All Comments on 'New Beginnings'

I can't wait to read your next story. I love that it was not all about the sex. A good story does not need all the details. A good story lets your mind fill in the details.

A superb story for any author specially a first timer, congratulations and hopefully we'll read more such works in the future. The story had everything - drama, sex, raw emotions, sensual dialogue, great character build and development, and most importantly a happy ending. You have a great storytelling approach with clear directions to the story, broad sense of scope and managed to pack it so nicely those 8 pages just flew by.

There were some minor grammatical hiccups, like missing letters or works, but hey didn't compromise the feel of the story in the least.

As a whole it deserves nothing less than a full 5*!

Really looking forward to more from you soon!

I thought that AJ would've had sex with Michelle and Becky at the resort. Still. Wonderful story.

You can tell a story well. There were no errors in the writing that were significant enough to confuse or distract. The story line was clear and kept moving along. Some of the outcomes were predictable and others were not - which is good because it keeps the reader interested. There was sex in the story (which is sort of expected on this site) but it never descended into a boring catalog of 'I did this then she did that'. I liked the way you brought the story to a clean end with what amounted to an epilogue. It was much more satisfying than with untied loose ends. I would read and enjoy another of your stories. 5* from me

You need to get some help with editing. I noticed a few errors, including calling Becky 'Beaky' and frequent apostrophe abuse and misuse of the Saxon genitive, When talking about the ceremony to remember the dead, to say 'victim's' implies one victim; the correct form is victims'.

Take no notice of complaints. Was really enjoyable.

... to get someone to advise you on story construction and to proof read, and edit, to remove the myriad errors.

Has no one ever told you that when a 'word' contains an apostrophe (e.g. they're; we're' etc.) the apostrophe is indicating a missing letter?

Thus, for instance, "they're" indicates that the 'a' is missing from "they are"?

Failure to recognise that totally changes the sense of what is written!

Otherwise, it was a very good story. 4*

Those kids are going to be confused and fucked up, but I did enjoy the story. Keep on writing man.

This story was a brilliant piece of work. It all seemed very possible and I did picture myself in the same situation as the story began. Love is special and needs to be cherished always.

TS

Put in a nutshell by "reader_3634" & "this was simply amazing". They've already outlined clearly & concisely everything I thought as well. I'm blown away by the quality of writing you've presented for a first submission, but am willing to bet you're not a first time writer either and are rather accomplished in a different genre. I'm definitely looking forward to your next story if you should choose to post something on this site for all of us again. You get a 5 from me too.

Very well done. As others have said you could benefit from an editor for pesky grammar and punctuation that fresh eyes have a better time finding and correcting; that said you did really well with the most important and difficult part: storyline, character development and pacing. Really well done.

Thanks for an enjoyable, believable, and entertaining story. I will be watching for more!

Ok, so the grammar wasn't perfect. But the story was well constructed and there was good characterisation. I'm looking forward to your next submission.

I agree with you that character development makes a longer story both necessary and hotter. But if you can find away to increase the ratio of sex to non-sex paragraphs at least a little, it would help. I don't think you have to dramatically change your writing style to do that. I enjoyed this one, thanks.

This story was absolutely superb. :) I think it is one of the best stories I have read. It was so well developed and thought out. The story line is one I wish I could have had in my life... It would have been a dream beyond belief.... Keep writing like this and you will be a 6 star author.

Great to have the positive comments. Sorry about the punctuation errors. I will get someone else to look at my next story.

Fantasic first time story. The best first time story that I have read hands down. The story was extremely well written with great character development after the loss of AJ and Becky's family.

Please keep writing as I eagerly look foreword to your next instalment :D

Outstanding first effort! A bit of editing needed, but a proofreader is essential. Like all good writers, when you really get into the story the homophone error rate climbs sky high: there/their/they're; your/you're; for/four; etc. Almost no one can proof themselves - we all see what we know should be there, rather than what is actually printed there. You get a "five" from me for the story, now make use of the many fine volunteer editors and proofreaders on this site, and they'll have to add a sixth star or a "+" option!

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this so please write some more about this family ,chapter 2 maybe ?

I really liked the story, but the grammatical errors were frustrating, and they made it a lot less enjoyable.

Nice people, having nice times with each other!

Thanks!

(You could let AJ show his light-hearted side earlier.)

There was an actual flow in the story, with which you just connected....loved the concept of turning of pain into happiness over time...with love, truth, respect and effort....!!!!

Has a plot, realistic people and it's the story that keeps you reading. The sex is written neatly into the plot.

I agree with several of the posts, A good length of story with the right amount of sexy moments that fit well into the ongoing events. And Everyone happy is always a better ending.

For the Anon who complains about grammar, Try writing some of your own, until you can do it with no errors, SHUT UP. Once again, Those who can, DO, those who can't, complain.

Keep 'em coming!

As a guy, I would love to be in this situation. The only way it would be better is if I got to have sex with Michelle & Devon as well. lol

If I have to be brutally honest, I can't truly decide whether I liked or hated this story. Two things immediately bothered me - the pseudo-incest (without any forewarning... Not everyone is into that, even with it having that "not blood related" cop out) and the ridiculous amount of errors... Errors that would be caught in a very basic proofreading. I feel as if you gave us your rough draft. Missing words, typos, misspellings, wrong words, your/you're... And this all happened almost every paragraph. It made for an incredibly distracting read (and frustrating).

That's not to say this story is without any merit. You write in such a way that (ignoring the copious errors) flows, with one section blending into the next, making the reader eager to see what happens next.

So just when I'm starting to think I can ignore the errors and enjoy your story, it just seems... awkward. I can believe cousins can go at it, and I can even believe that people do weird things post-tragedy. But when everything works out into this perfect little fantasy without hard feelings, issues, fights, etc, I call bullshit.

But, this is a story, not real life, so if you wanted him to have a complete harem (or sprout rainbow wings of orgasm-bringing bliss) it's your call.

So you can see, I am truly torn. The errors and ridiculous nature of the story deserve a really low score 1 or 2. But the way you narrate, transition, and create the "rags-to-riches" (with a hint of early riches) archetype in emotions deserves praise, and a 4 or 5. Giving you an average of 3 doesn't seem fair either. So I am choosing to be generous, because my gripes are things that you can easily improve and refine; my praises are things that are extremely difficult to fix.

So please, refine your craft - you definitely have storytelling talent - and proofread and edit (or get an editor... People do it here for free...).

Silverfern has clearly never experienced profound grief. This cheerful ”happy sex heals all wounds” business is completely unbelievable, as anyone who has experienced real grief would know.

Silverfern’s attitude towards education is another problem. He has his characters drop out of school as though it’s unimportant to their lives... and then demonstrates the opposite with his many, many grammatical errors. [There are differences between their, they’re, and there, as just one example, that have escaped him.]

Silverfern also went for the most vanilla of possible categories when he chose ‘First Time’. It could better be listed as ‘Incest’, although ‘Group’ would be appropriate, too. Not everyone enjoys stories about incest— why blindside us? [And that little tacked-on caveat about her father really being her stepfather didn’t help, when they were raised as relatives.]

I’m not saying the story was completely hopeless. If he found a different way for these people to end up living together (without killing their entire families!), Silverfern, with an editor’s help, could create a good story for these characters, which is why I opted for three, vice two stars.

I really love ❤ it!

You write about love and careing. I like your style and you only take a short note about Sasha is coloured, not rant about it! This is what it has to be! As we are ALL human.

Please get your time for the next to hold this high quality. Thanks for your writing!

That was a great story with a very touching ending.

Just perfect !

Rapier

very good. thought it might just stay as a 3 person "family" and Michele would accept AJ as a lover as she had with his Dad