I liked your writing style though you could improve the story by using an editor or a proofreader which would eliminate the grammar/spelling mistakes.
In regards to the story, in my opinion, I thought that the age difference between Scott and Renee should have been greater. Her beauty brought her age down and his maturity brought his age up to where they were essentially the same age. I usually think of a May/December (or Mature) romance as one where she's in her 40's (at least) and he's in his 20's or vice versa. As to the sex, I kept wondering when it was going to happen. It seemed like an awful long buildup for a single, pretty short, sex scene. That being said, I gave it 4 stars.
I have to agree with Sex4lf57. The story is well written, the descriptions of the character's surroundings put me right there, I could see it all. The comparisons of each character to a real person gives a decent amount of physical atributes to understand their appearance, even if I had to google who Meredith Monroe was (never watched Dawson's Creek), but it is also sort of a quick fix or cheap and easy way to avoid listing character details. For an erotic tale there's a very short sex scene that leaves something to be desired. There's a good amount of build up, which I am not alone in saying is a great thing, but the reward is lacking. Though there's grammatical errors, they're not enough to take away from the story or interfere with reading. Solid 4 stars.
Why is it those who have never written a single story are always the ones who feel compelled to point out something as trivial as typos? Shouldn't you at least have ONE story of your own without a single error in it before becoming a professional 'pointer outer?' Are you seriously thinking that pointing out something SO insignificant is going to 'raise the bar of academic scholarship' on a porn site? You can't be that deluded, can you?
This is erotica, meant to entertain and scintillate, not win Pulitzer Prizes. If you find tiny little errors that distracting then you're taking this site (and yourself WAY too seriously.)
Oh, and before the "don't be so sensitive comments" come flying back, I'm not the least bit 'sensitive.' I find these kinds of comments hilarious and an indictment on the commenter/whiner who feels compelled to point out something: "Hey! Look what I found! I'm a professional reader and found stuff!" Congratulations. Now I'm just pointing out the obvious to you and you're welcome!
Get an editor? Get a life.
As to using a real-life person, it allows people to visualize a character especially if the character does in fact look like the celebrity. Except that...oh, right! These are STORIES, not real life! In fact, they are erotica, not even literature.
As with the other 'pointer-outer' I went to your Bio page and looked for a story you'd written that was perfect and free of error in which you developed your characters in great detail without being 'lazy'. And yet, for some reason, I couldn't find ANY story, let alone one that does a better job at character development than mine. Interesting, don't you think?
Love your stories...the real life traumas...wants...needs...insecurities...passion.. .you convey it so well with a happy ending...the same formula, but every tale stands on it's own. Thanks again for the entertainment!!!!!
I'm sorry that I didn't realize I needed to be a published author on Literotica in order to make any type of comment or constructive criticism regarding one of your stories. I'll make sure to not make that mistake again as this will be the last comment I'll post to any of your stories. For someone who claims not to be "sensitive" about the comments regarding his story, that was a pretty long diatribe about two commentators who gave your story a 4 star rating. I hate to think what type of rant you'd post if someone had the audacity to say they thought the story was worth only one or two stars! I'm glad I was able to give you a good laugh, though.
English
I liked your writing style though you could improve the story by using an editor or a proofreader which would eliminate the grammar/spelling mistakes.
In regards to the story, in my opinion, I thought that the age difference between Scott and Renee should have been greater. Her beauty brought her age down and his maturity brought his age up to where they were essentially the same age. I usually think of a May/December (or Mature) romance as one where she's in her 40's (at least) and he's in his 20's or vice versa. As to the sex, I kept wondering when it was going to happen. It seemed like an awful long buildup for a single, pretty short, sex scene. That being said, I gave it 4 stars.
I have to agree with Sex4lf57. The story is well written, the descriptions of the character's surroundings put me right there, I could see it all. The comparisons of each character to a real person gives a decent amount of physical atributes to understand their appearance, even if I had to google who Meredith Monroe was (never watched Dawson's Creek), but it is also sort of a quick fix or cheap and easy way to avoid listing character details. For an erotic tale there's a very short sex scene that leaves something to be desired. There's a good amount of build up, which I am not alone in saying is a great thing, but the reward is lacking. Though there's grammatical errors, they're not enough to take away from the story or interfere with reading. Solid 4 stars.
Comments
Why is it those who have never written a single story are always the ones who feel compelled to point out something as trivial as typos? Shouldn't you at least have ONE story of your own without a single error in it before becoming a professional 'pointer outer?' Are you seriously thinking that pointing out something SO insignificant is going to 'raise the bar of academic scholarship' on a porn site? You can't be that deluded, can you?
This is erotica, meant to entertain and scintillate, not win Pulitzer Prizes. If you find tiny little errors that distracting then you're taking this site (and yourself WAY too seriously.)
Oh, and before the "don't be so sensitive comments" come flying back, I'm not the least bit 'sensitive.' I find these kinds of comments hilarious and an indictment on the commenter/whiner who feels compelled to point out something: "Hey! Look what I found! I'm a professional reader and found stuff!" Congratulations. Now I'm just pointing out the obvious to you and you're welcome!
Get an editor? Get a life.
As to using a real-life person, it allows people to visualize a character especially if the character does in fact look like the celebrity. Except that...oh, right! These are STORIES, not real life! In fact, they are erotica, not even literature.
As with the other 'pointer-outer' I went to your Bio page and looked for a story you'd written that was perfect and free of error in which you developed your characters in great detail without being 'lazy'. And yet, for some reason, I couldn't find ANY story, let alone one that does a better job at character development than mine. Interesting, don't you think?
Another winner!!!!!
Love your stories...the real life traumas...wants...needs...insecurities...passion.. .you convey it so well with a happy ending...the same formula, but every tale stands on it's own. Thanks again for the entertainment!!!!!
LMAO, shit man, I needed that laugh, thank you.
I'm sorry that I didn't realize I needed to be a published author on Literotica in order to make any type of comment or constructive criticism regarding one of your stories. I'll make sure to not make that mistake again as this will be the last comment I'll post to any of your stories. For someone who claims not to be "sensitive" about the comments regarding his story, that was a pretty long diatribe about two commentators who gave your story a 4 star rating. I hate to think what type of rant you'd post if someone had the audacity to say they thought the story was worth only one or two stars! I'm glad I was able to give you a good laugh, though.
Wow!
As with all of your stories, well written and a great plot that you've seized on and put to words for our enjoyment... Thank you!
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Flip or Flop or
More submissions by komrad1156.