It was short and sweet, but I got a little confused towards the end when It went from first person to second...
by
Anonymous06/01/16
Changes ruin tension!
This would have been a truly hot story, had the author bothered to edit it properly. My guess is that the tale began as a second-person ( I - you ), and was eventually changed into a first-person ( I - he ) narrative, but a few sentences got missed in the editing process.
Unfortunately, those jarring changes in 'person' absolutely destroyed the sexual tension the author was building, in the story.
This story had the makings of a hot narrative, but because of the bad editing, I am left limp and unloaded. I did give 3 stars for the storyline . Please use a editor or find a better one next time and try again. Good luck.
by
Anonymous06/02/16
Great
I loved the change in perspective, nice twist to bring the reader in. Fuck the haters
Stepmothers are always a pleasure to step in and decorate the room of her cunt with lot of cum.
I hope my son will do to his stepmother, they are already being processed.
I hope one day he will cuckold me.
English
Change in tense?
It was short and sweet, but I got a little confused towards the end when It went from first person to second...
Changes ruin tension!
This would have been a truly hot story, had the author bothered to edit it properly. My guess is that the tale began as a second-person ( I - you ), and was eventually changed into a first-person ( I - he ) narrative, but a few sentences got missed in the editing process.
Unfortunately, those jarring changes in 'person' absolutely destroyed the sexual tension the author was building, in the story.
I agree
This story had the makings of a hot narrative, but because of the bad editing, I am left limp and unloaded. I did give 3 stars for the storyline . Please use a editor or find a better one next time and try again. Good luck.
Great
I loved the change in perspective, nice twist to bring the reader in. Fuck the haters
when mom becomes Bride for me
Stepmothers are always a pleasure to step in and decorate the room of her cunt with lot of cum.
I hope my son will do to his stepmother, they are already being processed.
I hope one day he will cuckold me.
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