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Excellent Story
Damn dude. That was incredible. Write some fiction and you might just make the NY Times Bestseller List.
ending needs lots of work
I found this story interesting, but the ending is terrible. I realize she kept saying no and continued to like what she was getting, but that should have continued to the very end. I will be looking for mroe from this writer.
Great writing!
Good idea to pan Hemingway with believeable copy-cat dialogue, etc. Good Biblical allusions, too. An occasional typo, but clean copy. I really liked it.
Absolutely Great!!!
Wow...That was great, really well written. I look forward to reading more!
Farewell forever
I enjoyed the story. You literary references were on point as well as the sexiness of the story. The yin and yang of a woman's sexuality always creates a nice storyline. I like the struggle of the hero to resist the call of the wild, give in only to understand it should and would not happen again.
I liked the ending!
Once I started reading your story, I couldn't stop. Your leading lady was definitely "off center," but you made her very credible. Very nice effort. This was my first foray into the 'Humor and Satire' Category. The comments posted by those other folks piqued my curiosity. Thanks to them and to you.
I liked the ending...
But I almost gave up on the story at the end of the first page. The main character was extremely unlikable to me. He came off so arrogant and presumptous that I couldnt identify with him, nor was the female character alluring enough to make me want to read much further. Some of the praising feedback had me reconsider, and I was glad I did- the twist at the end is very provocative, and the reference again to Hemingway was great. Perhaps if the female character was made more mysterious or attractive in the begining, or her emotional instability a little more subtle; or if you offered an escape window by telling the story in the 3rd person so one isnt entirely put off by the main character's insolence.
But I am only offering a bit of constructive criticism I hope. The ending redeemed much of the characters faults and made me feel somewhat sympathetic to them. And I certainly liked how strong the ending was. I enjoyed it very much.
I Liked it...
I liked it, despite the jaded blow-job, vaginal, anal progression. Especially like the way that you never forensically describe the characters - nothing has me going for the 'back' button as quickly as cup size,waist size (often mis-spelled as waste!)and penis length on the first couple of screens - arrgh!!!
I'll be watching out for more stories from you. Thanks.
roll over Hemingway
Well done and a good pastiche. The charectors could be a tad better but its fun sexy and sad. I even think Ernest would have liked it. Now try a send up of William Faulkener
Fantastic.
I have never enjoyed a story on this site as much, and I doubt I will again.
The psychology of the protagonist was uncomfortably familiar, it made me laugh, it made me look inward, it was great writing.
It makes me feel a bit less pessimistic knowing that literature like this is out there.
amazing.
i loved it i would truly love for you to become my editor.
Noir?
Film Noir feel and shocking realism. I liked it in a perverse way. And I mean that perversely.
Snaps for you!
This was excellent. I've been lurking in Literotica for ages now (probably since around the time this was first written), and this is probably the first time I've cared enough to leave a comment. Great writing.
Remarkable writing
Thank you
Awful
A story so powerful it could turn me off from all sex forever. You should be an evangelist. You probably are.
Good story
Well-balanced, not indulging in excessive mannerisms in the description of actual sex, yet feels decidedly more "real" than most fiction out there.
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