That is why I started it and started shooting videos mainly for my enjoyment. But other vampires paid big bucks to buy the videos"
This is really unclear. I think you're trying to say that he started shooting videos for his own enjoyment before realizing that there was a market for these kinds of videos.So say that:
"I initially started this company for my own enjoyment, but soon found that other vampires would pay big bucks to buy my videos."
4. "or to fuck my porn stars."
No, no, no, no, no. Porn stars are not prostitutes. While I do believe that prostitution should be legalized, the fact stands that prostitution is still illegal in many areas. This could get his studio in major trouble. Also, pimping your porn stars out to random people/vampires is probably not a good idea for health and safety reasons.
5. "One of my girls had died a vampire gotten too frisky with her."
Again, this is super illegal and would get his porn studio shut down in a heartbeat (no pun intended).
6. So I had to go out and find a new one. I was glad it was night time so I could go out and hunt for a new girl without risking burning to death. I was walking in the night and I saw this thin girl with nice long brown hair flowing down her back."
Your transition from backstory to action isn't smooth. And repeating "in the night" in the sentence right after "I was glad it was night time" is redundant. And a lot of your adjectives aren't evocative. You could say something like:
"I hunt for new girls at night, since I would burn to death in the sunlight. On one of my hunts, I saw a slim young woman with thick, shiny brown hair cascading down her back."
7. "It would be perfect to yank on why screwing her. I walked up to her."
"Why" should be "while." I don't like the "It would be...screwing her" sentence, but if you wanted to keep it, you could say something like:
"I imagined yanking on it while screwing her. I walked up to her."
I stopped reading at the mention of "glamoured." Really?????
TrueBlood this isn't. Sorry, but if you came up with your own word and say something a little more believable I'd have kept reading.
Its really disgusting
So vampires have a disgusting cumming dick? I felt sick reading this.
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