Into His Arms

Good Start

If you manage to continue writing I think this could be a very good story. I was intrigued and hope you write more. Though I would request longer chapters I really liked it.

A GOOD START

This story is a good story. I look forward to reading more.

Too short but good beginning

A little confusing when it came to the note and that they somehow knew the mother?

This is a great start. What did the note say?

We always want longer chapters

There will never be a submission where we don't ask for longer ones. Lol get used to that!!! I enjoyed this one. Suspense is good, left enough open for me to want to come back and read the next one. Can't wait!

Great start

Interesting start, and welcome to the other side of Lit. Seems like you wrote a hell of a lot more than just a page and change, right?

You've got interesting narrative, a decent plot with mystery, and enough tech to allow your mystery to get really Mysterious and Important. Cya next chapter.

A good start. ^^

A wonderful beginning and I can't wait for more. I do have a suggestion for you but I'm sending it is via feedback/contact.

I hate my touchscreen. -_-

Disregard the word "is" in my previous comment.

find an editor and proofreader

This is an interesting start.
Your spelling is good but you choose the wrong word a lot.

borough
A borough is an administrative division in various countries. In principle, the term borough designates a self-governing walled town, although in practice, official use of the term varies widely.
=> the word is burrow if you mean a hole in the ground


free rain at
rain is water that falls from the sky
=> rein is the word should be used in that statement

our rouge wolves
rouge means red
=> rogue is the word
Unless you did mean red wolves?

re: We always want longer chapters There will never be a submission where we don't ask for longer ones.

That only applies to good writing.

This is pretty good.
Yes I made a few criticisms, I wouldn't bother if the basic writing is really bad, after all if the writing really stinks obviously the writer doesn't care.

why would you write from different points of view and put their names there? it doesn't help with flow

Very interesting!

Love the intrigue. To me, a nice twist on usual styles. Love the mix of interplay and character change. Please share more.

Can't wait

I really can't wait to see what happens next.

a really good start the only suggestion I'd make that the others missed is to pick one kind of perspective and stick with it. It tends to kill the immersion when you're reading something that tends to go from 1st person to third person perspective mid- paragraph.
I'd suggest sticking with 3rd because that's what you were doing about 70% of the time, and it's best to just go with what comes naturally. Also it's insanely easy to mess up first person perspective, either by bringing up a part of the story your MC has no way of knowing, or little inconsistencies in their behavior and thought processes, that are far less obvious when observed from the out side.

Thanks for all the support!

I appreciate all the positivity shown for my first submission I am so excited that you all like IHA! I just finished up with school so I will have less distractions and will be able to push out chapters a little faster. I am using a friend who is an editor as I tried to edit my self and I missed some things :P but we will see how that goes. While the story has a clear direction I will certainly add in some suggestions where I see fit :) Also I tried to compromise with the perspective switching and while I am still going to keep that detail, I will try to lessen how often it is done. Chap. 2 has been submitted so be on the look out for it in the next few days! As always thanks for reading
~M~

Good read, but...

You may want to have a close friend or someone double check the grammar and whatnot. Also, stick with one point of view, it's less confusing and doesn't break immersion as much.

I like the story, I'm excited to see where it goes. Keep up the great writing!

Good start.

I agree a grammar checker would be useful and some indication of changing perspectives would help.

Story wise- just a warning that nonconsent involving a character we have known since a baby can evoke a visceral reaction. Don't know what you've planned but thought I would put that out there. Seems clear that the boy will be mates with his new sister, which will cause some drama. Some back story on who she is and the relationship with Ryon's parents would be useful. I was annoyed for them to have a secret I couldn't share.

I'm not immersed in the story yet but it has potential!

Staying Power

Many of the previous comments have been about your grammar and POV's and I agree with their advice. The only thing I have to add is finish it, I have an entire folder full of great starts and half finished wonders. As a reader you have to know how painful it is to YOUR reader. So I beg please, PLEASE, have staying power.

5-STARS

A wonderful werewolf story and I really enjoyed reading it. My only complaint is the total lack of background on the infant. Who was her mother as she appeared to be known to Ryon's parents, what was in the note Brium threw into the fireplace, the significant of the necklace, and what about the infant's sense that needed to be hidden from the rest of the pack. Background is important to the reader, especially me as it lets me understand the character better and as to why he does or doesn't do things. I know with an infant there is not a lot of background but the note's contentence, the significance of the necklace, her sense difference, and maybe who the woman was that the parents knew would have brought the story into a sharper focus for the reader. Retired Army NCO