Nice story, told in an interesting style which probably made it better.
by
Anonymous06/04/16
A perfect fit for the romance category, giving way to the emotions and relationship instead of the overused sex elements. Hope to see more of the like from you in the future!
5*
by
Anonymous06/04/16
Shaking my head
Within the first page, a snide comment about marriage and "plump but pretty." How are you not aware how sexist and offensive that ish is?
about two people who found each other by accident
but
all the side drama was distracting!
8 people, 1 couple and 3 guys who pass 3 women around among themselves
detracted from the main storyline.
3 guys who have expectations for "their" weekend with the girl on offer for the current rotation can be a bit dicey.
If in doubt just ask Tommy.
Trina and her friends all seemed to be suffering from stunted growth
They're past college age but still acting like sophomores on spring break. But it does explain why she was so immediately drawn to Henry. He was probably the first real adult man she had ever met.
by
Anonymous06/19/16
Sobbing?
Why do characters in stories on this site burst into tears at the slightest thing?
Stiff upper lips needed!
"until death do us part, and I was still alive." - Yes, but she's dead, so death has parted you.
"She says you're too old and not very good looking" - Besides being assholes, they over-reached! She MIGHT have said he was too old, but he's obviously good looking!
"Trina hears about her old friends now and again but hasn't seen most of them in some time" - With Joanna dating one of Henry's employees you'd think she would see her occasionally.
A nice romance. Kind of quaint and boiler plate interaction, but a warm story.
Reads like the beginning efforts of a writer with potential. I don't see how they spent that first night in the same bed and he didn't know her last name. It could even be viewed risky, since there were 8 of them and 1 of him. He could easily be set up for a rape charge, blackmail, etc. And based on his business/legal experience, he should have thought to copy the females' driver licenses also. And he charged them no rent?
But that's just logical details. Its still a nice romance and a fun read. Thank you for your time and effort.
three babies and it's ok to let someone else shape the greatest change in their lives???
(IF YOU CAN), it all happens with brain development with children in the first year especially and then the first three years tremendously and then big time in the first five years over all. SO IF YOU fucking can, take care of your own babies UNLESS you CAN NOT or your too messed up to do a good job. maybe anyone could do it better than you...who knows.
by
Anonymous11/18/16
Nice story...
Not sure I would have done the same. A girl who swaps nights with 3 different guys, been doing it that way "for a long time", follows a guy she just met over to another cabin to "talk" and ends up spending the night with him? Although she says she never had intercourse with any of them, you have to admit that's an odd story and her behavior - since he didn't know her at the time - doesn't necessarily encourage belief in her version of that story. She comes across as very promiscuous.
It's not a big deal whether her story is true or not, at least not until he decides to hunt her down. He's a Dad, got a young girl at home and most Dads will be very certain of the type of woman they allow into the house. They would be very careful about who is allowed to make impressions on their daughter and this woman, Trina, when viewing all the evidence he's aware of so far, seems to be a bit loose. So I think to make the story more realistic, you should have shown the Dad being more careful and very deliberate about how and when to expose his daughter to a new woman in his life, especially someone like Trina.
One thing I've noticed in practically all your stories, the "man" (I use the term loosely because of all the sobbing and collapsing they exhibit) AND the woman he eventually ends up with, seem to "love" each other almost immediately. In this story, the protagonist spends one sexless night with a girl and then spends weeks desperately trying to find her again - only to have her show up at his house because she can't get over him either.
The daughter, crying about how she promised Mom to help Dad allow another love into his life, tells Trina, a girl she's never met until now, that her Dad is besotted with her. Then they all have a group hug while sobbing; I guess we're lucky Dad didn't faint or fall out of his chair this time, at least we didn't have to see that. I think a daughter - still missing her Mom - would be very protective of her Father and would view the new girl with no small amount of suspicion until knowing her better.
It's just a bit too much, like you're bored with this part of the story and just want to skip to them being married or something. Too quick for that kind of scene, and in most of your stories like this, it's way too quick. Perhaps it's because most of your stories are like this that I have a problem with it. I could see it happening on very rare occasions, but certainly not every time.
Here's a quick tip: Generally speaking, normal men don't "sob". We tend to hide our emotions for the most part; that's the way we are and there's no amount of Oprah's, feminists, gays, or writers of "self-improvement" books that will ever change it. The only "men" you normally see sobbing are those freaks on youtube wailing about Brittney or some buttercup weeping about the election. Those aren't men; they'll never have the stuff it takes to raise and protect a family.
Still, you're a good writer and I generally enjoy the stories. Keep it up. I'm sure we all appreciate the effort. Thanks.
by
Anonymous12/12/16
Had A...
5 Star until "One possibility is hiring on a full-time nanny." Children should be raised by their PARENTS, not some Slut that's been swapping men for years.
By the way, any woman that tells me shes been sleeping with 4 guys on a rotating basis but never was intimate with them... yeah right, total bullshit.
English
very nice
I liked the story, i think it has potential to be longer and more fleshed out, but awesome work.
Nice story, told in an interesting style which probably made it better.
A perfect fit for the romance category, giving way to the emotions and relationship instead of the overused sex elements. Hope to see more of the like from you in the future!
5*
Shaking my head
Within the first page, a snide comment about marriage and "plump but pretty." How are you not aware how sexist and offensive that ish is?
could hve been a great story
about two people who found each other by accident
but
all the side drama was distracting!
8 people, 1 couple and 3 guys who pass 3 women around among themselves
detracted from the main storyline.
3 guys who have expectations for "their" weekend with the girl on offer for the current rotation can be a bit dicey.
If in doubt just ask Tommy.
Good story
A warm and delightful "feel good" story to read.
Trina and her friends all seemed to be suffering from stunted growth
They're past college age but still acting like sophomores on spring break. But it does explain why she was so immediately drawn to Henry. He was probably the first real adult man she had ever met.
Sobbing?
Why do characters in stories on this site burst into tears at the slightest thing?
Stiff upper lips needed!
Thoughts
"until death do us part, and I was still alive." - Yes, but she's dead, so death has parted you.
"She says you're too old and not very good looking" - Besides being assholes, they over-reached! She MIGHT have said he was too old, but he's obviously good looking!
"Trina hears about her old friends now and again but hasn't seen most of them in some time" - With Joanna dating one of Henry's employees you'd think she would see her occasionally.
Lovely story
At last, one romance story, with feelings, love and without explicit sex!
Is really true romance.
I liked, believe me.
Good job!
5
Yup good tale, positive plotline. Keep em coming
NO NANNYS!
Babies need their Mommy!!!
A nice romance. Kind of quaint and boiler plate interaction, but a warm story.
Reads like the beginning efforts of a writer with potential. I don't see how they spent that first night in the same bed and he didn't know her last name. It could even be viewed risky, since there were 8 of them and 1 of him. He could easily be set up for a rape charge, blackmail, etc. And based on his business/legal experience, he should have thought to copy the females' driver licenses also. And he charged them no rent?
But that's just logical details. Its still a nice romance and a fun read. Thank you for your time and effort.
three babies and it's ok to let someone else shape the greatest change in their lives???
(IF YOU CAN), it all happens with brain development with children in the first year especially and then the first three years tremendously and then big time in the first five years over all. SO IF YOU fucking can, take care of your own babies UNLESS you CAN NOT or your too messed up to do a good job. maybe anyone could do it better than you...who knows.
Nice story...
Not sure I would have done the same. A girl who swaps nights with 3 different guys, been doing it that way "for a long time", follows a guy she just met over to another cabin to "talk" and ends up spending the night with him? Although she says she never had intercourse with any of them, you have to admit that's an odd story and her behavior - since he didn't know her at the time - doesn't necessarily encourage belief in her version of that story. She comes across as very promiscuous.
It's not a big deal whether her story is true or not, at least not until he decides to hunt her down. He's a Dad, got a young girl at home and most Dads will be very certain of the type of woman they allow into the house. They would be very careful about who is allowed to make impressions on their daughter and this woman, Trina, when viewing all the evidence he's aware of so far, seems to be a bit loose. So I think to make the story more realistic, you should have shown the Dad being more careful and very deliberate about how and when to expose his daughter to a new woman in his life, especially someone like Trina.
One thing I've noticed in practically all your stories, the "man" (I use the term loosely because of all the sobbing and collapsing they exhibit) AND the woman he eventually ends up with, seem to "love" each other almost immediately. In this story, the protagonist spends one sexless night with a girl and then spends weeks desperately trying to find her again - only to have her show up at his house because she can't get over him either.
The daughter, crying about how she promised Mom to help Dad allow another love into his life, tells Trina, a girl she's never met until now, that her Dad is besotted with her. Then they all have a group hug while sobbing; I guess we're lucky Dad didn't faint or fall out of his chair this time, at least we didn't have to see that. I think a daughter - still missing her Mom - would be very protective of her Father and would view the new girl with no small amount of suspicion until knowing her better.
It's just a bit too much, like you're bored with this part of the story and just want to skip to them being married or something. Too quick for that kind of scene, and in most of your stories like this, it's way too quick. Perhaps it's because most of your stories are like this that I have a problem with it. I could see it happening on very rare occasions, but certainly not every time.
Here's a quick tip: Generally speaking, normal men don't "sob". We tend to hide our emotions for the most part; that's the way we are and there's no amount of Oprah's, feminists, gays, or writers of "self-improvement" books that will ever change it. The only "men" you normally see sobbing are those freaks on youtube wailing about Brittney or some buttercup weeping about the election. Those aren't men; they'll never have the stuff it takes to raise and protect a family.
Still, you're a good writer and I generally enjoy the stories. Keep it up. I'm sure we all appreciate the effort. Thanks.
Had A...
5 Star until "One possibility is hiring on a full-time nanny." Children should be raised by their PARENTS, not some Slut that's been swapping men for years.
By the way, any woman that tells me shes been sleeping with 4 guys on a rotating basis but never was intimate with them... yeah right, total bullshit.
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