A tender terrific story marred by the inappropriate dialogue.
Better to keep it in her mind rather than vocalised.
Instead of
"That's it babygirl. That's it. Cum for me. Cum all over daddy's dick." maybe you should say,
I can hear your silent words in my mind "That's it babygirl. Cum all over daddy's dick."
And I do. Oh I do.
We are so in tune I can hear it in your voice (mind is better.) I can feel it. The tension. The build up. You're close. Daddy's getting close.
There is no need for me to speak. I know you can hear me inside your head. "Please cum in me daddy. Pretty please. Please cum deep inside me." So close. So close. "God I want it. I need it. Please. Please give it to me."
And I feel your love pouring out of you and into me, filling me, flooding me, soaking me, completing me. Making me yours forever. Making you mine forever. Making us one forever.
"Yeah. Take daddy's cum, baby. Take every fucking drop."
This last sentence is too crude. It spoils the tenderness.
by
Anonymous06/13/16
****
Anonymous above is full of prunes. It was fine as is. You did toy with us for a while by not naming the object of her desire and that was annoying but you did get around to it.
English
Dialogue doesn't fit
A tender terrific story marred by the inappropriate dialogue.
Better to keep it in her mind rather than vocalised.
Instead of
"That's it babygirl. That's it. Cum for me. Cum all over daddy's dick." maybe you should say,
I can hear your silent words in my mind "That's it babygirl. Cum all over daddy's dick."
And I do. Oh I do.
We are so in tune I can hear it in your voice (mind is better.) I can feel it. The tension. The build up. You're close. Daddy's getting close.
There is no need for me to speak. I know you can hear me inside your head. "Please cum in me daddy. Pretty please. Please cum deep inside me." So close. So close. "God I want it. I need it. Please. Please give it to me."
And I feel your love pouring out of you and into me, filling me, flooding me, soaking me, completing me. Making me yours forever. Making you mine forever. Making us one forever.
"Yeah. Take daddy's cum, baby. Take every fucking drop."
This last sentence is too crude. It spoils the tenderness.
****
Anonymous above is full of prunes. It was fine as is. You did toy with us for a while by not naming the object of her desire and that was annoying but you did get around to it.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Where I'm Meant To Be or
More submissions by warrior_freya.