Overall good and well written. Since you asked for suggestions:
- Always the subject of debate but this is probably more BDSM than anal.
- A bit more focus on feelings and emotions. I didn't really feel how she felt about being handcuffed. Was there hesitation on her part? Fear she had gone too far?
- How did she feel when she was being ass fucked for the first time? Spend more time on what she was feeling, physically and emotionally.
Overall a really good first attempt. Keep it up! You have a lot of potential.
by
Anonymous06/03/16
Amazing
It kinda turned me on. I want to try this with my boy friend now.
English
brilliant
really enjoyed it - thanks, more please.
Just not well written.
Consider using a different pov. You just do not write well enough to do second person. Very few can.
Also having something worth saying would help. You don't.
Hot
Good story, very hot & well written. Ignore that first comment, what a jerk!
Good First Attempt
Overall good and well written. Since you asked for suggestions:
- Always the subject of debate but this is probably more BDSM than anal.
- A bit more focus on feelings and emotions. I didn't really feel how she felt about being handcuffed. Was there hesitation on her part? Fear she had gone too far?
- How did she feel when she was being ass fucked for the first time? Spend more time on what she was feeling, physically and emotionally.
Overall a really good first attempt. Keep it up! You have a lot of potential.
Amazing
It kinda turned me on. I want to try this with my boy friend now.
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