All Comments on 'Backdoor Sweetheart Ch. 05'

1) Go back through when you're editing the story and remove half of the adjectives. Seriously, you probably use two to three adjectives per noun throughout the story. Occasionally, it's fine, but when you do it so frequently, you end up being needlessly wordy and quite often repetitive.

2) Get rid of the term "almost-sister." At this point in the story, it doesn't make any sense as a descriptor and is just an awkward, incestuous term that doesn't really fit the context of the story anymore.

Trying to give an author writing advice is like trying to get someone to change political parties, but here goes.

A) Dialog

A lot of your dialog sounds unnatural. A lot of authors will use language that's too lengthy or proper, mostly because that's how we're forced to write assignments in school, and it just becomes the way we type.

But real humans speak as quickly as possible.

"Hi," or "hey," instead of "hello"

"Did you start cooking the lasagna like you said you would"

"I have not yet"

vs

"Did you start dinner?"

"Not yet."

Another thing to remember is that people always speak using contractions.

"But they would have made a great couple, I agree."

"Yeah, they'd've made a great couple"

Just saying the two aloud, it's clear how one sounds more 'natural' and flows better.

You have a tendency of using the lengthier version of things instead of the shorter.

All this is an easy fix, just practice saying your dialog aloud to see if it's something you, or someone you know would say.

B) Descriptions

Tone them down. When you're writing, you'll feel like adding more adjectives and descriptors makes the imagery more vivid.

When you're reading, slogging through three adjectives per noun is a chore, and the writing starts to feel like you can skip lines, or whole paragraphs, and not miss anything important.

Every paragraph should be important. If I could copy and paste your story into a word processor, delete every third paragraph, and still be able to understand whats going on in the scene, then there's too much repetition in your writing.

I hope you don't take any of this the wrong way. A lot of authors treat criticism as some sort of personal attack. Sorry if you take it that way.

I love this story, & all your writings. I hope you keep adding chapters to this, with as many adjectives as you want!

I read a few of the comments ..... Well each to their own ... I loved the series as much as I love fucking my womans butt ... keep up the good work ...

write more and you will get better and better

Regards

Kezzo

Indeed. Your use of adjectives, adverbs, and the many ways you embellish and delightfully emphasize your descriptions is one of my favorite things about your stories and writing style. You paint a picture with words, and you add sensurround for good measure. That's exactly what you want in a sexy story, as far as I'm concerned. Well done!

I love your storytelling and I hope you revisit these characters soon!

Sooooo sweet! I love how intimate and loving they are, even when having anal sex.

I have no idea why anyone would *ever* want someone they care about even slightly to do a2m for them. "I love you so much I want you to get a really nasty infection" ??? Come on.

You are an excellent writer, but this story is somewhat repetitive. Needs a little drama. Does she decide to spread her wings during the school year? What about her prom?

Your stories consistently get me wet and make me cum like crazy. Well done ;)

Great series, well written, and good to 'read'! Maybe Russ could have helped her out by eating the cream pies he made?

While the author had a good story line and refreshingly well developed characters, the stories sex scenes got very repetitive to the point of distraction. Additionally, the reader can see the author struggling to say the same thing over and over again but in a different way, with different words.

The sentences covering the sex acts was literally cluttered with descriptives and became redundant.

These made it hard to stick with the story to the end. It didn’t carry the reader away, it beat the same sex act to death. By the time the 4th chapter was starting, there was nothing left to cover in a new way.

This reviewer is no fan of anal, but this is nevertheless a wonderful romantic series, with memorable characters. Certainly one could quibble about the over use of certain adjectives and adverbs, but overall, the story is very well-written. The love scenes are excellent, and never become boring or repetitive. They really add depth to the story and help advance the plot in a marvelous way.

loved it, i think...