Yes you thought correctly, i should have written "Chapter 1" so everybody could know there is another Chapter on the way. I hope i havent spoiled your Reading experience. Yorkshire Dalesman.
by
Anonymous04/20/16
Annoying math.
Maybe clarify this in chapter two (which is correct ) ?
"We lost our parents when she was 22 and I was 18."
or
"We were naturally enough thrown together in a close relationship and the six years between us were no hindrance for that closeness."
Sorry about the maths folks, i was never good at arithmatics and was caught up in the memory of what happened that night :-)
.
by
Anonymous04/20/16
The first ten paragraphs were good. Don't know why you needed to write another 50 to explain things when three or four would be sufficient. Hopefully next chapter will get back on tack.
by
Anonymous04/21/16
Interesting misspelling . . .
Not in your story (which was very engrossing), but in the last word of the post which WAS directly above. Obviously, the right word was "situation," but I could also see inventing a new one for the situation: "clituation." Eh?
was he really so naïve he believed she was asleep? the start was only barely connected to the narrative that followed. stay tuned for the big reveal?
by
Anonymous04/21/16
...people please...
If I may...I would only say this, Well done...however, given the response of others...
Please do not take what anyone has said as harsh criticism for I do not believe that to be the case.
It is somewhat obvious that you should consider an editor, someone to take the time and make the efforts to ensure that your heartfelt work is not picked apart by those who would appear, at the very least, jealous.
And DO carry on kind sir/mam. I and so many others are so looking forward to the next installment.
by
Anonymous05/17/16
Keep at it Mate
As a Yorkshireman myself I enjoyed your story. Please keep writing and lets have more of this good stuff !!
by
Anonymous05/20/16
Rape
Having non-consentual sex with somebody sleeping is rape! You might go to prison. I don't think it belongs in this category at all.
English
You sure this one is finished? Because it looks and reads like something dome maybe 40%.
Can't wait
I hope there is a part 2 to this story.
This depicts a sleep-rape and could as such have been in the "non-consent" category.
And 22-18 doesn't makes an age difference of 6.
But you right well describing the intense feelings of the dituation.
Hello anonymous
Yes you thought correctly, i should have written "Chapter 1" so everybody could know there is another Chapter on the way. I hope i havent spoiled your Reading experience. Yorkshire Dalesman.
Annoying math.
Maybe clarify this in chapter two (which is correct ) ?
"We lost our parents when she was 22 and I was 18."
or
"We were naturally enough thrown together in a close relationship and the six years between us were no hindrance for that closeness."
Sorry!
Sorry about the maths folks, i was never good at arithmatics and was caught up in the memory of what happened that night :-)
.
The first ten paragraphs were good. Don't know why you needed to write another 50 to explain things when three or four would be sufficient. Hopefully next chapter will get back on tack.
Interesting misspelling . . .
Not in your story (which was very engrossing), but in the last word of the post which WAS directly above. Obviously, the right word was "situation," but I could also see inventing a new one for the situation: "clituation." Eh?
who is kidding who?
was he really so naïve he believed she was asleep? the start was only barely connected to the narrative that followed. stay tuned for the big reveal?
...people please...
If I may...I would only say this, Well done...however, given the response of others...
Please do not take what anyone has said as harsh criticism for I do not believe that to be the case.
It is somewhat obvious that you should consider an editor, someone to take the time and make the efforts to ensure that your heartfelt work is not picked apart by those who would appear, at the very least, jealous.
And DO carry on kind sir/mam. I and so many others are so looking forward to the next installment.
Keep at it Mate
As a Yorkshireman myself I enjoyed your story. Please keep writing and lets have more of this good stuff !!
Rape
Having non-consentual sex with somebody sleeping is rape! You might go to prison. I don't think it belongs in this category at all.
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