All Comments on 'Nurse Myer'

by BigKarrl

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  • 8 Comments
RapidResponderRapidResponderalmost 8 years ago
Reconsider

The most frightening part of this story is the last line. Before you continue, please get some editing assistance. Your use of first person present tense was ill advised and you managed to mangle it magnificently. Your inability to manage your pronouns was almost entertaining! You should be commended for your effort, but, realistically? Your writing needs lots of improvement. **

tentaclesforalltentaclesforallalmost 8 years ago
to be continued

please do...

That said a first person perspective is always a little jarring here on literotica I find and not often is it well done.

The imagination is certainly there and I do find myself wanting to know how the story continues, but you could use some technical help.

BigKarrlBigKarrlalmost 8 years agoAuthor
Third Person

My apologies for some of the errors, I have made adjustments and resubmitted.

smithbill1970smithbill1970almost 8 years ago
Great story line, lousy writing

Nurse or doctor, him or her, yours or mine, had a hard time following. At the very least h read it yourself before submitting, better yet find someone else to read it first. Love the story line, hated the writing. Good luck with the next installment.

BigKarrlBigKarrlalmost 8 years agoAuthor
Corrections

Again, apologies, have resubmitted, waiting for the corrected version to appear.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago
Looking Forward

To the next chapter.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago
I am then telling me to get up

Good, but spoilt by bad writing, as above.

BigKarrlBigKarrlover 7 years agoAuthor
Part 2 is up :)

For those that asked for part 2 and better writing, hopefully this is ok :)

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