so far so good, rather short though, enjoyed what I read and one writes as fast and long as one writes. A bit disappointed to come to the end so soon though. I hope it doesn't take too long for the next installment so we can see where you are taking us. I thank you for what you have offered us so far.
That is a beautiful story, I don't know how true or not it is but it really ripped my heart out, I will never know any of that pain that Paul went/is going through, it really made me cry like a baby & I'm a 42 yr old Aussie male & I haven't cried like that in a very, very long time. I am really looking forward the next chapter, make that eager too.
by
Anonymous04/06/16
?
This is going to either turn into a great story, or something stupid. Looking forward to the next chapter.
I know it is a little rough guys, but the first step is the hardest. I have had this story fleshing out in my mind for a long time, and I have a lot more to come. Thank you for your patience, Im actually about to get started again on the second chapter(which will be longer) right now. I am a full time college student right now so it is gonna be a little slow in coming until summer break, but im gonna do my best. Thank you again.
You have this story going at a great pace and going towards great place(s). Keep going, but don't fall into the trap of trying to rush, and put too much content into too little space. You should only use one hook to catch one fish. Use only one chapter to keep your audience clammering for more.
by
Anonymous04/07/16
Combat vet
As an ole combat vet, I feel your pain! But I got to know what the cousin is thinking!
Everybody needs love. It's right up there with air, food and water. How love is expressed and who gives it to you are the mysterious wonders that make life worth living. There is only one requirement: You must be receptive to it.
In telling your story you illustrate the confusion of your protagonist about accepting love from his aunt and perhaps his cousin. He has a lot of pain to deal with as well as the morality of the situation. You've given us the impression that he will respond to this love and learn to return it to whomever it comes from. This is fertile ground for elaborating the changes that will take place in your characters as the story progresses. This is not something that can be rushed. It will take a lot of understanding, tenderness and openness to achieve. Take your time.
I really dislike sounding like a grammar Nazi but you need to be very careful and precise in your wording to make readers empathize with the deep emotional feelings that your characters are going to experience. There are enough small errors in your writing to cause a little bit of a disturbance in the flow of the communication both between your characters and your readers. When I vote on a story, grammar, punctuation, spelling and wording are worth a star by themselves. You can break the rules but you still have to know the rules in order to get away with it. I'm fully cognizant of the fact that people in the midst of a sexual act do not think or talk in grammatically perfect sentences.
I'm looking forward to the continuation of your story and wish you well in producing a work you can be proud of.
by
Anonymous04/08/16
thank you! more please
awesome, thank you. I happen to be a combat vet. and am dealing with something similar in the past, present (as I wait on medical ) and we'll I hope that it turns out for the beer in the future. I can't wait to hear the rest of your story. thanks for sharing Brother.
English
so far so good
so far so good, rather short though, enjoyed what I read and one writes as fast and long as one writes. A bit disappointed to come to the end so soon though. I hope it doesn't take too long for the next installment so we can see where you are taking us. I thank you for what you have offered us so far.
Made me cry too
That is a beautiful story, I don't know how true or not it is but it really ripped my heart out, I will never know any of that pain that Paul went/is going through, it really made me cry like a baby & I'm a 42 yr old Aussie male & I haven't cried like that in a very, very long time. I am really looking forward the next chapter, make that eager too.
?
This is going to either turn into a great story, or something stupid. Looking forward to the next chapter.
WOW!!!
Love it so far! I wish you had given us a little more but it's your story!
I just hope that your intentions are to continue with these characters and not leave us with a cliff hanger!
Great Thus Far
I liked the way you left it hanging. Thoughtful! Chapter 2 please.
Thank you so much!
I know it is a little rough guys, but the first step is the hardest. I have had this story fleshing out in my mind for a long time, and I have a lot more to come. Thank you for your patience, Im actually about to get started again on the second chapter(which will be longer) right now. I am a full time college student right now so it is gonna be a little slow in coming until summer break, but im gonna do my best. Thank you again.
Clearly a page turner!
Can't wait to turn to Ch 02!
Great Place
You have this story going at a great pace and going towards great place(s). Keep going, but don't fall into the trap of trying to rush, and put too much content into too little space. You should only use one hook to catch one fish. Use only one chapter to keep your audience clammering for more.
Combat vet
As an ole combat vet, I feel your pain! But I got to know what the cousin is thinking!
A very good beginning
Everybody needs love. It's right up there with air, food and water. How love is expressed and who gives it to you are the mysterious wonders that make life worth living. There is only one requirement: You must be receptive to it.
In telling your story you illustrate the confusion of your protagonist about accepting love from his aunt and perhaps his cousin. He has a lot of pain to deal with as well as the morality of the situation. You've given us the impression that he will respond to this love and learn to return it to whomever it comes from. This is fertile ground for elaborating the changes that will take place in your characters as the story progresses. This is not something that can be rushed. It will take a lot of understanding, tenderness and openness to achieve. Take your time.
I really dislike sounding like a grammar Nazi but you need to be very careful and precise in your wording to make readers empathize with the deep emotional feelings that your characters are going to experience. There are enough small errors in your writing to cause a little bit of a disturbance in the flow of the communication both between your characters and your readers. When I vote on a story, grammar, punctuation, spelling and wording are worth a star by themselves. You can break the rules but you still have to know the rules in order to get away with it. I'm fully cognizant of the fact that people in the midst of a sexual act do not think or talk in grammatically perfect sentences.
I'm looking forward to the continuation of your story and wish you well in producing a work you can be proud of.
thank you! more please
awesome, thank you. I happen to be a combat vet. and am dealing with something similar in the past, present (as I wait on medical ) and we'll I hope that it turns out for the beer in the future. I can't wait to hear the rest of your story. thanks for sharing Brother.
A lot..
...of tease and promise in this. I'll read ch. 2 right now!
I wish I didn't need to leave for work four minutes ago.
See above.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to The Love I Never Knew I Needed or
More submissions by secretthomas.