More then what I Thought

more

Great..loved it2

I gave you a score which reflects the effort you put into this story.

Five Words.

Your title is five words and you couldn't be bothered to proof read it. Why would I waste my time reading anything else you have written?

Pleas learn the difference between THEN and THAN

When you know the difference between "then" and "than", then your writing will improve and then, I will enjoy I will enjoy your stories more than I I did this one.

friendly advice

Have this taken down and put it a corrected version with the "Than" instead of the "Then" in the title because you will continue to get bashed over this. It's just a mistake but people like to jump on things like that and many will not even bother reading because they suspect the story will be error riddled as well.

no

Then vs than, as others have pointed out. More in the body, too. Ans instead of and.

Don't feel bad. We haven't seen good work in a while. But allow someone else to proof it.

Proof-read, then proof-read again, then get someone else to do it as well

Slapdash and poorly expressed, rushed, and too eager. As someone else pointed out, if you can't even get your title right, why should I assume the text is any better? You will learn, no doubt, and everyone has to start somewhere, so I suppose you should consider this the piece that gets slammed so you learn something from it.

Decent start

Ok, good basis for story. I read some of the comments and a couple are noteworthy. So I won't repeat it. Ignore the negative comments, those will do you no good. Find comments that help and encourage.

Yes, there are some grammar / spelling mistakes but the main theme of your story got through and is a good start. It would be great to now know what turns Aunt Delia on ?? I think auntie can teach her how to play better and they can practice :) Thanks.

I gave it a five!

It's not an epic to be sure, but I thought it was a great read!

In fact, there was more than enough interesting elements here to warrant PRAISE.

So, to all you 'anonymous' posters who don't have the temerity to identify yourselves as you denigrate someone else's work that they have offered to us? Shaddup!

I encourage the author to continue exploring and continue writing, because this invoked some latent feelings that I would love to read more of in the future.

Looking forward to reading more from you in the future!

1

Get an editor (not sds195).