The Party

another sucide attempt

wtf is wanting wanting to die?

Disconcerting

Too many rapid POV changes, too many temporal shifts, and the story was too long. It's also been done multiple times, even a couple with identical setups (minus the suicide).

The composition of this story is the equivalent of taking a serviceable cut of steak, such as a top sirloin, jabbing it to death with a bladed tenderizer, then boiling it in a saucepan. It's still meat, but no one will want to eat it unless they are literally starving. 2 stars.

Too many grammar errors, too many words missing in sentences, too many changes in POV. Too long.

I Don't Care

I don't care about the lack of editing or proof reading. The plot is decent, the suspense holds the reader affixed all the way to the end. The thought that occurred to me after reading this is that while God was mentioned in this story, there is little love of God. There is a dependence on romantic love and there is a sense of honor in both the husband and the wife. The only trouble is that neither of them have anything bigger than themselves to live for. What is wrong with that?: That makes them weak, it makes them vulnerable to any threat the world has to offer and the world has plenty of threats. Both of them could do with some spiritual growth to make them stronger and more resilient. Still, they have more than most people do! 5

Phew!

Very touching, felt the tension. thanks.

Good plot, to many rapid POV changes and the ending seemed kinda forced and abrupt for how badly the marriage had gone off the rails. The distance they had isn't bridged by a "i'm sorry" and an "I love you."

one of the better stories on here. i can see how he would feel about what she thought of him and how it affected him. to spend all of his life being with her and then to find out she thinks he is running around on her. that takes a toll on a person. also for her to think that is going on u got to remember her hormones were out of balance and that will mess up your mind in so many ways. glad they were able to fix things in the end.

Those who can't write criticize.

This is a good story and is well written. If you want a perfect book read Hemmingway. Four stars.

Great

That's all that needs to be said, GREAT!

Good Story

This is the type of story i enjoy writing and reading. Tough, with lots of emotion, forgiveness. Love throughout. Now, having said all that.........does the story belong in the Loving Wives section? I think not, no sex in the story for a start. No cheating or lying or betrayal of any sort. I think the story belongs in the Romance section.

Beware of the pit vipers who will rip you apart for no sex, bad grammar, etc. I am one of the friendly ones though and i did like your story. 5*

I liked it very much...

I liked it very much...The drama flowing all through it...all family and friends involved...But I have just a small question: All their friends were invited by then to the surprise party, and all were contacted by Rachel, why did that particular friend of hers think her husband was cheating? Didn't she be invited? 4*

The wife screwed up.

After a loving long term relationship your wife takes the story of you having an secluded meal with a strange younger female and assumes the wrong thing. No talking to you or trying to find out what is going on, just lighting the fire to destroy a loving relationship. Have I got it right so far? The wife better make things right, when she "assumed" she definitely made an Ass out of herself.

When I rated this story, I over looked

a multitude of grammatical errors, the introduction of your personal politics, and even the fact that there was no drama in the story. Due to the fact that Michael was involved in the dialogue, we all knew that he wasn't going to kill himself. Still, the story line and the way you presented it was fantastic. 5*

Good Read

Basically I saw the whole story the moment the party planner was introduced.
To me the misunderstanding might have been in a Shakesperian play. The question being whether it would be a comedy or tragedy?

Very good story

Interesting turn of events that I don't remember ever reading about before. Well formed plot and great ending, all marks of a great story
Thanks for sharing your effort with us.

Tedious

I thought I'd never get through the Ping-Pong game of the incessant name change. Why not just write it in the third person and it will go smoothly rather than keeping it in the first person through two different people's eyes. So, you might ask why did I stay with it? I skimmed and don't think I missed a thing. I gave it 2* and that was generous. The only mystery to me is all those comments about what a great story it was. What are they smoking?

Great Story

Excellent content begs for tweaking from an editor to address grammar, spelling & punctuation deficiencies. It would make your stories so much better.

I loved it!

Simple communication, or lack thereof can really screw things up!

Loved It

I thought the whiplash change between points of view was a little tough to follow but I love the story and the content. I personally think that a tale like this fits in with the loving wives theme as well as Swapping, BTB, cuckholding or whatever you want to put in it. I personally prefer stories that have a happy ending of some sort and I think this one was great!

Thanks for sharing!

Ahaz

Grammar Nazi

"... to keep Michael and I hydrated."
OR
"... to keep Michael and me hydrated,"
{The original was "... to keep Michael and I together." BUT the 'together' means it would make no sense if you drop out 'Michael and'}
SO, dropping out 'Michael and' in the 'hydrated' version leaves us with the following choices:
"... to keep I hydrated."
OR
"... to keep me hydrated."
Hopefully, the 'I' version sounds weird and the 'me' sounds right! So that is the way you and I fix THAT problem. (... the way I fix that problem ... and you should, too!)

NEXT:
"Please WAVE at the agent who WAIVED your parking fee!"

FINALLY - Please read the LIT description of the Loving Wives category! This does NOT fit! Thoughtless Wives are not necessarily adventurous!!! Mature might be best!

3* Obvious to several of us We-The-Readers that it was going to be a big misunderstanding about the party-planner! The potential suicide DID ramp up the anxiety level a bit [but a story which ends in the middle of a word in the middle of a sentence will garner (and deserve) a 'Poor Ending' grinch!]

The sterotypical.....

.... "I was sleeping on couch!" leaves me absolutely cold. I slept on the couch for 8 or 10 days when the little woman was pg and had the pukes so bad it truly hurt her to have someone else rockin' the bed... but I would have kicked in a door, and she knew it, if she'd tried to keep me out of my bed for some imagined transgression! NO effing way, guys who are faultless and STILL let her 'throw them out' are nitwits without ONE hair on their asses!
Back and forth, back and forth... POV change can be positive if done with discrimination... this badminton shit's got to go, lol!
Foreshadowing so heavy the rest of the story was spelled out in flood lights! Jeez, can you telegraph a plot-line any more thoroughly?
Suicide? Really? Over a miserable bitch who's not only been treating you like shit for months, but shuts the sex tap off, and THEN files, without a word? Good Fuckin' Riddance! Set up house at the cabin and bar the damned door.. when the fools show up, give them one opportunity to take the fuck off, then a couple flesh wounds to convince them that you're serious, ha ha ha!
Sorry, I try not to be negative, as I'm not a writer, but... c'mon, eh?

Hated it

Can't put my finger on it, but I really didn't !Ike this.

Never

The insults and degradation heaped on the husband are too great to forgive.

a man of his word

If it wasn't for that 'for better or worse, in sickness and health' promise.
If not for giving his word to that she's a prime candidate for the curb.

I'm torn on this one

Having a wife who is going to turn 50 later this year, and being Pre-M. I've been dealing with some of these issues, but if she files divorce papers on me without any discussion, I'm granting her wish. To hell with the adult children and imbalences, she made her choice. I think he let her off too easy. ***

Two Major comments

1) On grammar: How many angels are there on the head of a pin?
(do you even understand what the point that I am making?)
2) All people are weak, are human, and are not rational. Suicide? I'm past 60. how many times have I thought about that in my marriage? Get fucking real. This was a slice of life. It may mot be your life, it may be my life at some dark times, but it is real life. Kids, grandkids, wife that is a pain in the ass.. Devotion to family..I was not able to not read the completion of the story, even with the telegraphng of the end. It ain't erotic, its god damn real.

Interesting, how important clear communication is

and this is another example.

Ok story

A bit repetitive and consequently tedious but a fair read despite grammatical and other errors. Three stars, thanks for writing.

good idea

cute story
but I am one of the grammar critics and it does matter.

@sugna Re: "I Don't Care"

They should have faith in just WHAT thing "bigger than themselves"?

The all-powerful "loving" god (small 'g' intentional!) who sits on his hands while millions are killed in genocides, who raises HIS "son" from the dead, but couldn't be bothered to lift his little finger to strike down Hitler and others like him?

If THAT is what you want us to have faith in, then I say, "No, thank you!", and if that condemns me to the fires of Hell then so be it!

Whatever god is "up there" is no better than a Mafia godfather, who can be loving and forgiving to those he likes one minute, and then turn and order the cold-blooded execution of others the next!

POV and Time Shifts

I didn't mind the POV shifts, as they were clearly labeled, and there really weren't time shifts in the sense of suddenly going back to when they were dating or whatever, just occasionally replaying events from the new POV.

Thoughts

Of course it never occurred to her that he forgot the date of her birthday because she was being so miserable?

As some else said, Rachel handled the invitations, wasn't Beverly invited?

And as someone else said, I wouldn't leave MY bedroom without an explanation! Let HER sleep in the living room if she can'y bear to share a bed with me!

"When Beverly told me what she saw and she showed me a picture of the happy couple, I was done" - What did she see? Them having dinner? Did she see them walking arm-in-arm to the elevators? No. Did she walk over to say hi, and ask who his dinner partner was? Did his wife ask him who he had dinner with? No.

"My husband would have nothing left after I was done with him." - Um, what happened to no-fault divorce that enables cheating WIVES to benefit from THEIR cheating? Given that, I wouldn't expect him to benefit, but I wouldn't expect him to have NOTHING either!

Editing! "I seen light turn on" -"I seen"???; "chase lounge" - S/B chaise lounge; "when he wake up" - WOKE!; "My daughters wasn't too sure" - WEREN'T!; "and seen my daughters watching me." - Again, "seen"? "and SAW my daughters.."; "I do believe I could live here with and never regret a day, but only if it is with you." - Either drop the first "with" or add "you" to it.

"I worry that he will get tired of me and take up with some young big boob slut" - First, if you love him NEARLY as much as you claim, you should trust him more! Second, you mentioned that HE works out regularly; did it ever occur to you to also work out, maybe even join him?

"I love my husband but just don't feel like having sex with him as often as he wants." - Maybe like all those "Loving Wives" who believe that because women CAN have sex more than men that they should be allowed to have lovers, maybe she should let him play! Just Kidding!

"being found doing stupid with a weapon." - This should either be "doing stupid things" or "being stupid".

"Everyone was quiet afraid to say something wrong" - Needs a comma between "quiet" and "afraid".

Why?

I'll never understand why so many people don't see a doctor when problems first develop. Hormone and sexual desire changes with menopause are well known, so why wouldn't a woman see her doctor when it starts? Why wouldn't a husband insist his wife see the doctor if she suddenly started having physical and emotional changes? I know that people can be stupid but you would think that someone would kick their ass and try to get them to see the light of day.

@ sbrooks103x 06/21/16

re:
"Everyone was quiet afraid to say something wrong" - Needs a comma between "quiet" and "afraid".

That ^ or it could be either 'quiet and afraid' or 'quite afraid'.

grammar

Grammar is the difference between:

Knowing your shit.

And

Knowing you're shit.

Is this school or a story site?

This is a very good story which I enjoyed very much. There are many stories on this website that are not a quarter as good as yours but, Grammer is important but, is not everything. The bully's have nothing better to do than worry about grammar and not the quality of the content of the a good story. You did a great job of putting your ideas in print.
The other stuff will gets better as you continue to grow. Yes grammar is important but not more important than good content. Don't worry about the bullys they're everywhere.
You have the spirit to put yourself out here for all to see your work don't let anyone stop you.
Oh by the way if they don't like the story they could stop reading.
Why grade such a story for only grammar suggestions and no other suggestions. Sounds like a bully to me or politician, people who don't have any ideas but always says no to anyone else's.

To a bully

If you are sensitive to the way people respond to your self proclaimed assholeness.

Maybe you misunderstand why they call you that name.

The stand you think you're on people don't understand or don't care.
A self filter should be employed.

Everyone does not want to be given the negativity for negativities sake.
Thank You very much.

glad i found this; comfort food for literotica fans. thanks!

Good

Great story. Finally something worth reading leaving a person feeling happy. And two crows is an asshole. What a prick. He is a loser. Sounds like an old English teacher

I will not criticize grammar. I think that is cheap.

This is a free story and not everyone knows all the damn grammar rules.

You can have creativity and writing talent like this author does and still not know all the fucking tenses and when a comma is redundant and all that shit.

This is a very good story about jumping to conclusions as well as all too real hormone imbalance that almost always comes with menopause which if you guys that are married do not prepare for, you are gonna be in a world of shit.

It takes love and patience and a rememberance of your vows to get thru, but it will work out even if it takes medication.

Now for what I hope the author takes constructively.

It was very hard to handle all the name change/pov change. It was distracting and offputting. Half of them would be a good start.

Good Stuff!

Nicely done and a reminder that jumping to conclusions and acting in haste can have terrible consequences!
(Also maybe a message here that keeping guns around may not be the best idea.)

Crap

Why don't you actually have the courage to follow through on your beginning rather than going for a weak ass reconciliation? Have him blow his head off and then try to deal with the effects on the family. This is simply version 6.653 of the same crappy story where a wife leaps to an absurd conclusion based on the flimsiest evidence, never talks to her husband, and reacts in shock and horror at her mistake. Everything is wonderful after things are clarified. No repercussions between husband and wife and family. Pathetic and lazy.

What?????

This author had the nerve to say this wasn't RAAC!!!! Hell he even had the poor guy apologize to the bitch who caused the whole problem..... Wife got off way too easy, husband should have just shot her worthless ass....

He Left?

Why is it that when so many people leave a marriage, etc..., that they seem to go where they can be found even when they don't want to be found? Stupid, huh? If your leaving, then go someplace that you will most likely NOT be found.

vile .. just hideous - and the Husband ACTUALLY apologizes?

wow this is awful.

ITS HER PARTY AND SHE CAN CRY

because the fault line was all hers TK U MLJ LV NV

***

Not bad but the continual bouncing back and forth between people gave me a headache.

1*

He's a friggin pussy.