I saw it was your first story, but you will have to do better than this if you hope to have people reading your stuff. Your use of tenses needs attention and the writing is awfully flat.
Hey Sunnbeam don't take the anonymous comments to heart. They are posted by people who don't have enough gut's to write their name let alone a story. I liked your story and I could see your characters. It was a good enough story that I could share the expierience. Thanks.
Oh yeah, just blow off the anonymous idiots, I do.
Welcome to Lit. Your story had a lot of energy, felt believable (who knows-maybe it was) and was a fun, fast read. Yes it has a few gliches, but a lot fewer than most first time efforts. Keep up the good work.
English
Please find an editor
I saw it was your first story, but you will have to do better than this if you hope to have people reading your stuff. Your use of tenses needs attention and the writing is awfully flat.
Anonymous idiots
Hey Sunnbeam don't take the anonymous comments to heart. They are posted by people who don't have enough gut's to write their name let alone a story. I liked your story and I could see your characters. It was a good enough story that I could share the expierience. Thanks.
Oh yeah, just blow off the anonymous idiots, I do.
Hot Fun
A drunken girl and 15 marines! It has its rough spots, but I really liked your enthusiasm and try-anything attitude. It was simple and sweet.
Good first effort, sunnbeam
Welcome to Lit. Your story had a lot of energy, felt believable (who knows-maybe it was) and was a fun, fast read. Yes it has a few gliches, but a lot fewer than most first time efforts. Keep up the good work.
Rumple Foreskin
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to The Marine or
More submissions by sunnbeam.