Brother and Sister Find a Way

Not bad but needs work

Congrats on your first submission to LE!

The story in itself was short and to the point and as such wasn't all that bad, but a lot can be done to make it really great. Adding backstory builds the string and gives you creative space to establish your story; dialogue adds personality to characters and flashes out what drives them to do the things the do; adding a bit of description to physical appearance so we have an easier way seeing them as they are (here you already made a great start in creating not-so-perfect looking characters); sex while not the main drive force could use some spicing up in form of elaboration and not just the description of mechanical act itself; and final adding internal turmoil and the though process is pivotal in such stories.

As sated above I actually really liked this one and for that I give you a well deserved 4*, take them both as a reward and as encouragement for further work you'll publish here.

A very good start. Keep it going.

Good story

Waiting for next chapter. Thanks

Your story shows promise.

I will add a few thoughts to what others have already said---all of which I agree with.

As another commentator has said, it's just a start. There's much more that these two could, and should, get themselves up to in sequels. So you should keep writing. (Even if this story weren't unfinished, you should keep writing.)

Your writing is grammatically correct for the most part, and that's saying a lot on this site. But you have a tendency to use big words where short ones would be better and more direct. (Good writers *use* words; they don't *exhibit* them.)

Sometimes, in your effort to show off your vocabulary, you even use inappropriate words. For example, "own maternal heritage" would be better than "own matriarchal lineage", and "mothers" would be better yet: "...they favored their mothers." Her boobs can't "proceed" her "gait", though they may *precede" the rest of her as she walks. (Look those words up; look words up as you write whenever there's even a shadow of a doubt in your mind about what they mean. On-line dictionaries make this too easy for you to overlook it.) And "periodontal" is just wrong---it's unneeded and much too high falutin. Your goal in using words should be to say what needs to be said without calling attention to yourself *or your words themselves.* And "jello-like bosom"? Maybe some men would like to fondle jello, but I prefer tits that are a little warmer, a little firmer, and a lot less sticky!

I'm not sure why you made them *half*-siblings. That doesn't seem to be essential to the story, and so suggests that you're uncomfortable with full, instead of half, incest. If so, then maybe you should write in a different genre. (But you're, umm, *half*way there; at least you didn't use the *step*sibling dodge!)

I'll expand on my agreement with a previous commentator about the importance of dialogue. You have just one direct quotation in your story, and that's far too few. If you want your characters to capture readers' imaginations, *they must talk*. Try to tell as much of your story as possible through their dialogue.

And don't just tell us what they do! Show us how it makes them *feel*.

Four stars.

--CarlusMagnus

There are some great stories on this site.

This is not one of them.

Pretty good

Sometimes circumstances cause events to unfold that otherwise might not have.

The night after our parents died, my younger sister and I made passionate love. Neither of us regret it, but we also vowed it was in the moment and would never be repeated. It hasn't.

error

Most 5ft 3inch women who weigh 180 pounds would not be called stacked they would be called obese, no matter how nice their boobs. Use common sense when writing.

There are some rough spots BUT your story is still arousing and a good start about how a sister and brother cope with their loss. In the next chapter; it would be nice if they woke, talked softly, cuddled each other and played with each other some. They both have many choices about sexual events now and should make love this time before they pound each other senseless after that, etc. You have the opportunity to make this story Hot and greater with many sex escapades. Thanks.