...but telegraphed. The "stranger in a bar is really the wife" story has been told hundreds of times on this site. I knew exactly where this story was heading from the first few paragraphs. Still, it was well written, and a common scenario for men who fantasize about sharing their wives without any risk. It's the risk, however, that makes it exciting.
About midway through the story I wondered if she might be the wife. It was so well written though that I had to read to the end to find out if my hunch was right. In a sense I was disappointed, but in another way I was really glad. I would love to have a wife that would play fantasy games like that. Good job!
by
Anonymous04/09/16
Boring husband and wife game
The issue was that the writing didn't match the idea. Your descriptive passages were neither sexy or erotic. So their little game created no passion or interest for the reader. Try again.
by
Anonymous04/09/16
The problem with this version of an all-too-common "twist"
You can't introduce this "twist" at the end when you're doing a first-person narrative and include a passage like this:
"I drove home thinking about what had happened. I wondered what I would say to my wife. I knew that there was no way I could avoid this as it was written all over my face. I was never one that could hide anything from her. I arrived to a dark house. I thought maybe she wasn't home but as I opened the door I knew that she was already there. I thought about what had just happened and immediately got hard again. I thought about what I was told about going home and fucking my wife hard and fast and decided that I would do that. I walked into the bedroom and saw my wife sleeping, laying naked across the bed. She had lit some candles and had some romantic music playing on the TV. I could tell that she must have been waiting for me but had fallen asleep before I got home. "
Why would the husband feel concerned about hiding from his wife something that she did herself? Why would he feel so conflicted about telling her? Why would he have to tell her anything, since she was there? How did she fall asleep so quickly, when he left the bar right after she did?
You attempted to trick the readers by adding this deceptive paragraph. That might be plausible in a story told from a third person perspective, but it's dishonest story telling coming from the narrator.
Four inches isn't a dick, four inches is barely a wee wee!
by
Anonymous04/09/16
You gave this story away
Figured it was his wife. That sickos remark about 4 inches. These scum are all over the place with there cruel remarks.
by
Anonymous04/09/16
It didn't work
To many mistakes in his thinking to himself
by
Anonymous04/09/16
I overlook the mistakes and read it as a story. . I loved it. Maybe I should play that with my husband at the bar. I am so excited, I am going to go drag my husband to bed and get to work.....fucking.
by
Anonymous04/10/16
stupid self centered commentator
Anonnymouse who said 4 inches is a loser, K bet you feel pretty bad that you might have a small dick or you wouldnt have made such a rotten comment.At least this guy wasnt a cuckold wimp..He went home to his loving wife and knows reality. That not all men are built like brick shitheads and not all women will go so far as to really cheat...
by
Anonymous04/10/16
I enjoyed it, I hope you try again.
For your first one this is better then I could do, good luck in the future.
by
Anonymous04/10/16
Good story
Enjoyed your story and hopefully it was a true story. Reminds me of my earlier single years. Looking forward to your next story. I am from Houston area too !!
I thought she was going to ask where is my panties? Thanks for sharing this very enjoyable story!!
by
Anonymous04/12/16
It was actually pretty well written.......but....
....is not much of a variation of a story retold several hundred times, here. What makes yours any different or better than any other.
Sadly nothing sets it apart.
English
A good LW story, and with some irony in it...
A good LW story, and with some irony in it...It's a easy read...3*
Cute
...but telegraphed. The "stranger in a bar is really the wife" story has been told hundreds of times on this site. I knew exactly where this story was heading from the first few paragraphs. Still, it was well written, and a common scenario for men who fantasize about sharing their wives without any risk. It's the risk, however, that makes it exciting.
Thanks for contributing.
Nice
Very nice story. thanks
I wondered...
About midway through the story I wondered if she might be the wife. It was so well written though that I had to read to the end to find out if my hunch was right. In a sense I was disappointed, but in another way I was really glad. I would love to have a wife that would play fantasy games like that. Good job!
Boring husband and wife game
The issue was that the writing didn't match the idea. Your descriptive passages were neither sexy or erotic. So their little game created no passion or interest for the reader. Try again.
The problem with this version of an all-too-common "twist"
You can't introduce this "twist" at the end when you're doing a first-person narrative and include a passage like this:
"I drove home thinking about what had happened. I wondered what I would say to my wife. I knew that there was no way I could avoid this as it was written all over my face. I was never one that could hide anything from her. I arrived to a dark house. I thought maybe she wasn't home but as I opened the door I knew that she was already there. I thought about what had just happened and immediately got hard again. I thought about what I was told about going home and fucking my wife hard and fast and decided that I would do that. I walked into the bedroom and saw my wife sleeping, laying naked across the bed. She had lit some candles and had some romantic music playing on the TV. I could tell that she must have been waiting for me but had fallen asleep before I got home. "
Why would the husband feel concerned about hiding from his wife something that she did herself? Why would he feel so conflicted about telling her? Why would he have to tell her anything, since she was there? How did she fall asleep so quickly, when he left the bar right after she did?
You attempted to trick the readers by adding this deceptive paragraph. That might be plausible in a story told from a third person perspective, but it's dishonest story telling coming from the narrator.
Yep
Play it again Sam.
Little dick loser
Four inches isn't a dick, four inches is barely a wee wee!
You gave this story away
Figured it was his wife. That sickos remark about 4 inches. These scum are all over the place with there cruel remarks.
It didn't work
To many mistakes in his thinking to himself
I overlook the mistakes and read it as a story. . I loved it. Maybe I should play that with my husband at the bar. I am so excited, I am going to go drag my husband to bed and get to work.....fucking.
stupid self centered commentator
Anonnymouse who said 4 inches is a loser, K bet you feel pretty bad that you might have a small dick or you wouldnt have made such a rotten comment.At least this guy wasnt a cuckold wimp..He went home to his loving wife and knows reality. That not all men are built like brick shitheads and not all women will go so far as to really cheat...
I enjoyed it, I hope you try again.
For your first one this is better then I could do, good luck in the future.
Good story
Enjoyed your story and hopefully it was a true story. Reminds me of my earlier single years. Looking forward to your next story. I am from Houston area too !!
Good Read****
I thought she was going to ask where is my panties? Thanks for sharing this very enjoyable story!!
It was actually pretty well written.......but....
....is not much of a variation of a story retold several hundred times, here. What makes yours any different or better than any other.
Sadly nothing sets it apart.
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