The Experiment

Unexpected path and outcome !

Take the car back ? You can annul a marriage, but a car contract ... not so much. Did the couple achieve sexual thrall and find it tedious? This was a quick hitter aimed at amusing not the 1%ers, but the 10 %ers. Hopefully the couple don't try to send the baby back when it inevitably interferes with their preferred lifestyle. Well told , fanciful and droll tale. I thank the author for sharing.

Nothing

No clue what that was. Just weird and... nothing.

3*s

Like the writing. Dialogue good. Characters are believable. Pretty good sex. Not a story, more a scene.
Gave you 3*s. Look forward to the next story.
Oh! The plot? Who needs a plot to this little scene, lol!


AMerryman

A good LW story

dear annony is brain dead he has no idea what anything of value is. 5 for good story

Huh?

I feel like I missed a lot, even though I read every word. How did he know that she would ask to borrow money for a new car? Why does this married couple have separate bank accounts and budgets? Why did this couple need marriage counseling? Why did they have to end their agreement? Why did she want to kill him? And what on earth was with that ending?

Maybe I just didn't get enough sleep last night...

re: anonymous- a good LW story

Talking about yourself again bonnietaylor2. Please don't post anonymous again. It appears you're talking to yourself. Maybe you should answer yourself.
Gave this a ONE star rating. Not much of a story.

Makes no sense

It's obvious from the description that the Experiment works out; they're in tune. There's seemingly no reason for them to want to stop, even if she pays him back for the car. There's nothing described in what he does that's selfish - in fact it appears almost selfless. She's getting everything she wants, except perhaps the ability to say no. But she doesn't seem to want to.

Except evidently she does because for something unexplained and not commented on. They're going to counciling why? Well, I guess the reader doesn't need to know. Sure, there don't appear to be any problems anywhere in the story but obviously there is.

I don't get the story. It makes no sense; it's confusing and frustrating and ultimately unfulfilling because of that. Whatever you were trying to do failed, at least on my part.

The way it is.

The person who wrote this is my type, I'm in love with the author. I want to buy her a car and earn her.....love. At least that's the message I got from this story, Start over.

the ravings of a lunatic

I think you had to much to drink.

Excellent

Excellent! This story has real heart to it. From a literary pov, it is also very well written. You definitely know how to build tension and bring it to a climax and how to play with ambivalence of real human emotion. As a reader, I really liked the characters—not something that often happens with erotic literature. It feels genuine. Good story-telling, good narration, good tone. Loved the ending. Gonna watch for your stories in the future. PS—do you write other things besides what appears on Lit?

Is there a couple of paragraphs missing?

Why did they go to counselling? Why would the counsellor tell them to stop whatever it was that they were doing when she didn't know what they were doing?

Why did I give this a 1 star when it describes my favourite type of couple and usually give loving husbands and wives a minimum of 5 stars? That one I'll answer: because it didn't make any sense.

It's a lovely story. Evocative, romantic and manic

Author Bios are VERY important to review before commenting on a story

Although, sometimes, a seemingly female writer is ACTUALLY a male, but in this case we have a DEFINATE female author, with a definite female tone, perspective, and (dare I say) agenda.

I am not going to slam any male commenter who "didn't get it", because (as a guy) I'm not sure I did either.

But it seems to me the (literary term here) MAIN CONFLICT is all about the conceptualization of "OWNERSHIP".
No self respecting female would allow HER pussy to be "OWNED" by her man, would she? There is equality, and the sexual revolution, and just plain old "girl-power" at work here. The feminist agenda gets set back a few decades when any wife allows her husband to think that he OWNS some part or even (*shudder*) .... ALL of her. Right?

The cutest part of this story is that the "experiment" or understanding IS ACTUALLY WORKING. For Him, For HER, even. But there is this nagging thing attacking her brain and subconscious. And she masks that under the umbrella that they don't "communicate" anymore. She acknowledges that they don't NEED to communicate as much under this arrangement. And it remains unsettling for her. She is just not the kind of woman who is ready to take even a temporary backseat to ANY man, but perhaps even ESPECIALLY to her husband. Because she should be able to control certain things about their relationship, as she is willing to concede control of OTHER things to him.

Why do they always seem to think that handyman chores, or garbage duty is equal to sex? LOL?!!?

"I get to be in charge of whether we do or do not have sex, and YOU get to be in charge of taking out the garbage!"

Or in this case, maintaining the vehicles it seems. Oh yes, she wants to be an equal partner, but she refuses to check her own car's oil and fluid levels? Whatever.....

Yes, the need to go to counseling came out of left field for the reader. The author should have clarified that it was THE NARRATOR'S demand. But I applaud the author for illustrating the silly and unnecessary nature of it with "failed" results. This narrator maintains her ambivalence towards understanding any of her husbands needs, and remains unilaterally focused on her own. This self-centered world-view is usually the defining characteristic of a Loving Wife, so.... But what I mean is:

His needs= His responsibility
Her needs= Her responsibility

In her mind this maintains balance. Except that it is short-sided to think that either of them can do it without the other's significant contribution. The better equation is more like:

His needs= Shared responsibility
Her needs= Shared responsibility

I think the author knows this. And this story was an attempt at an anathema device to prove the point.

High marks for tone. Less for style. Less because more could have or perhaps SHOULD have been said to help out your varied audience.

But I still give you 3.5 (rounds to 4) stars with my thanks and appreciation.
Will there be more to come?

Obscurity does not equal drama, nor suspense.

The problem for most authors is that while they understand exactly what they want to communicate, they don't realize how unique and individual communication is. The most important, and most difficult, aspect to communicating, is listening. And watching for reaction and maybe response, when possible. Your plot is great. In fact, its profound. But its execution is too subtle and nuanced to be clearly understood and appreciated. So you left many readers behind, which is really unfortunate. This is a concept and a perspective on marriage that way too important to be unknown or misunderstood.

At the beginning of this story the couple demonstrate that they do not have a true partnership, a substantive marriage. She acts to manipulate him. They not only have separate finances, but even separate agendas for money and property. They do not appear to share the same goals, nor really respect their partner. She has to manipulate; he has to exact payment for his agreement. Can you imagine two business partners having a discussion, where partner A says we need a new machine for the production line, and partner B says where are You going to get the money for that? Its not coming out of my pocket. Yeah, not a partnership.

So this couple enter into their agreement, their trade, and we see the result. They went from one extreme of distance, to the opposite extreme. This couple became masters at empathy and mutual understanding, and thereby lost their individuality, and unique characters. Through her pussy, her self became his self, and they lost the dynamic of being a couple of individuals, acquiring the dynamic of being the same person with two different bodies, and two different genders. They became one. By becoming each other, they lost their partnership, their marriage. They lost the spontaneity, the originality, the risk, of trust and surprise, of disagreement and compromise. Because one controlled the other, the one no longer needed the others mind and personality, only her body, and cooperation. While I think the author insinuated that occurrence, she did not adequately communicate that the couple became aware of their predicament. Obviously some sense of anxiety and concern led them to marriage counseling, but the reader was left out of when and how that realization occurred to them.

The implication of how this level of oneness threatened the marriage is profound. The wife was no longer special to the husband for who she was. In fact, who she was became unimportant. Her only important contribution to the marriage became, what she would do for him. She traded her soul, for a car. And he took it. When his wife became his sex object, at his beck and call, she stopped being special for who she was, even though he treated her well, like a cherished courtesan. They lost the whole point, the whole purpose, of being married. He exchanged his wife for a totally complicit sex toy. What is wonderful, but left out of the story, is the how they discovered what they had lost, and were losing. And while that is too bad, it is still to the author's credit that she took us close to examining the foundation of marriage. And that examination is a whole other realm of discussion.

Thank you for your time and talent.

Extremely Good Piece of work

When I saw it was from the feminine point of view I almost abandoned it and I am happy that I did not. Excellent evocation of feelings and unspoken communication.

I have no idea what is going on here.

I'm an author and I'm used to divining plots and the point of the prose. I'm entirely lost with this?

Is this making some point about too much intimacy?

Hilarious ending!

"Shit. The car won't start." That line put a big smile on my face. Not sure why they had to see a marriage counselor but am glad that they worked it out. Entertaining little flash story.

I agree with the previous anonymous!

But not entirely...
Yes, I think there was too much communication, too much loss of individuality, too much perfection in the relationship.
No, I don't think that either partner was more at fault than the other... "ownership" is a metaphor - he was asking for access without limits, and got it. Intimacy without limits might not leave enough space for either partners' individuality.
On one hand I would also say that the authors use of sexuality as the manifestation of intimacy is a bit limiting in terms of the stories development, but on the other hand the way people fetishize sexuality tends to help the "over the top" aspect of the implications of the thesis.

eh - I really like the piece... going back to imperfect communication, as shown in the last section, has its down sides... sometimes the car isn't going to start.

Funny.

Green-something

And now for something COMPLETELY different!

This is one of the most highly entertaining tales I've ever read! An excellent little flash tale about something that nobody would ever consider a "problem." It was weird, wacky, and you somehow made sexual synchronicity into something of a mental disorder. Also, the ending was fuckin' funny as Hell! I LOL'd. :D

5 HUGE Stars!

Oh yeah...

I was going to mention

"In Her Eyes" by jidoka

may be another interesting perspective.

Green-something

Thank you all for the comments!

Camilla here. I would like to thank every one of you for your comments. This story wrote itself! It came out so fast it frightened me. If I'd done one more re-read, I'd have realized the marriage counselor was too abrupt. I apologize for leaving some of you behind - that's unpardonable for an author. I meant to imply problems had developed but relied too much on your imaginations! My bad ...
I promise to do better next time.
Married couples make mistakes. (We've certainly made our share but thank goodness this wasn't one of them :^) The story was meant figuratively to explore the intimacy of a husband and wife who loved each other but settled a financial problem in a creative but dangerous way.
Yes, there will be more!

I liked it and it's an easy and funny read...

I liked it and it's an easy and funny read...They were becoming just one person...And that sometimes hard to support...But they ended well understanding their mistake...3*

Sorry

I'm with the "not sure what I just read" crowd. 2*

I did chuckle over the last line about the car not starting.

I want this

As bad as it sounds. Owning my wifes sex woud be excelent. Love this no cuckold here. Maybe this would solve the crisis.

Not sure I see a problem with their game.

They're both getting a lot of sex. Neither one seems overly concerned. This is two married adults playing a game between themselves. I'm really not sure why they went to the Marriage therapist, but I am sure that no therapist would have acted like that or treated them as she did. The return of the car would have cost them a ton of money so that made no sense. Why they're "sorry" at the end and why they suddenly considered themselves "normal" was a complete mystery. Somewhere in this mess you had a good story, but you obscured that story with your attempt (I think) to be clever. I did have to laugh at the ending. They did that to themselves. Just like everything else in this story was their agreed to responsibility. Try again. This didn't work.

I don't get it....they're having such a great time together, never closer, never happier...

...that they go to a marriage counsellor? Really? How's that work? How's that happen? So things get better when they fall back down to "normal".
Not me, damn you! I want supernormal back. I want all that closeness and social intimacy that came from all the....um...intimacy.
And she gets equal time owning my junk.

So what? Was it that she couldn't reconcile all the joy and pleasure giving him ownership of her pussy created or them with her apparent "liberated world view"?
Bullocks! Thank pure crank.
So, wired ending that made almost no sense, in view of all that went before.

Creative

This story was excellent, and quite creative. It is hard to come up with new things. Doesn't matter if such a thing couldn't happen, this is fantasy. I especially like the little bit at the end- very clever!

Huh?

Ok, I seem to have the same logic problem that the rest of your commentors have. You created a wonderful lifestyle that any lucid individual would concider selling their soul for, only to feel it was somehow broken? Confused is not expressive enough to explain my feelings on the story. However comments should also expose difficulties in the writing. This narrative left me wondering at several points as to who's perspective was being expressed. It didn't flow. Other than the wired ending and the perspective issues, it was a unique telling, and shows imagination, if not talent.

Where was the direction sign?

You just took an exit and left us all behind. An interesting story became a "what happened".

IF YOU HAVE A NEW EXPERIMENT

make sure the test tubes are lined up. TK U MLJ LV NV

THIS IS SOME CRAZY SHIT

Why would you take an experimental situation that seems to be working to perfection and scrap it just like that? And what was the going back to the beginning thing all about? And why when they were so close they don't even have to speak would they feel a need to go to a marriage counselor? Did they think they needed to fuck up thier relationship because no one should be that happy?
This is truly some crazy shit. I did not not like the narrative at all.