It has promise but needs a lot of work. Lose the pills and the whole growing additional 4 inches from pills is too unrealistic. Also you need more filler for it went from one thing to all of a sudden he is in bed with his sister. Needs a section with the parents telling them the room situation. Suggest you remove redo it and repost. As is **
by
Anonymous05/24/16
Once again, more of the same from this 'author'
As usual, no regard for tenses, story, or even coherence, it's just stream-of-consciousness randomness masquerading as a story. Please either read some established authors here and elsewhere and get a clue, or give up and find another hobby, because it's nonsense like this that clogs up the channels and delays the real writers from getting posted in a timely manner.
And Vastiesmith2/Bonnietaylor2,, re the '5' comment, please quit posting your standard 'asshole of Lit' cut & paste comment you post against every single fucking comment that doesn't fit into your 'rah-rah, how fucking amazing this story is' world--view; going anon hasn't fooled anyone, and certainly doesn't disguise the fact we all know you're the biggest asshole troll on this site.
STFU and haunt another website, FFS, all you're doing is harming the scores of authors who really don't deserve the shit you bring down on them by declaring your love and approval of their work; obviously you're an autistic retard who hasn't worked that out yet, so here's a hint; everyone hates you, no-one likes you or wants to see your comments, whether the love you profess, or the hate you spew, you'e obviously seriously mentally impaired, so seek help or get a keeper...
You deserve credit for the time and effort you devoted to composing and posting this story. However, that is about the only positive observation that can be made. As stated by other commenters, there is no overall continuity or "flow" to this tale. Along with this disjointed choppiness, there are numerous instances of incorrect verb tense, improper punctuation, poor spelling and so forth. So now as a fledgling writer, it is time to face facts: your writing skills are sub-par at best and you really have only two choices. You can give up writing so that you no longer continue to waste your time as well as your reader's. Or you can enlist the assistance of an editor/proofreader. You would be surprised at how helpful a second set of eyes can be before you publish. Actually, I suppose there is a third choice and that would be to do nothing and continue to post mediocre work and the critics be damned! Regular readers will certainly cringe upon seeing your stories show up if there is no obvious attempt on your part to improve. **
by
Anonymous05/24/16
HOT..!!!
Gave you a big "5" on this one and you are getting better and better with each story told.!*** Keep up the good work.
Looking forward to your next "hot" story.! yyyuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
by
Anonymous05/24/16
Wtf
Started out good then it's like you skipped half a page of the story. And quite a times.
why would artistic parents put grown kids in the same room and leave the gf/bf alone?
by
Anonymous05/24/16
This is a well-written story about brother and sister initially not having sex but due to Erin; she speared her own self on his huge cock and liked it. Now taking advantage of their mutual horniness and love they banged each other silly. I'd say this is a very good story about sibling love and hot sex. Hopefully, his sister will move in with him at some point and dump the prissy girlfriend; so they can love each other and screw each other silly and have the greatest oral sex too. Yes, we need at least another story maybe two; as this adventure will go a long way. Thanks.
by
Anonymous05/24/16
Crap
Missing all sorts of pieces - hard to follow. Makes little sense.
by
Anonymous05/24/16
Unbelievable
So his dick grows 4 inches because of some pills? I like my stories to be believable and this one isn't!
by
Anonymous05/24/16
Did I miss something?
Uh, seems like a major portion of the story is missing. Not sure why anon's are giving 5's, were they submitted by the writer???
by
Anonymous05/25/16
garbage
Trash. Junk. Parts are missing, almost every paragraph has a mistake. Thank goodness it was but one page.
by
Anonymous05/25/16
Rubish
That's what this story is, absolute rubish, from beginning to end. 1) There are no "pills that make you larger and thicker, especially by the insane amount the author suggests. 2) no parent sound proofs their kids rooms, their own sure, but never the kids'. These 2 major errors along with giant chunks of storyline missing and just pure unbelievable plot twists (why can't he sleep with his girlfriend?) I'd give it negative stars if I could.
by
Anonymous05/25/16
10 inch?
That is as far as I read.
by
Anonymous05/25/16
just terrible ! !
Give up while you're only a little behind pal. Find a new hobby ! Just terrible..
So first let me say this does not belong in the shitty stories category. It does need some work but it has a nice start. These are my suggestions and of course, others might have different ones. #1. Reduce his cock size to something more believable. From 6" to 10" is a big leap. Also ditch the "sports car" reference. It's pompous and doesn't add to the story. #2. You kinda skipped a whole section in which the parents pull the whole "separate rooms" for Eric and his girlfriend. Add that and some pre-work up to Eric and Erin sharing a room and bed. #3. I think some prior reference to Erin being a virgin would be nice and perhaps some background on her obvious crush on her brother. Flesh things out some more and don't rush to the end. Keep writing.
by
Anonymous05/26/16
What a load of crap
Does this "writer" seriously expect us to believe that a few pills can transform a 60 second squirter with a 6 inch pencil dick into an inexhaustible stud with a 10 inch cuntbuster? Or that a so called virgin could take 10 fat inches first time without either ripping his nuts off or screaming the house down?
by
Anonymous05/26/16
no, this is a perfectly okay story
And it brought back memories for me. I never fucked my baby sister and I don't think I even wanted to. But like siblings have done from the beginning of time, we played I'll show you mine if you show me yours. My kid sis's cute little pussy was the first one I ever saw, and I enjoyed stroking her between the legs, especially her sweet little clit. (She did too.) She was fascinated by my chubby cock hanging down over my balls, and when I sprang a hard on my pretty sister let out a little gasp and got so bug-eyed I had to laugh. Sis felt it with her tiny hand and whispered, "Oh, Danny, it is so hard!" That was years ago and I'm happily married now, but believe it or not I still occasionally jerk off remembering that. Brothers and sisters can have lots of good dirty fun together and there's no doubt many, many, many of them are doing it whenever they get the chance.
by
Anonymous05/28/16
Um...
You can't get pregnant from sucking a dick and having the load go down the throat. Sorry, but the body doesn't work that way.
by
Anonymous05/29/16
Doesn't play right.
Serious continuity issues. He's put out by being forced to room with his sister but a few lines before he and his girlfriend were settling into THEIR room. Doesn't make sense.
good story I look forward to reading more of your works and to the naysayers the story checks out maybe you have a problem with reading composition for instance when she was sucking his dick he thought of how his girlfriend didn't do these kinds of things for him and then realized he came inside her some during their sex session prior to this so try to read the story before trying to find plot holes that don't exist
English
nice
Hot Story
Im confused shitless, how the hell... this story is incoherant as fuck.
Fucking stupid
What the fuck was this shit I just read. Was it a bot generating random sentences?
5
to offset the asshole of LIT's 1 vote maybe you're just to fucking dumb to understand the story annony you ignorant fuck
The story needs work
It has promise but needs a lot of work. Lose the pills and the whole growing additional 4 inches from pills is too unrealistic. Also you need more filler for it went from one thing to all of a sudden he is in bed with his sister. Needs a section with the parents telling them the room situation. Suggest you remove redo it and repost. As is **
Once again, more of the same from this 'author'
As usual, no regard for tenses, story, or even coherence, it's just stream-of-consciousness randomness masquerading as a story. Please either read some established authors here and elsewhere and get a clue, or give up and find another hobby, because it's nonsense like this that clogs up the channels and delays the real writers from getting posted in a timely manner.
And Vastiesmith2/Bonnietaylor2,, re the '5' comment, please quit posting your standard 'asshole of Lit' cut & paste comment you post against every single fucking comment that doesn't fit into your 'rah-rah, how fucking amazing this story is' world--view; going anon hasn't fooled anyone, and certainly doesn't disguise the fact we all know you're the biggest asshole troll on this site.
STFU and haunt another website, FFS, all you're doing is harming the scores of authors who really don't deserve the shit you bring down on them by declaring your love and approval of their work; obviously you're an autistic retard who hasn't worked that out yet, so here's a hint; everyone hates you, no-one likes you or wants to see your comments, whether the love you profess, or the hate you spew, you'e obviously seriously mentally impaired, so seek help or get a keeper...
Not very good…
You deserve credit for the time and effort you devoted to composing and posting this story. However, that is about the only positive observation that can be made. As stated by other commenters, there is no overall continuity or "flow" to this tale. Along with this disjointed choppiness, there are numerous instances of incorrect verb tense, improper punctuation, poor spelling and so forth. So now as a fledgling writer, it is time to face facts: your writing skills are sub-par at best and you really have only two choices. You can give up writing so that you no longer continue to waste your time as well as your reader's. Or you can enlist the assistance of an editor/proofreader. You would be surprised at how helpful a second set of eyes can be before you publish. Actually, I suppose there is a third choice and that would be to do nothing and continue to post mediocre work and the critics be damned! Regular readers will certainly cringe upon seeing your stories show up if there is no obvious attempt on your part to improve. **
HOT..!!!
Gave you a big "5" on this one and you are getting better and better with each story told.!*** Keep up the good work.
Looking forward to your next "hot" story.! yyyuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Wtf
Started out good then it's like you skipped half a page of the story. And quite a times.
why would artistic parents put grown kids in the same room and leave the gf/bf alone?
This is a well-written story about brother and sister initially not having sex but due to Erin; she speared her own self on his huge cock and liked it. Now taking advantage of their mutual horniness and love they banged each other silly. I'd say this is a very good story about sibling love and hot sex. Hopefully, his sister will move in with him at some point and dump the prissy girlfriend; so they can love each other and screw each other silly and have the greatest oral sex too. Yes, we need at least another story maybe two; as this adventure will go a long way. Thanks.
Crap
Missing all sorts of pieces - hard to follow. Makes little sense.
Unbelievable
So his dick grows 4 inches because of some pills? I like my stories to be believable and this one isn't!
Did I miss something?
Uh, seems like a major portion of the story is missing. Not sure why anon's are giving 5's, were they submitted by the writer???
garbage
Trash. Junk. Parts are missing, almost every paragraph has a mistake. Thank goodness it was but one page.
Rubish
That's what this story is, absolute rubish, from beginning to end. 1) There are no "pills that make you larger and thicker, especially by the insane amount the author suggests. 2) no parent sound proofs their kids rooms, their own sure, but never the kids'. These 2 major errors along with giant chunks of storyline missing and just pure unbelievable plot twists (why can't he sleep with his girlfriend?) I'd give it negative stars if I could.
10 inch?
That is as far as I read.
just terrible ! !
Give up while you're only a little behind pal. Find a new hobby ! Just terrible..
Badly written, perfunctory, plotless crap.
5
to offset the asshole of LIT's 1 vote
stfu
god you people are crazy just read the smut and shut up stop depicting every little thing
People don't always agree with the other comments
Don't listen to the shitty ass comments. This is how you want to describe it and you have the god damn right to do so. Kudos to you, man
10 inches??
I quite reading after "10 inches".
Wrong category!!!
This belongs in the shitty stories category.
Has promise - Not shitty
So first let me say this does not belong in the shitty stories category. It does need some work but it has a nice start. These are my suggestions and of course, others might have different ones. #1. Reduce his cock size to something more believable. From 6" to 10" is a big leap. Also ditch the "sports car" reference. It's pompous and doesn't add to the story. #2. You kinda skipped a whole section in which the parents pull the whole "separate rooms" for Eric and his girlfriend. Add that and some pre-work up to Eric and Erin sharing a room and bed. #3. I think some prior reference to Erin being a virgin would be nice and perhaps some background on her obvious crush on her brother. Flesh things out some more and don't rush to the end. Keep writing.
What a load of crap
Does this "writer" seriously expect us to believe that a few pills can transform a 60 second squirter with a 6 inch pencil dick into an inexhaustible stud with a 10 inch cuntbuster? Or that a so called virgin could take 10 fat inches first time without either ripping his nuts off or screaming the house down?
no, this is a perfectly okay story
And it brought back memories for me. I never fucked my baby sister and I don't think I even wanted to. But like siblings have done from the beginning of time, we played I'll show you mine if you show me yours. My kid sis's cute little pussy was the first one I ever saw, and I enjoyed stroking her between the legs, especially her sweet little clit. (She did too.) She was fascinated by my chubby cock hanging down over my balls, and when I sprang a hard on my pretty sister let out a little gasp and got so bug-eyed I had to laugh. Sis felt it with her tiny hand and whispered, "Oh, Danny, it is so hard!" That was years ago and I'm happily married now, but believe it or not I still occasionally jerk off remembering that. Brothers and sisters can have lots of good dirty fun together and there's no doubt many, many, many of them are doing it whenever they get the chance.
Um...
You can't get pregnant from sucking a dick and having the load go down the throat. Sorry, but the body doesn't work that way.
Doesn't play right.
Serious continuity issues. He's put out by being forced to room with his sister but a few lines before he and his girlfriend were settling into THEIR room. Doesn't make sense.
I Want These Three Minutes Of My Life Back!
What a total waste of time!!!
Absolute Shit
This was awful.
dynamite read
good story I look forward to reading more of your works and to the naysayers the story checks out maybe you have a problem with reading composition for instance when she was sucking his dick he thought of how his girlfriend didn't do these kinds of things for him and then realized he came inside her some during their sex session prior to this so try to read the story before trying to find plot holes that don't exist
word salad
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