Honey, We Have to Talk

The Joke's On Him!

Hubby thought he was being so clever by screwing her in the divorce.What he didn't know was that his wife was collecting $25 for each blow job and $50 for each fuck! Some of her best regular customers were his friends and the guys he worked with.
- She'd also had a friend video a lot of the action and she's been receiving 10 cents a hit on PornStarsAreUs.com. She's currently at half a million hits!
- Her porn name,you ask? "The Grand Canyon"

I honestly don't understand the websites praise for this exact scenario being written about again and again and again by lazy authors. It's not interesting, there's no plot or characters (for the types who jump to proclaim the great literary value of btb stories) and it certainly isn't erotic (for those of us who remember this is an erotica site).

It's not even funny, unless you're like iron dragon and consider "a bad thing happens to a woman" the height of hilarity.

Here, let me make him happy. One day, a woman walked into a bar. A group of men gang raped her and beat her until she was in a coma. Then her husband divorced her and married guys secretary while she was in the hospital. Everyone agrees she deserved it because she was at the bar without her husband.

*Pauses for laughter and applause at his joke*

Am I funny enough to finally get the approval he thinks I want from him? Oh please tell me Iron Dragon likes me now. Maybe he'll start emailing me about fucking his wife like he used to, he seemed pretty annoyed when I turned him down and hasn't let it go since.

Pretty Good Flash Story

Appreciate no RAAC or cuckdom in the story. Concise and clear.

I'm confused...

What I read here was pretty much a classic; caught her, manned up, got the divorce, found another, and moved on. Then I read FLC's comment. How did he come up with the abusive misogynistic rape by-line?

I enjoy a good shorty like this one every once in a while; the debauched wife got her comeuppance, and the hardworking husband got away. Couldn't think of a happier ending, and certainly not FLC's suggestion. I mean who'd want to find a way to get any woman gang raped? This guy FLC is one sick old dude.

RLmann gets his five, and FLC get's his well deserved reprimand.
Jedd Clampett

People don't worry about frontline

If the man is getting ass raped and the wife fucks the entire cowboys football team has 23 kids and wins everything in the divorce, then and only then was it a good story. So that being said good story.

Almost didn't read this story

I read it and thought, "Ugh. Another one of these unbelievable stories." I then read the comments to see why it received a four star rating. The further back I read, the more disappointed I became. And then I read the reveal.

I am still laughing my ass off.

I have to congratulate you on a successful experiment. I wasn't going to rate this story, or comment. But when I was let in on the joke, I had to give it a five. It was completely unenjoyable, but it accomplished the goal that it was set out to do. I won't say anything more because I want people after me to read through the comments like I did to get in on the joke.

1*

Far fetched btb story,read better or worse. Those that gave this story a five based on why the story was written rather than the quality shows your contempt. Joined the popular band wagon. Figures.
Would have thought some authors comment above the fray of LW. Wasn't disappointed, they don't.

BTB

BTB authors and their fans are deserving of contempt. What the hell is "loving" or "erotic" about a cheating wife? What is "loving" about divorce, revenge, and murder? Why visit the "Loving Wives" section of an erotic website to read that garbage?

I understand that some men are bitter and angry becaus their ex-wives cheated on them, and somehow these stories provide them with some sort of twisted therapy by reliving their nightmare, but with a more courageous outcome. That's fine. But take those therapist sessions to the Non-Erotic section where it belongs.

I'm so glad this story exposed this bitter old men for who they are and what their agenda really is about. I especially enjoyed seeing carvohi and IronDragon make fools of themselves by praising and five-starring an intentionally awful story.

@btb anon

No one wants sperm slurping cuck stories that you seem to like. If not being a queer makes me a misogynist the that's what I am. I'm proud to not be gay. #STRAIGHTWHITEMALEPRIDE

@ @ btb anon

Who called you a misogynist, you fucking dunce? Do you need a new eyeglass presciption or do you simply have the reading comprehension skills of a third-grader? And who said anything about cum-slurping? It must be something you think about often if it came to mind so quickly without any mention of it.

Now go back to beating your wife.

@ BTB annon

So btb authors and fans deserve to be held in contempt ? What a special breed of Asshole you are.
You come here gloating about certain authors and readers who simply commented on a story that they had no idea was a foolish gimmick written by an author in disguise , who has a personal beef with the site moderators for not upholding his personal standards and beliefs on THEIR site !
Wow , sometimes their simply isn't words to describe the asinine comments of some bitter assed people .
So go ahead and laugh it up Asswipe , but guess what , your feelings nor this little prank by Swingerjoe are going to change this category one little iota .
This site is in the end a business. And the more eyes on means more success for Literotica as a whole. They know the types of stories that lead to the most viewership , and guess which ones they are ! Just look at the views and favorites and the scores on btb stories versus the other story types in this genre . Numbers don't lie.
So I am glad you feel so joyful about Iron Dragon and Carvohi not going through the entire comments section of a silly little story that was a weasely trick to begin with.
But just remember this , the next story that either of those authors post , just compare the views , favorites , and overall scores to the latest Swingerjoe submission .( I think that's the real reason behind RLmann's newest story.) Then you will understand why the btb crowd really is the backbone of the Loving Wives site.

skeletal outline

Wasted my time. Only positive is he stopped being a cuck. 2 stars.

@ Anon

You realize you just made the author's point, right? His argument is that BTB scores are irrelevant because BTB fans rate them all at five, and your response is: "look at the scores for BTB stories! They're so high, so they must be awesome!" Seriously?

ID and Carvohi also proved the author's point by praising this story despite the fact that it was written as a joke. It seems the entire BTB audience has exposed itself as the joke it has been all along.

@ Asswipe

My comment was aimed at you and the Faux author.
The business end of this site is the true yardstick of this site, get it !
You and Swingerjoe may feel so superior , great , enjoy it. But in the end the majority rules . Sorry you're on the short end of that stick.

@ asswipe, asswipe

You missed the entire point of this story, apparently. SJ isn't mocking the site's admins or trying to wage a campaign to change the LW category. He's mocking the BTB crowd and their agenda for praising stories and handing out five-star ratings for stories that aren't worthy of such praise. He succeeded in that mission, to the chagrin of IronDragon, carvohi, and the rest of the BTB gang.

You've all been exposed like the Emperor strutting naked down the street. From now on, your comments and ratings for all LW stories will come with the undeniable assumption that you care more about the fate of fictitious cheating wives than you do about the actual content and quality of the story itself. This story's four-star rating is rock-solid proof of your dishonesty.

DON'T TAKE MUCH TO ENTERTAIN A COUNTRY BOY!

Okay, so now I should feel betrayed, pissed off, foolish, or what?. I read this story and rated it before reading the first comment. Yes, I rated it a 5. So call me stupid, if you must.

Unlike apparently most of the readers who bother to comment on these stories, I rate on two factors: #1 Did the story entertain me, or to put it another way, could I suspend belief long enough to accept the story could have happened in the world the writer created. #2 Is the story fairly well written? My standard here is pretty loose for the first time writer, but a little tighter for an old timer like swingerjoe. I try, sometimes unsuccessfully, to not give a damn about if I agree or disagree with the premise of the story. Personally, being a flawed human myself I tend to believe in forgiveness, yes even 7 times 70 and beyond.

I have been an avid reader of fiction since my first comic books in the early fifties and only once can I remember putting a book away because I didn’t like the way things were going. (That book was the Thornbirds. When the boys destroyed the little girl’s doll, it pissed me off so bad I have never been able to complete that book even after many tries.) The reason for reading fiction is entertainment. What’s so hard to understand about that?

So Joe wrote under another name and wrote a story trying to pull suckers in. So what? 99% of the reading public would, like me, have never noticed. They would have simply thought “hummm…camera worn around neck? Well, not too long ago Dick Tracy’s wrist radio raised eyebrows and look at what we have now. So you people can kick Joe all you want, but me, I still remember some kind words he had for a green writer who, after reading the shitty comments from some on this site, really needed them. THANKS JOE.

BTW for all of you who bitch about how Laurel runs this site, there are others available, most notable are Lush, Stories on line, and storiesxnxx.com., that take an altogether different tact. You might want to try them, but I suspect you’ll be back, for Lit has a far superior product.

Well said, C Dreamer

Like you and many others, I was sucked in by Joe's tricky alter ego author and would have stayed so had some anonymous whistle-blower not lifted the veil.

I also agree with your technique for rating a story. It's a matter of does a story do what it sets out to do that matters. As you say, does it entertain and is it well written? One-bombing a story because you think the characters are not nice people is stupid.

But my main reason for responding to your comment was your mentioning of the kind word given by Joe when you were a new contributor. I had the same experience and really appreciated it.

Lue

Just asanine

Take a look at some intelligent comments, obviously written by discerning people who care about good writing. One anony said, "So all it takes is a divorce? Then it's a good story? It was a plot my 15 year old son could have written. Just nothing." He was obviously not a cuck fan, but didn't like this piece of crap, anyway. Saxon_Hart didn't like it either, and he is certainly on the BTB side. HDK didn't get sucked in either. Smart readers just thought the story sucked, although it was better than swingerjoe's usual.

It was just a stupid ass trick that only assholes like swingerjoe, luedon and javmor would like. Just wait for the blowback on the next javmor piece of crap that comes out, or if luedon ever finishes her story or if swingerjoe ever finds his balls and enables scoring on his shit. We have long memories. Now, fuck off, asslickerjoe.

@ "just asinine"

Look at the score. Look at the TWENTY ONE favorites. Look at the comments by ID, carvohi, and others. Cherry-pick all you'd like, but the vast majority of readers liked this story.

@ just asinine

Why would lue and javmor get blow back? I could understand swinger Joe since this is his story, but why the other two? I don't understand your rationale on that one.,

I thought the story was good. Call me a Btb fundamentalist, or whatever.

1*

too short. too stupid.

@just asanine

I see exactly why anony thinks there should be blowback. Anyone that thinks this shit is cute is just as big an asshole as swingerjoe. I'll be one bombing anyone that supports or thinks this is anything but a chickenshit move.

Good flash. Could be better if you avoided ridiculous phrases like . . .
"I've never actually seen a person melt into a puddle of tears before - until that moment."

People don't "actually" melt into puddles.

1 bombing people for liking a story that you don't like.

Now that's fair scoring!

Lex1, his name is Gary

Twistedsickmind describes him in his story
'The One Bomber'.
It's in the Humor and Satire archive.
Lue

Pretty sure

The one bomb guy isn't about the story. It's about the douchebaggery.

My favorite new word !

" Douchebaggery" , Bahahaha ! I cannot wait to use that in a conversation !!!

@Swingerjoe

Look at the similar stories list that Literotica posted to your story. Longhorn_07 , Jidoka , oshaw , Vandemonium1 are the authors listed. So this little trick of yours is basically a slap in their faces , right.
Those are some of the most viewed and respected authors in the LW category , so why don't you be man enough to message them and say to their face what you really think of them. Bet you would get a quick lesson in literary etiquette !
But no , real authors go about their own business and simply post stories that their own imagination brings forth , and not playing immature little gotcha games.
Maybe you could learn a thing or two about manners from these gentlemen , seems not to be your strong suit .

re:@swingerjoe

Wow, it couldn't have been said better. Just a bullshit maneuver by one of the site's biggest toolboxes. The lickspittles that thought it was funny are just as bad.

@ @ swingerjoe

Yes, this is a well-deserved virtual slap in the face to every lazy author who submits a paint-by-numbers story about a brainless wife who cheats for no reason and ends up divorced, dead, and/or humiliated. And your point is?

I'm all in favor of a good revenge tale, but for fuck's sake make it interesting, compelling, original, engaging, realistic, and/or erotic. I detest these simplistic stories that include the same one-dimensional characters and the same monotonous plot. My point in writing this tale was to prove how easy it is, and how the BTB monkeys will hoot and applaud such a dull and repetitive story simply because it advances their agenda. I also wrote this to prove that the ratings for LW stories are entirely meaningless. I think I proved both points beyond a shadow of a doubt, don't you, Anony?

(And by the way, I find it endlessly amusing for someone to tell me to man-up while cloaking himself in anonymity. How about you man-up and register a username so I know who the fuck I'm talking to, and so that I can contact you directly, man to man?)

Sometimes Less IS More

A short story, but damn well told. That's good enough for me.

He may go to jail but for how long. His wife porn is out there forever for the world to view.

Damn

I'm not having as much fun here anymore. Damn.

to anon 06/09/ 16

I get a chuckle out assholes like you that think in your own mind that you know the divorce laws in every state and country. Like your a joiner lawyer, fuck off and die asshole

Short and sweet

Not bad, a fun quick read.

Anon from 06/09/16...

Her sex, her necklace, their computer... With files uploaded from it while she was home.
She's shown she's a slut so how will she prove she wasn't so slutty so as to WANT the videos "she" recorded uploaded...?

Though, really, how much usable footage would he get...?

Blowjobs would likely show a guy's knees...
Doggy would likely show a rocking space in front of her...
Her on her back might show her cleavage and a guy bouncing in front of her...

But still an enjoyable flash.

re: So bad it was laughable

poorly thought out comment. "SHE AGREED TO THE TERMS", is was filed with the court clerk. No one stepped in a court room. If all terms are agreed to, it's a rubber stamp and life goes on. It's called a marital settlement agreement, marital separation agreement, or divorce settlement agreement form depending on what state your in.

Yep!

Well worth it!

WHY GIVE HER ANYTHING?

If you've got her by the short hairs, why volunteer to give the slut anything? At least anything other than her freedom. Again, why give the bitch any reward at all for shitting on the marriage.

POV!

Her necklace wiil only show who she's with. How does she become a porn star?