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English
VERY hard to read......PROOFREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So much promise, but immediate and then never-ending spelling, tense, punctuation and 'just-plain-wrong-words', glaring errors made it impossible....even a spell-checker could have caught some of these faux-pas...and a friendly proof-reader would have this looking and reading like the good story premise it started out to be!!!
???
Christor said it all, kind of a mess . I think there was a good story hidden in there.
How on earth did ...
... ANYONE 'favorite' this badly written mess??
This OUGHT to be better
Do you even try to read what you wrote before submitting?
Things like this: 'You uncross your legs and say "I'm getting kind of worm."'
You might consider de-worming this story ;)
Easy, killers
Good lord - who knew the Grammar Police would be out in force? Yes, spell check and an adorable/nit-picky editor would help but I think the story is what is important here. You are not up for a Pulitzer. It's Literotica. Usually people are generous with one another so that we can all fly our freak flag without judgement. Keep writing, friend.
Couldn't take it
I quit reading less than half way through. You should have gone to school, stayed in class and actually learned to read and write. This is one of the sorriest excuses for a "story" that I have ever seen.
Spelling
You could at least proof read the story once. Better yet have someone else do so. I lost the track because I kept having to figure out what word was really supposed to be there. Sadly this had potential to be a good read, but instead ended up trash.
WTH?
People, there are lots of stories to choose from - if you don't like the writing, move on. If the admin thought there was a problem it would not have been posted so cutting down someone who has the guts to put pen to paper (finger to keyboard?) is really not helpful.
Put yourself in someone else's shoes - second-language learner? Dyslexic? Nervous and hit submit before proofing? I notice no one is putting his user name on the comments - let us read your submitted work as a model of how to do it "right". Or, lighten up and let the guy post a damn story.
There's a story here wanting to get out
But it needs serious editing. Spell-check, basic grammar, introduction, point-of-view...there's quite a bit of work to be done.
I'll assume this is a first draft, though. Keep working on it; I'd love to see the finished product.
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