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Too many mistakes.
I see incomplete sentences, inappropriate changes in verb tense, commas inserted for no reason, and typographical errors, and that's just the first paragraph. Try reading your work as if your job were to find the problems in someone else's story.
UNFORTUNATE
It's unfortunate that I'm spoiled by folks who either have a good background in using English grammar and (or) who use a good editor. I am sure that carlyxo has a great story concept, but I was so unimpressed by the failure to follow basic grammar rules that I gave up before finishing the first paragraph.
My Bad
This is a very old story I wrote about a past infatuation. I just wanted to post it, see what could happen with it, and forget about it. Some sort of closure I guess? I believe I lost the edited version when transferring computers and I apologize for the glaring mistakes.
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