by AndyS_uk
Oh you must contine this elegantly decadent story of
D/s.
Charlene
excellent story and very erotic. i hope you continue your efforts.
Very good. Please keep going. I hope that her Mistress will introduce her to the whip and to bondage. She wants to be a good girl.
Extremely arousing and so well written! The detailed descriptions made this story truly beautiful and erotic. I can't wait for the next installment!
This was lovely. Very erotic, intelligent, well-written, and, above all, incredibly arousing. I can't wait to see how Andrea is teased and tormented in upcoming installments!
An Excellent “Short” story, well structured and readable, I look forward to more, but the structure is wrong for “Chapter 1” of a Novel. I suggest that a publisher would want to see good evidence of a longer story arc, a hot sex scene in “Chapter 1” may be seen as too much too soon, and if I were looking at this as a novel length piece I’d expect to see a couple more characters and more character development. I would not expect to be at this point in the story untill about ”Chapter 6”. I would find it hard to imagine you could keep this intensity up for more than 3 or 4 chapters like this. It’s still a nice piece of work; don’t give up.
Getting a story published is notoriously difficult, and doubly so in this genre, to achieve that aim you need more than just a good story, you need a lot of luck and perseverance too. There are places where this tale could be polished a little and perhaps a review edit might help.
If you still want to get this in print, you might like to consider submitting it under a more obviously FEMALE pseudonym.
It is such a long time since I have felt so horny. My mouth is dry, my head in a spin and I need to cum.
... this story but there was one thing which troubled me - the bedroom scene went much too quickly once Andrea knelt before her mistress.
For me she either had to have had already sensed that this would become a sexual d/s relationship or her misterss should have had to lead her step by step.
However, I'm still hoppeful that some day you'll publish a part 2.
R.
This is the first Mistress story I read through without cringing or wanting to puke. I was never fond of the word "slut". I find that word very degrading. I am so not into humiliation. But anyway, I liked the fact that the Mistress was kind, but still firm. Of course, overall, the story was very well written!
a tad too quick into the sexual action. Good descriptions, good development, and a bit of emotion. I doubt that relationships build up this rapidly but - maybe they do. Good story; I would ask that you continue.
Loved your story. The build up was fantastic and your description of the events created the perfect picture. I hope you decide to write more.
I thought the build-up was well done, and as some have said you could have strung out the bedroom scene a little more. But this was a very well written and very erotic story.
Well done. Great character development and love scene.
Very good story, extremely hot. I know there's a second chapter, but should should continue even farther.