The Time Traveler

Paradox

Hahaha omg, funniest porno ive read. Great with the time travel and showing what happens when you screw around with the past. Tom must of had quite a surprise after that. Hahaha +5 stars

Time travel has been used as a writing device many times in Literotica. However, I felt that the writing style of this story was way too stilted and gave it one star.

Tom is good

So, we are supposed to believe Tom is his own father? Pretty neat... wish I could have done that with my own mom. I would have strangled her after I fucked her.

Could you go into more detail, this just looked like a quick read and wasnt very interesting... 1 star

was this some kind of 8th grade bet? he had to kidnap her then lie so she would give it up without it being a physical rape (just emotional) did he never wonder what would happen to her afterwards being knocked after a 1 night stand then why he never met his dad? I mean come on he was supposed to be smart.

WHAT ?

STORY STARTS OUT WITH RAPE...... SICK MIND, IT'S NOT EROTIC
TO CARRY OUT A CRIME, ONLY SICK....... SORRY COULD NOT HET PAST FIRST 1/2 PAGE........ PLEASE SEEK HELP

from the author

Sorry for letting you down as you were obviously expecting a romantic drama.. the story was supposed to be funny.

Language

I assume American English is not your primary language as sentences are missing articles, plurality, etc. Rather stilted language and I missed the humor. Sorry.

a fun story

It's this gifted author's first foray into the delightful subject of motherfucking (he's got some stories about sisterhumping, also a pleasurable topic), and a winner. Not so far-fetched either. Look, boys cross parched deserts and vast seas for the chance to fuck their own mothers, to get their hard young cock up the same warm wet cunt they came out of, so why not cross the time barrier? Plenty of young males have a great big load of creamy semen in their hot young balls labeled "for my Mom," and they'll do anything it takes to deliver that load where it belongs. (Guess where)

garbage

shitty story. go drink bleach.

yeah no.

sorry.

Spelling and grammar issues, storyline is choppy and abrupt, no character development....

.....this piece represents a very short span of time and offers no real movement.
I'd suggest a class, so you have a better understanding of how stories and storytelling work.
While an interesting idea, this was very, very rough....as in draft, not a finished work by any stretch.
In your shoes, I'd consider doing further story development (so I'd actually be telling a story), character development (so readers can relate), and I'd be a little more generous in my dialog, locale descriptions and situational clarity. The more you make things seem familiar and everyday, the more you can get away with....in terms of the impossible...like time travel. To pull that off, you need a device, an exception to one of the standing laws of physics (declaration of a "discovery" by some isolated genius or researcher that offers a "get around" and makes all the connected bits acceptable. Call it the Maharmanaman Isolate after Darhindrarna Maharmanaman, the genius that first postulated the manipulation of space/time and the mechanism whereby it can be accomplished. This discovery and a LOT of engineering allowed us to fold space/time and travel either through time or across vast distances in an instant.
Is this real? Not a bit of it. But you make it so, by making it sound realistic....

See, it takes thought and work to make a story interesting and worthwhile. Your terse declarations left us cold and unconvinced.
Try again, but put some honest effort into it and get editorial help, so it doesn't come off as seeming written by someone too young to be here.
Thank you.

Funny

It says that you are your own father. Lol

Interesting idea

However, the chloroform was not funny. You might have thought would help "speed things along," but it would have been better for him to woo the woman so that she was willing. People reading in this category tend to prefer consent and affection as part of the story; affection and consent give credence to being intimate with someone you are closely related to, making it worth the risk of being publicly discovered.

I was reminded of Heinlein's story, "All You Zombies," (1959) where he is his own mother and father. It's quite a kick, as there is even another surprise at the end.

If the author hasn't read Heinlein's tale, kudos for the idea, but non-consent belongs in a different category, and stories in this section already break one taboo. Non-consent is a legit kink, but the percentage of women who like it isn't very high, and they usually prefer it with someone they trust. That was also missing here. And if she bought the idea that they'd already had sex so it was okay to do it again, she wasn't very bright (that's my opinion, but I'm pretty sure I'm spot on).

"I won't go into details you watched the movies"? Be careful about breaking the fourth wall. From the description, we know it's a time travel story and that might have helped get us to read the story. But don't make us think of films or other stories. It breaks the suspension, by forcing us to stop and recall outside the story, and any momentum you might have had is now gone. Describe the process or don't. You can just say, "It works," and leave it at that.

Thank you for taking the risk to publish, but finding a reader to help you would be a good place to start for your next tale. Or, find someone to help you edit and expand this one. Good luck and keep at it.

It's chlorophyll...NOT chloroform!

But a good read nonetheless. Good effort for someone who wrote it while in the loo.

chlorophyl?

dear anon , you do know chlorophyll is what makes plants green and chloroform is a knockout agent right?

When....

did Literotica start excepting stories from fucktards?

So Very Bad

So bad it's almost funny. But not.

sorry

too childish to be humourous.

I don't think that all the HATE is wrong... BUT

I think your stories are fairly good and I think you should continue writing.

(Anyone else: who are you to say anything when you most likely came to LITEROTICA to "GET OFF")