With no indication of previous encounters until the "scene" starts - it seems very disjointed and forced.
Please try again
by
Anonymous05/27/16
The story was good but could be better with a little more up front information and more physical details. You should write another chapter to update all 3 of them and fill in the missing pieces. I think the story will flow better once that's done. You have plenty to say in chapter 2 and things will be right on track.
by
Anonymous05/27/16
Not a newlywed until you are married
Did not read this due to newlywed wants brothers BEFORE wedding. She is nlt married yet.
English
Confused
The premise of the story is good but the line was disjointed, rushed. Get an editor and try again
Seems very rushed
With no indication of previous encounters until the "scene" starts - it seems very disjointed and forced.
Please try again
The story was good but could be better with a little more up front information and more physical details. You should write another chapter to update all 3 of them and fill in the missing pieces. I think the story will flow better once that's done. You have plenty to say in chapter 2 and things will be right on track.
Not a newlywed until you are married
Did not read this due to newlywed wants brothers BEFORE wedding. She is nlt married yet.
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