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English
Lighten up
Read the story before you comment like an asshole. There is no cheating or cuckolding. This is about a husband and wife and the games they play. It's mentioned multiple times throughout the story.
Fine story.
Did you ever take an English class?
In a paragraph, when the same person is talking, you don't put quotation marks around each sentence. Gave it 1* just because it was too hard to read. Plus, you kept changing tenses.
A great story that shows sex doesn't die when you're married.
Judging by the comments, most readers didn't understand that it was a role play between a husband and wife; but those did appreciate it.
Thanks for writing.
5
to offset the brain dead fool called annony. This retard hates everything
1*
Vote 1* for 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄™ (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka ANON!
12 comments and only 2 readers really read the story!!!
12 comments and only 2 readers really read the story!!! The other 10 were to insult each other and some the writer!!! This is a story about a married couple who don't need to cheat to spice up their sex life...3*
Nice story
Not War and Peace, but sexy and entertaining. Unlike most of the commenters you've actually had sex a time or two and you write realistically. Keep at it and ignore the trolls. You'll always have an audience.
Good first effort
I gave it a '3', as some of the grammar and punctuation need work, but it was a fair enough effort. Many of the comments are ignorant, made by ignorant, no talent people, and it's those people who have made writers, including me, stop making submissions. Pearls before swine.
Welcome to Lit
This is an excellent debut, IMHO, but there are a few things you could have done to make it a bit more interesting. Specifically, if you hadn't revealed that this was a married couple at the very beginning, it would have added an interesting (though not entirely original) twist.
Also, I feel like the ending felt incomplete. This story would benefit from some sort of resolution, like a pithy comment ("Let's do it again next week") or some hint that this story is part of some much larger story arc. As it stands, this is simply a sex scene between a loving married couple, which is -- hopefully, for most of us -- a commonplace occurrence.
Excellent
and a story in the correct section, so refreshing no other parties involved. Keeping a marriage hot without involving others. Look forward to more
A Great Storyteller is Born?
I gave it *4. In the Loving Wife section, it sometimes feels as if you are reading the same story time and time again.
I gave a higher score based on the author's originality of thought and excellent depiction of the sex scene.
I would encourage the author to publish his follow-up story almost immediately on the assumption that when you're hot you're hot and you're HOT right now.
A Good First Entry
I am looking forward to more stories from you. But you are off to a good start.
Sexy Read***
Thanks for sharing.
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