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English
Nice stuff
great images and rhythms.
a touch of voodoo and jamaica
makes me want gumbo
thank you
I could hear the steel drums here....
a jambing poem with some great alliteration in the first stanza. A wonderful drumming rhythm in enhanced with the word sounds. The second stanza though lost the beat as you seemed to roll into a dialogue, but then just as suddenly slipped out of it. "Separately not collectively seen," hit a low point, that only slightly recovered in the following lines. In the movie, Rene Zelweiger said "You had me at 'Hello.'" Well you had me through "...being black on a Saturday night." but then lost me in the second stanza.
I think you worked on stanza two, carrying that spirit, word play and rhythm from the first stanza this poem would dance.
jim : )
Yes!
So Glad I read Jim's review, I almost MISSED this one.
Sand in your shoe indeed.... love it
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