Triad of Starter Marriages Stutter then Sputter to a Halt
Smooth read with so-so reveal . No fictional kids were traumatized by infidelity that occurred and accrued in the birth of this story , mainly due to the fact they had not been conceived. I think the impact of the reveal was lessened because imhapless didn't invest in getting the readers invested in his characters.
The author has excellent premises, but can be a rabid minimalist in their execution.l to his tales detriment. However he is always worth taking a chance on. The worst stories are always very brief and never bottom out , but his best work has zing, humor and spice to spare.
at the negativity in the previous comments. Of course we knew where the story was going, (the author never tried to hide that), even if some of the details came clearer at the story progressed. I wouldn't say this was an all time favorite top story but it was a pleasant read that was worth the time spent on it. Certainly worth the 4* I gave it. I liked the twist at the end where Rachael seems to regret breaking up with Bob (her relationship with Rick went to hell in a handbasket?). I guess that 'once a cheater - always a cheater'. Apart from the fact that Bob had everything organised for their meeting - the fact that Rachael was already cheating after being described so sympathetically and denying it, was the other surprise. Overall it was well written and a worthwhile read.
It seems like you want t write a wife swapping story but you don't want to piss off your readers. So you write this instead. Just write whatever you want to. If it pisses people off so fucking what.
Everything that happened in this story was a little too easy. Each character simultaneously discovered their perfect soulmate within the same timeframe, and within the same three sets of couples. What are the odds??
It's also convenient that none of these couples had children, and that each person was readily willing to end his/her marriage without much angst or heartbreak.
It seemed like unnecessary hero-building to make the main character into the only moral and faithful member of the group, and even more unnecessary to turn him into a superspy who wears disguises and breaks into homes to secretly record people having sex.
This is fantasy fiction, but it should be somewhat plausible fantasy fiction.
"A" for effort. Thanks for contributing.
One side note: the first several paragraphs are painful to read. You used so many statistics, I felt like I was reading the back of a baseball card. Just as a piece of advice, instead of writing "she was 5'3", 110 lbs, and size 34C breasts", try writing, "she was petite and slim, but with ample sized breasts." Use descriptive words instead of numbers.
Also, instead of listing the physical traits of every character all at once, try working it into the narrative as you go along. Instead of writing, "She had green eyes. She smiled at me." Try: "She smiled at me, and her green eyes sparkled." Or, just leave the physical descriptions to the imaginations of the readers.
You wanted to write a wife swapping story but chickened out for fear of the haters and their vitriolic comments about wife swapping so you tried to appease them. Despite this cop out it was a pleasant read because you write well. 3 stars.
I don't believe the author chickened out to write a wife swapping story. If you are familiar with his writing... he does not write sharing wives story as far as i know.
Nice work ... btb story by moving on and thriving and living happy ever after.
A good reading...but as @swingerjoe says too many coincidences...all three men had to fall in love with one of the wives...Interesting to know what would happen if one of them still loved only his wife or vice-versa...Some comments say: "you wanted to write a wife swapping story but you didn't want to piss off your readers..." Really? What I think is that plot was too easy and too much used, and the writer have chosen another road!!! 3*
Pretty funny stuff. It seemed odd that they never really had any closing dialogue between the six of them. Bob and Brenda turned out as the only serious people. That seemed a little strange given the character you gave the six. But it was surly entertaining.
Actually, the story disappointed me! Why? Because I was hoping for a wife swapping story in which all the guys did all the gals and all the gals did all the guys. Good old fuckfest with lots of arousing descriptions of the couplings! FFM! MMF! MMFF! MMMFFF! FF! FFF! MM! MMM! Straight, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual. All the possible combinations. Guess my proclivities are too over the edge for the author! Rated 3 stars.
It was a little contrived, but it was fun to see it unfold.
My only "complaint" is a pet peeve. Describing characters with references to celebrities. It's lazy, imhapless. It's also pointless if readers don't have any idea who you are talking about. Two such references in the same story is really cutting corners. I expect a writer to paint a picture for me, not show me People magazine.
English
Triad of Starter Marriages Stutter then Sputter to a Halt
Smooth read with so-so reveal . No fictional kids were traumatized by infidelity that occurred and accrued in the birth of this story , mainly due to the fact they had not been conceived. I think the impact of the reveal was lessened because imhapless didn't invest in getting the readers invested in his characters.
The author has excellent premises, but can be a rabid minimalist in their execution.l to his tales detriment. However he is always worth taking a chance on. The worst stories are always very brief and never bottom out , but his best work has zing, humor and spice to spare.
****
Decent read from the shallow end of the pond.
The term love has basically become meaningless...
Most times any person feels strong feelings of lust and like towards another they attribute it to love, and start behaving stupidly..
nice try but ..
Didnt work for me I'm afraid.
No plot, no drama, no romance ...... just some very shallow people.
no score
I have read many stories from this author before , but after the 1st page , saw where this was going. My fault for not reading tags first.
no score
I'm surprised
at the negativity in the previous comments. Of course we knew where the story was going, (the author never tried to hide that), even if some of the details came clearer at the story progressed. I wouldn't say this was an all time favorite top story but it was a pleasant read that was worth the time spent on it. Certainly worth the 4* I gave it. I liked the twist at the end where Rachael seems to regret breaking up with Bob (her relationship with Rick went to hell in a handbasket?). I guess that 'once a cheater - always a cheater'. Apart from the fact that Bob had everything organised for their meeting - the fact that Rachael was already cheating after being described so sympathetically and denying it, was the other surprise. Overall it was well written and a worthwhile read.
Not very good
It seems like you want t write a wife swapping story but you don't want to piss off your readers. So you write this instead. Just write whatever you want to. If it pisses people off so fucking what.
Great Read
Well written. Just as well 2 of them didn't fall in love with the same person. Then it could have got really complicated. :)
A little too convenient
Everything that happened in this story was a little too easy. Each character simultaneously discovered their perfect soulmate within the same timeframe, and within the same three sets of couples. What are the odds??
It's also convenient that none of these couples had children, and that each person was readily willing to end his/her marriage without much angst or heartbreak.
It seemed like unnecessary hero-building to make the main character into the only moral and faithful member of the group, and even more unnecessary to turn him into a superspy who wears disguises and breaks into homes to secretly record people having sex.
This is fantasy fiction, but it should be somewhat plausible fantasy fiction.
"A" for effort. Thanks for contributing.
One side note: the first several paragraphs are painful to read. You used so many statistics, I felt like I was reading the back of a baseball card. Just as a piece of advice, instead of writing "she was 5'3", 110 lbs, and size 34C breasts", try writing, "she was petite and slim, but with ample sized breasts." Use descriptive words instead of numbers.
Also, instead of listing the physical traits of every character all at once, try working it into the narrative as you go along. Instead of writing, "She had green eyes. She smiled at me." Try: "She smiled at me, and her green eyes sparkled." Or, just leave the physical descriptions to the imaginations of the readers.
I agree with both Mike and Reader
You wanted to write a wife swapping story but chickened out for fear of the haters and their vitriolic comments about wife swapping so you tried to appease them. Despite this cop out it was a pleasant read because you write well. 3 stars.
share signe 5/19
I don't believe the author chickened out to write a wife swapping story. If you are familiar with his writing... he does not write sharing wives story as far as i know.
Nice work ... btb story by moving on and thriving and living happy ever after.
A good reading...but...
A good reading...but as @swingerjoe says too many coincidences...all three men had to fall in love with one of the wives...Interesting to know what would happen if one of them still loved only his wife or vice-versa...Some comments say: "you wanted to write a wife swapping story but you didn't want to piss off your readers..." Really? What I think is that plot was too easy and too much used, and the writer have chosen another road!!! 3*
Marriage roulette
Pretty funny stuff. It seemed odd that they never really had any closing dialogue between the six of them. Bob and Brenda turned out as the only serious people. That seemed a little strange given the character you gave the six. But it was surly entertaining.
Disappointed!
Actually, the story disappointed me! Why? Because I was hoping for a wife swapping story in which all the guys did all the gals and all the gals did all the guys. Good old fuckfest with lots of arousing descriptions of the couplings! FFM! MMF! MMFF! MMMFFF! FF! FFF! MM! MMM! Straight, Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual. All the possible combinations. Guess my proclivities are too over the edge for the author! Rated 3 stars.
I liked it
It was a little contrived, but it was fun to see it unfold.
My only "complaint" is a pet peeve. Describing characters with references to celebrities. It's lazy, imhapless. It's also pointless if readers don't have any idea who you are talking about. Two such references in the same story is really cutting corners. I expect a writer to paint a picture for me, not show me People magazine.
Otherwise, I like your stuff.
this story is like salami and swiss on rye with just a smidge of mayo, a pickle, a bag of chips, and a bottle of water. yummy.
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