Too detached. You gave us enough back information to understand what is happening and why. The scene is short, so there is little time to get a straight up wank out of it. It needs either more.drawn out action or more emotion/feeling to give us a reason to get drawn in. It's a solid start, but at this stage just a start.
Too detached. You gave us enough back information to understand what is happening and why. The scene is short, so there is little time to get a straight up wank out of it. It needs either more.drawn out action or more emotion/feeling to give us a reason to get drawn in. It's a solid start, but at this stage just a start.
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