by countryman7
. . . and writing at the 9-year-old level, too!
I thought your story was interesting. Just ignore the mindless jerks.
The title says it all in only 7 words. Gee I can't get a girl for my self, I'm crashing at my brother's pad, why not knock off a piece of his girl. Just drug them both and screw a comatose girl, must be the best piece I've ever had.
Probably better than the blow up doll I used to use.
Instead of explaining what happened like it was a narration.
You would do better writing in first person or third person
as it happened.
Narration mode or style just isn't very erotic.
I liked the story. Those people with silly comments don't even bother to write ( or can't) so keep going there are a lot that will like your style and concept of writing!
I thought your story was pretty darn good. If your 'critics' are any better writers, they should be helping you out...or else shut their trap. Anyhow, I thought you could improve on the description of the whole scene. More detailed in the feelings and visuals...
Keep up the good work.
And at last I now know what actually happened! You snivelling little cocksucker! Some brother you are!What the fuck did you think you were doing? Do you even have the slightest idea as to what kind of damage you did? She KNEW! And now that I know how she knew, there is nothing left between us ever again! Scum bag scrotum bitch, When I get my hands on you, it'll be a tragedy...
Screw the maysayers. They don't know what Literotica is all about. This was a very sexy story and I loved the way you fucked your brother's finance. Great work, stud. Turned me on thinking about it.
A good story, true not the most original, but still a good read, well described