The "Wedding" Pt. 01

synopsis

is it synopsis of big story or this is whole story

We've entered this story just as hard as that plane crashed, no wonder it feels like 90% of the setting and build-up is missing. Hopefully the upcoming chapter(s) fix that.

story !

no story line as such , very poor ....

Please not another

Yes, yet another tank top, please writers much as I appreciate all of your efforts, no more tank tops, they have been done to death!

Rushed and rubbishy

Why are newbie's so eager to get to the sex? There's no points system for posting as fast as possible, why didn't you take your time and develop a back-story before jumping into the sex? Her tits made you hard, you rubbed one out, she saw you and rubbed one out, the following day you get wrecked so decide to fuck? Oh please, spare us any further agony until you learn how to tell a story at a proper pace.

Brevity was fine

but you need an editor.

Others anonymous are dicks

Don't mind the assholes saying your story is too abrupt. IMO, the pacing is just fine; it's a sex fantasy not a 300 pages fanfic. A lot of writers here think that by adding a lot of fluff around the sex parts, it makes the story better, especially in incest stories. Not everybody are thinking like that, thanks god. Please continue your story, you made a fine job !

Nice

This has some real potential as a series. I personally like stories that go more than one page per episode, but that is just me. Only one small comment: Coat=hanger Airplane=hangar. I'm a commercial rated pilot, so shoot me!

I, personally, think this story has a lot of potential...

If I could rate this, it would be 5 stars all the way. You need to get part 2 out ASAP. Thanks for the great story, and keep up the good work. ;)

Great story

I think this is a great story. I could see why some people would want it to be longer, this chapter was less then half a page, but overall was a great start for a series. I agree there is a lot of potential for where this story goes and I am looking forward to reading more chapters in the future. The only drawback I see with the story is you didn't have voting turned on so I could not give you the 5 stars that i wanted to. Please have voting available in future chapters.

Thank you

I do have part 2 written but I'm looking things over based on feed back given. It'll be a couple of days probably before I get it submitted and for it to be posted. This was my first effort and I do thank people for the constructive feedback :)

the wedding !

Very well done for a short story.....please continue this....
thank you.....

Good Start.

Only criticism it's far too short, normally I never read chapter 2 in these types of stories because the author repeats the 1 page at a time scenario. I'll make an exception this time.

Published the 9th of June

Today is the 24th.

For one page "chapters" you've already taken too long. WAY too long.

come on please

keep going now you have started this story. Lots of yummy adventure to be had yet.