A Snake's Consort

And...?

Either write a decent opener or don't bother posting. This...this is worse than a cliffhanger, it's a no-hanger, it's like you got tired of writing the paltry start you managed and copped-out. A standard Lit page is 3,700 words or thereabouts; this is 2,389 words, about two-thirds of a Lit page, so not really anything at all, not even a complete page.

FYI, a classic story narrtivve format goes like this: Intro, Rising Action, Climax, Falling Action, and Resolution (expository writing 101). On Lit, if you post a story in widely-spaced sectional format, each chapter can follow that general sequence, telling a mini-story as part of the larger narrative if you hope to keep reader interest, with all the chapters adding together to up to tell the whole story.

None of those are here, just a cast of poorly explained characters and a silly premise, that a royal family is broke, but instead of forming an alliance with the neighbors and sealing it with a marriage between their children, children rebel, much intrigue, sex, magic, and cartoon violence, they just sell up to the barbarians and apparently don't get paid, or even escorted to the border and kicked out, just chucked in a cell. WTF? A little internal logic at this point would have helped, or a little more detail about who and what they are, why they have magic, why the kingdom's broke, and why the king and queen are desperately naive half-wits, something to prime the pump, FFS

I suggest you read 'The Afflicted' if you want to know how to write a multi-part story full of glamor, intrigue, battle, magic, heroism and sex, or anything by Xarth or PacoFear if you want to learn how to tell a story period. I'm not trying to put you down, but if you post a story, or a story part, at least give your readers something to get their teeth into and wait with bated breath for the next thrilling installment.

Not enough in the first chapter more ASAP please (tomorrow!).

Huzzah

A bards tale told by the hearth in a crowed inn. We sit clutching our ales as we await for your epic story to continue.

anon and?

I've come understand that most anonymous commentators are unsure of their abilities . So to feed their insecurities they feel the need to denigrate others for their work. Me I know my writing isn't good enough. A good story is like a conversation and ninety percent of the human race do not speak properly. So unless you my professor of grammatical superiority can show us something to prove your greatness please refrain from bullying others.

Hmmm.....

Not a bad start. I would like to see more. Don't worry about professor Anon., there. Can't even give a name. I'm no writer, nor do I claim to be, however I am an avid reader, and I like the flow. So piss on the naysayers, and do what you wanna do. If they don't like that much, they don't have to read it.

Good start.

I wouldn't worry about the anonymous comments. If they can't give there name, then why bother to comment at all? I like the way this starts. It's not the best I've seen, but it is by far not the worst. Please continue to write more of this, but maybe a little longer chapters.

i hope there will be another chapter

Something different

I liked it was something new hope you continue it

Please

Please continue.
Adam

More Please

I can't wait to read more. To be honest, I hope that the barbarian bastard never gets to lay a finger on Alexandra but, if it does happen then at the very least I know that her brother is the one that took her virginity.