Most of the other comments are right on, so I won't repeat them. Will add you really need to work on writing craft. Ex. Always start proper name in caps. Several places you wrote father's name in all lower case.
Good luck & keep writing!
by
Anonymous07/02/16
so fucking bad
Id bet on you wanking at least 10 times a day.
by
Anonymous07/02/16
Err- Pal
Yeah- Don't write stories about underage kids basically getting raped by their dad's.
Also, practise writing and fully edit before you post...
Nicely erotic first story.
To answer the anonymous commentator who termed it rape by the Daddy, I was not rape in any respect. The daughter wanted sex with her Daddy......and got it. A nice story. Worth a sequel
by
Anonymous07/02/16
It clearly says
It clearly says in the fourth paragraph "recently turned 18." People really do cry about everything on here.
Story is a lot of fun. AND IT'S A STORY, PEOPLE. Jeez.
by
Anonymous07/31/16
It's a God damn story
Stop hating on this story
A:it said in the story she recently turned 18
B: she wasn't getting raped she stated that because her dad was hardly around she had the sexual mentality of a little girl.
C: if you disn't like it why the he'll did you click on the damn story in the first place?
by
Anonymous09/22/16
ugh
Yes,it's FICTION. I get that. But this character was so stupidly written she sounded like a 10 year old. ANY "recently turned 18" year old has a decent grasp of what sex is,even if they haven't had it. 1 star.
by
Anonymous11/28/16
Good start
Unlike some other comments I thought the basic story was pretty good. It's a fictional story so I don't get all the child rape references. I would add that your story could use much better proof reading. Spelling and grammar was poor and you had the daddy pull down panties with his teeth at one point and later remove the pajama pants. Clean up the writing but I really enjoyed the premise of the story.
English
nice
continue
good story line but very poorly written.
A 1 for effort
1
Along with your ESL class, take a class in how to write a story.
No more pedophile rape stories.
Keep it going. Need her to get pregnant
OK for first story
Most of the other comments are right on, so I won't repeat them. Will add you really need to work on writing craft. Ex. Always start proper name in caps. Several places you wrote father's name in all lower case.
Good luck & keep writing!
so fucking bad
Id bet on you wanking at least 10 times a day.
Err- Pal
Yeah- Don't write stories about underage kids basically getting raped by their dad's.
Also, practise writing and fully edit before you post...
A promising start
Nicely erotic first story.
To answer the anonymous commentator who termed it rape by the Daddy, I was not rape in any respect. The daughter wanted sex with her Daddy......and got it. A nice story. Worth a sequel
It clearly says
It clearly says in the fourth paragraph "recently turned 18." People really do cry about everything on here.
Don't listen to the haters
Story is a lot of fun. AND IT'S A STORY, PEOPLE. Jeez.
It's a God damn story
Stop hating on this story
A:it said in the story she recently turned 18
B: she wasn't getting raped she stated that because her dad was hardly around she had the sexual mentality of a little girl.
C: if you disn't like it why the he'll did you click on the damn story in the first place?
ugh
Yes,it's FICTION. I get that. But this character was so stupidly written she sounded like a 10 year old. ANY "recently turned 18" year old has a decent grasp of what sex is,even if they haven't had it. 1 star.
Good start
Unlike some other comments I thought the basic story was pretty good. It's a fictional story so I don't get all the child rape references. I would add that your story could use much better proof reading. Spelling and grammar was poor and you had the daddy pull down panties with his teeth at one point and later remove the pajama pants. Clean up the writing but I really enjoyed the premise of the story.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Daddy's Princess or
More submissions by ELroleplay.