by Eroreader55
I felt myself wanting to see what happens when Jenny gets back.
Some guys have all of it. Keep it going, I loved it, you are an example of why I read these stories. Think about doing one with SWI.
I liked it, it was well thought out with a good introduction into the characters. Keep writing I am hoping to read more of this (Thumbs Up)
As a x-dresser, I can relate pretty much to your story in a few respects. When I am dressed, which is almost all the time I am a woman!!!!!! I do things like a woman, have and give sex as a woman. I can relate to Jenny in many ways.
Loved the story!!!!! Hope you write the next part.
Jaye
I really love you story it what a lot of men and TG like to happen to them so keep written Robin
Please I would love to read more of them.I love this kind of transexual stories! So please keep it going!
to be the guy next door to a beautiful, voluptuous, hung girl like Jenny would be a dream come true! does she have any girlfriends like her?
Good start but have someone read it and edit before posting. Improper tenses, misspellings and poor grammar really kill the story.
I loved it. Great story, great build up and plenty of chemistry. I cannot wait to see them go further. Also, my name is also Tom so that's kinda funny lol
The first paragraph or two were a bit rough (I have no idea how one could have an accomplished six-pack) but it got smoother as it went. Nice job for a first outing.
You demonstrate a deep love and commitment with your efforts, keep going.
I'm going to echo someone else's comment that editing and proofreading would help. That's the only criticism I have. Otherwise this is a pretty hot story and I'm looking forward to reading more!
I love these types of story's. Keep writing and I'll keep reading :)
So I'm gonna say that I would love more from this story it was a real good read and I'm hoping that you continue the series
Great story. My every fantasy. It could use a little more editing but fucking fantastic
I like it! This story is developing very nicely. Can't wait for part 2.
A couple of grammatical errors and some syntax i would alter but still a splendid introduction to a thoroughly enticing story which i hope you continue very soon.
I enjoyed the premise of the story, but the telling lacks sophistication and polish.
For a couple of 22-year-olds, they communicated more like immature teenagers. An adult woman who calls a guy she just met a "dork", really? That's a word best left behind in middle school. And Tom wasn't much better. For a self-described "lady killer" he had all the moves and sophistication of Silly Putty.
People generally don't remodel apartments they are renting. In almost every case, they wouldn't be allowed to change anything, except perhaps the paint color (and only with permission from the building's owner). It might be different if they were living in condos that they had purchased, but a guy fresh out of college would not have the money to be buying into a condominium complex. So, Jenny having three rooms remodeled in her apartment is unrealistic.
You might want to try to get the help of one of Lit's free, volunteer editors. There were more than "a couple" of error areas that you need help with. There were run-on sentences. Dialogue appearing in the middle of paragraphs. Lots of missing commas. Missing capitalization. Single paragraphs that should have been two or more. And use of the wrong spellings (hoped/hopped, cloths/clothes).
You have the basis of a decent story here. You just need some help smoothing out the rough edges.
I like this story a lot; the way it sweeps you up into the characters and the situations is something that is difficult to learn how to do. It could use a bit of polish, but that's the type of thing you CAN learn, mostly by writing more and more and more. Gotta fave it so that I can come back and look for subsequent chapters!
The story is hot, if not completely realistic. Still, if we all only wanted realistic, why are we reading erotic fantasies, right?
Your story had elements that I enjoy in a story. It had reasonably good descriptions, good dialogue, and you let us into the thoughts and feelings of your main character. And, of course, you built up some really hot sex.
The things I noticed in the mechanics of the story might be remedied by using one of the Lit editors. The only other thing that will help will be for you to write more (please?).
This was good especially for a first effort. The story flowed very naturally to me. While somethings were unrealistic that is forgivable, the dialogue while it is a little highschoolish. On the other hand I know more than a few 20 somethings who talk like that, and It does sell me on Jenny's playfulness. My only real complaint is I don't feel like Tom was well characterized. I think I know what you were going for, Tom is a dork who grew into a confident ladys man in college and Jenny cuts through that part of himself and he reverts back to a bit of dorky awkward guy. I think because we are just told that about Tom it doesn't quite stick. A prologue or moment for Tom to demonstrate his confidence and charisma would have made it work better. Those are just my thoughts and I look forward to part 2.
I love that you did exactly what I'd have done! Jacked off with that cockhead close. I want to read about her cock cuming in your mouth as I dream about it!
Other readers have offered some constructive suggestions that should be taken to heart and incorporated into future efforts. And I certainly look forward to other works from you. While I agree that Tom and Jenny seem mature for a couple of young adults, I do not find it at all unrealistic. Some people mature earlier than others. As a young man, I had the rare privilege of meeting and bedding two very beautiful transsexuals. While I was rather immature, they exuded a level of maturity beyond their tender age -- they were much younger than I was at the time. This happened in 1965 in Thailand. There was a language barrier and they may have been escorts. However, no money changed hands for the pleasure they gave to me. If that sounds unrealistic, then remember this: strange things do happen. So, I encourage you to borrow from personal experience and don't hesitate to use your fertile imagination in telling your story. Thanks again for the story of Tom and Jenny.
Please do continue the story. It would be much appreciated. :) You've got a good set up, good writing skills, and a good cliff hanger.
Positively absolutely add the 2nd and 3rd chapters! Very hot sexy story!! Jenny is a doll you brought to life! I want to hear more of her sexploits, including her time with the client, and afterwards with Tom.
Great story! Not sure how I missed it when it came out, but please continue.
Really hoping that your working on more chapters for this story. Can't wait to see the sub/domme dynamic when she gets back
Please continue with the story. It's been nearly a decade since I've been in erotica and I need to have more of this story. Please don't hold back. And be gentle and more sunsenseful!!!
I concur with the other comments! Your storyline flowed well, enticing this reader to crave more! Also, your character build up made the characters more believable. I look forward to reading more of your enticing works!
Unless he was already looking for a TS you should’ve drawn it out more .... not rushed the relationship. Some of us really like a slow burn romance, makes it all hotter
I really enjoyed it thanks please finish the story. I wished I could have met a special person like Jenny Tom/Tammy
A good introduction to a potential series. Would love to read a part 2 or a part 3. Hope to see Tom go all the way and get his anal cherry taken this smoking hot neighbor. Jenny happens to be my dream girl, just like Tom!