Interesting story... good writing for a first submission (admittedly I'm not one of the grammar police). Engaging plot however I don't like the idea the main C might be losing his mind. Thinking perhaps Vi maybe pushed Jessie off that cliff (convenient she was with her when it happened). Also with parents dead it limits the incest to Violet unless other family members are being introduced later. As for Jessie if she is a slut then our guy should ditch the bitch! Look forward to next chapter. Don't be a one hit wonder p.s. Sex in next chapter yeah?
This first chapter was sort of an introduction to the core characters, and forms just the basis for the plot - glad that you think he's losing his mind, thats what he thinks too ;)
- I've been on this site for quite a while and was a bit tired of figuring out how the story is going end after I read the first page so I tried my hand at something intriguing, something that keeps you on your feet and makes you think. The crux of why we read these stories are pretty obvious but I wanted an engaging read... Oh and yeah, definitely going to be sex in the next chapter, it wouldn't be fun if there wasn't now would it.
I like where this story is going. I know it's only one chapter I feel there is alot more to come especially between johnny and jessie as well as johnny and viloet. I look forward to the next chapters
by
Anonymous06/28/16
hmmm
I have no idea what is coming, correct.
I'm not sure I want to. This is very messy, not smooth at all.
Not bad at all, especially for a first submission. I can't wait to read a ch. 2. I really dug this first chapter, I was on the edge of my seat by the time it ended. And that cliffhanger has me wanting more. So keep up the good work.
by
Anonymous06/29/16
Nothing Wrong With A Spot Of Intrigue...
Keep it coming.
by
Anonymous07/07/16
Waiting, waiting...
...though don't hurry and fuck it up. Happy to wait until you've got it all "just right".
But hanging out to learn more about the Mr Johnson/Mrs Lethe deal. (A small tear in the fabric of time?)
Sent Chapter 2 in last night! So it should be up later today or early tomorrow... and as for the rip in time thing, you're aren't wrong but not entirely right... God I'm beginning to mind fuck myself :) hopefully chapter 2 will answer your questions, granted you will have even more by the end of it.
English
Heh?
Yikes, this seems to be a mess
Hmmm...
Interesting story... good writing for a first submission (admittedly I'm not one of the grammar police). Engaging plot however I don't like the idea the main C might be losing his mind. Thinking perhaps Vi maybe pushed Jessie off that cliff (convenient she was with her when it happened). Also with parents dead it limits the incest to Violet unless other family members are being introduced later. As for Jessie if she is a slut then our guy should ditch the bitch! Look forward to next chapter. Don't be a one hit wonder p.s. Sex in next chapter yeah?
You guys have no idea what is coming!
This first chapter was sort of an introduction to the core characters, and forms just the basis for the plot - glad that you think he's losing his mind, thats what he thinks too ;)
- I've been on this site for quite a while and was a bit tired of figuring out how the story is going end after I read the first page so I tried my hand at something intriguing, something that keeps you on your feet and makes you think. The crux of why we read these stories are pretty obvious but I wanted an engaging read... Oh and yeah, definitely going to be sex in the next chapter, it wouldn't be fun if there wasn't now would it.
Love this new story
I like where this story is going. I know it's only one chapter I feel there is alot more to come especially between johnny and jessie as well as johnny and viloet. I look forward to the next chapters
hmmm
I have no idea what is coming, correct.
I'm not sure I want to. This is very messy, not smooth at all.
Hunh?
I have no clue what is going on. I think I'll pass on this one.
I like it.
Not bad at all, especially for a first submission. I can't wait to read a ch. 2. I really dug this first chapter, I was on the edge of my seat by the time it ended. And that cliffhanger has me wanting more. So keep up the good work.
Nothing Wrong With A Spot Of Intrigue...
Keep it coming.
Waiting, waiting...
...though don't hurry and fuck it up. Happy to wait until you've got it all "just right".
But hanging out to learn more about the Mr Johnson/Mrs Lethe deal. (A small tear in the fabric of time?)
its about time
Sent Chapter 2 in last night! So it should be up later today or early tomorrow... and as for the rip in time thing, you're aren't wrong but not entirely right... God I'm beginning to mind fuck myself :) hopefully chapter 2 will answer your questions, granted you will have even more by the end of it.
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