All Comments on 'The Long, Broken Road'

Hard to believe that anyone believes that characters he established could possibly behave this way. Based on his plotting the South would immediately have won the war after Appomattox. 1* because I can't go lower

TMS: Seriously? If your worst complaint was a simple issue of intelligence vs Geography then I submit you shouldn't be looking at non-fiction or fictional stories as they will continually disappoint.

Azpiri: Good job, it's good to see you writing more and thank you for the longer story and redemption of a sort.

It was a good story, Some people dont realize its a story. And a damn fine one

I was skimming rather than reading...but then it began to get interesting. Entertaining story. Looks like he got his family back...slut wife and everything.

Did I like the ending? Not really. I'd have preferred the exes ending up as friends--more believable after ten years apart--but I still enjoyed the hell out of the story.

Folks you don't always get what you want and just because the story doesn't conform to your wants doesn't mean it's a bad story.

This story is a well written tale by a skilled storyteller. Five stars.

1*

to get back into a winners circle. TK U MLJ LV NV

To the author 5 stars,the story 4 stars

@BTB crowd : not all people are potential psychopats

People make mistakes,make bad decisions all the time,it's in the nature of people,trieing to rectify what went wrong is not only human but allso honorable so it would be wise to respect it even if it doesn't go the way you want it

... bravo, thank you.

I think Malcolm Reynolds said it best, "I got no rudder. Wind blows northerly, I go north. That's who I am."

It took prison , quality guitar time and talented young pussy to make a man in full out of 'Stoney ' worthy of his cheating ex-wife who denied him parental custody rights but cashed his child support checks. The ending sucked by my standards. I get potential reconciliation after adultery , but not with a woman who withholds a father from his daughters, yet takes his money. That's a deal breaker by my mores.

I respect the work Azpiri has inlaid into his story . Heavy issues are taken head on and cliches often, though not always averted. The wordsmithing quotient is of the inspired, ambitious amateur level with scads of passion . He held nothing back and let the chips fall where they may at the end, full well knowing the preferences of Loving Wives demographic and our prejudices.

I will thank Azpiri for sharing and even as I respectfully resent the reconciliation chosen .

Well, rather "Beer Women and Song" but it's all there. A little disjointed, a little confusing, sometimes noisy, at other times quiet - almost like life. Great story, thank you!

5*

He should've spit in the whores face and told her to fuck off and die. Instead we get a RAAC.

I gave a five because the writing was excellent. But taking that evil bitch back? C'mon.

if annony hates it then you all know it has to be a god LW story

I read that far. I had to stop and congratulate you for getting the quote right. Bugs Bunny said music soothes the savage beast, and that cartoon quote surpassed the Bard's quote in popularity for some reason, which I'd rather not speculate on in this forum.

He came home to his bags already packed, a strange man holding his wife and a sheriff with divorce papers. Why didn't she pack her bags and go with her boyfriend. No this is to much to swallow. There are times when reconciliation is possible, this is not one of them.

He had to get a public defender, why didn't she get him a lawyer. I mean under the circumstance, she had been cheating on him for months, she should show some regret or empathy for her husband that she just blindsided and betrayed and realize that this whole thing is mostly her fault.

She even went further and said that he abused her and the kids and filed a restraining order.

Then being even more of a bitch denies him any visits from his kids, and asks for child support while he's in jail. Come on,where in any of this do we see any regret. She sold his house, took all the money he had in the bank and moved his daughters away.

Then after making no contact with him or trying to repair the damage she caused with him and his kids after he got out of jail and cashing all his cheques by the way, she shows up at his door unannounced ten years later. Then she claims that she didn't know that all his cards and letters were being returned unopened. In ten years she never checked the mail herself ,yet got every child support cheque. Does Doug not go to work? I thought she was a stay at home mom? So she just sits on her ass the whole day and waits for Doug to get the mail. I call "BULLSHIT'' . Then after having buyer's remorse and never really paying any serious kind of restitution, decides that she's gonna divorce Doug because it was all a mistake, and move back to Tenesse so that she can be with the same man she has a restraining order against.

I read LW stories because they deal with life. Your story was about this man's life. In real life a lot of BTB stories would end like this guy's, in prison. A lot of ' take her back' stories are ridiculous. Life is neither, like your story.

You totally fucked this one up. He took the whore back and everyone is happy . WTF

Your characters really come to life, and my geek-girl heart absolutely soared with happiness at all the references. Really solid story. Thank you!

Being a country boy I loved all the references back to favourite songs. I may not agree with how he took her back but I did love the way you wrote the story. The girls back in his life and the way he has "found" himself as a better man was great.

Thanks!

While most of you may think of this as a RAAC story - it really is anything but.

He is no cucky wimp here! Once he finds out (after missing any & all the warning signs), he promptly beats the shit out of the other dude.

Then he pays society's price for it - and KEEPS paying it for however many more years once his 5-years stretch is over. That's no cucky wimp - nor the story of some amoral loser.

Now, not only does he show good character, but when presented with the opportunity to hang the horns back on the "other dude" in retaliation - he demurs! It is only after his ex "comes back to her senses" - even those many years later - is even the _possibility_ of any sort of reconciliation even thought about.

Now should he take her back? not our call to make, but if he does, he will have 1) eyes open; 2) 4 additional eyeballs on her (their daughters'), and 3)...an older, wiser woman who knows how she fucked up her life earlier, knowing that there would never be a possibility of third chances. So...? is she worth a chance? Love can make us do stupid things, especially when we're young...but also when we're older. So, that said, in these conditions, a reconciliation _can_ make sense.

As for the BTBer crowd...well you can argue that she DID get burned, after all.

She traded DOWN to a lesser man - and quickly came to know it! However, she learned the maturity to lay in the bed she made for herself - until her daughters began to force change.

The litany of sins against the father all have merit, but a substantial number of them _can_ be reasonably traced back to "Doug" - whether that's fully believable or not is left undisclosed. There are bad actors out there, and Doug, as least as described, seems to fit the bill. Too Simplistic? Maybe, but that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes.

5* from me, whether you like the storyline or ending or not.

Enjoyed the story, nice characters. I am glad there was peace at the end. However, Brette was built as someone patient and loyal. Then to have her flip and disappear like that..... also, I get that he thought of her as a substitute daughter. But if he was going to stick with that, why not turn her down for sex ? Would have liked to see their relationship maintained, even I if as friends

but a few observations from a technical standpoint. When you serve your full prison sentence there is no parole upon release...you're done. The was nothing to make his crime a federal offense so he would have been in a Tennessee State prison. Dialogue is better but overall a regression from "Shattered".

You mentioned in the story "I should never have gotten involved with someone more than half my age."

Technically, his wife was more than half his age. And, getting involved with someone less than half his age would, perhaps, put him in the "Pervert" category. So I suppose you intended something else other than what you wrote...

As far as the "BTB' classification, well, the protagonist didn't do anything to his wife, so I'm not sure what that comment referenced in the story.

And as another commenter stated, Aggravated Assault is a state crime, not federal. Also, there is no parole or probation within the Federal System, so there are no Federal parole or probation officers.I'm not sure why some people have the idea that Federal Prison is tougher, most state prisons are far worse than their Federal Equivalents.

Well written. It makes a refreshing change to find a story of this quality on the site as opposed to the juvenile, illiterate offerings regularly found here.

Forget about the BTB brigade. It is nice to read something with some depth and maturity of writing.

So he loses the kids for a decade, he got so much cock in the joint he will never dart again and has to wear diapers and the bitch wants him back because it wasn't as good as she thought it would be. His kids think his prison tattoos are cool but don't know what they mean. And he takes her back! She wants back not because she was wrong, but because the new man was not what she thought he was. -1 for RAAC.

Gritty and well written 5*

Excellent. Thank you. This story had real emotion, and we don't get enough of that. Normally I might take off a point because the hot sex quotient was low or because of the grammatical errors, but the story deserves a +1 because of the depth of feeling expressed. 5*

You wrote real characters with real life emotions. Very very good!

FBG

. . . quite a story. I did find it a bit difficult to get into at first, but I was wonderfully rewarded as the story got going. Very satisfying ending. Thank you for your excellent effort. Looking forward to more from you, for sure.

This is a very commendable story, and I enjoyed the way you skirted around some terrible tropes (magic music career) without hitting them head on.

However, I wish you hadn't given them such a yellow brick road to follow. From the moment the daughter's disappearance and love of dad is revealed, every single event, reaction, and bit of dialogue is designed to make it easier for them all to live happily ever after. There's no danger or interpersonal drama aimed at our hero after that.

In other words, you set up a gripping and affecting backstory, and then quickly wrapped up 90% of the drama with 5 or 6 pages left to go.

Now, that sounds pretty damning, but this was still one of the best things I've read on here in months, and I'll be reading it again.

Kudos.

The father became a wimp somewhere around page 6. He was no longer Stoney, he reverted back to Steve.

Though not a fan of traditional BTB stories it ended wrapped up too neatly in a bow.

Perhaps sometimes the best stories are the ones without happy endings. Or I expected a different ending than 'I got my family back. All of it.'

As usual I write these as I go, so some comments may be over-taken by future events.

I'm always perplexed by these wives who want their husbands to earn more money, then complain about how much time they spend at work!

I don't understand how he can be denied access to his share of JOINT accounts for his defense.

Visitation is not decided by the mother, but by the courts. If the courts grant him visitation and she denies him, SHE can be found in contempt!

"I put it with all of the other cards you've tried sending to Abby and Allie." - I'm sorry, I at least HOPE they've been influenced by their mother and they're really not that heartless, but any decent young woman should want to reach out her father, and at least make him tell her to her FACE that he didn't want anything to do with her, assuming that is what she has been told.

"No, I let ego, pride, and the need to show that I'm the 'better man' get in the way." - NOOOOOOO! Not he "pride and ego" crap again! Should he have reacted violently? Of course not! But if she got upset that HE ran off with another woman would SHE be told to forget her pride and ego? Didn't think so.

For ten odd years they don't even accept his birthday cards, drain his money while denying him visits, and now when they need him, NOW they come running!

"but I need to talk to him about his daughter." - Oh, NOW she's "his" daughter! Where's lover boy?

"Did I want to take advantage of her?" - How do you know you're taking advantage of her? Maybe SHE'S taking advantage of YOU!

"The old coot must be going senile in his old age." - Excuse me, but fifties does NOT compute with "old coot", "senile", and "old age"!

She felt "neglected"! We're coming back to my first comment - who wanted the money pit of a house, instead of one more withing their budget? Once the kids were in school, how much did she work to help out with the money?

"She put a comforting hand on her thigh, and gave a gentle squeeze." - Shouldn't that be, "I put..."?

"If I got divorced to Doug," - "..divorced FROM Doug,"!

Sorry, only 3 stars, too RAAC for me.

I know the age difference was huge, and it's a Loving Wives cliche, but I was hoping he'd end up with Brette. I wouldn't have minded a cordial relationship with the ex, but she did WAY too much damage to merit as much reconciliation as she got, she was dangerously close to BTB territory!

The author , in his prolog , calls this a "failed BTB" story , and looking over at the tags as I write my comment it lists btb- reconciliation - revenge among others. That's a pretty tall order for one plot, so I'll give Azpiri props for tackling such an undertaking.

Now , to the story.

Nerdish Noir , Stream of Consciousness internal dialogues , Oz ( HBO series, not 1939 movie) , Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance , Eclectic musical references. Those are just a few of the ideas that popped into my head while reading this story.

So wow on getting the reader (me , in this case) to flash to so many ideas while reading your story. also , the dream scenes of having Frued or Jung meet Batman and Darth Vader , kudos for that one ! Lol chuckle !

But I will put forth that this isn't a " BTB" story ( I really do not think that term is truly indicative of most storylines it gets applied to) , nor would I classify it in the " RAAC" category that some previous commentators have labeled it as. No , this one is a quasi-hybridization of the two .

One thing I didn't really understand was exactly what was the fulcrum that moved Stony back to Steve. It really just seemed to me that poof , changeover complete. Really would have liked for the author to delve a little more into that.

Also , it appears to me that it was simply tied up too neatly at the end. He goes from a menacing stone cold " Fuck the World " ex con to "old Steve family man" just too conveniently to me. Seriously , the Stony part of his personality doesn't seem like he would revert from feral to domesticated that easily.

The Brette character was also seemingly just too conveniently jettisoned for my taste. She goes from a Young 'I want it all , now' , to a seemingly wise beyond her years , salve for his ego lover only to suddenly revert back to old self overnight.

Overall I give the Author major props for stepping outside of his usual ( but very well like by me) safe zone , and trying something very large indeed.

The use of all the different song lyrics , actually was great at first , but I think the author went a little overboard with the scale of that. I get it , and sometimes I too will group things with either a song , movie , poem , or even an author or story that I read on a certain erotic story internet site I visit regularly , but it felt a little bit overseasoned with that plot device. ( This coming from a commentator who couldn't write his way out of a wet paper bag , so it must be right ! right ?)

Oh , and when you listed the Musical artists that you quote from , I was looking for Johnny Cash's "the beast in me" , because I felt sure that was what you built his whole Stony persona on. Guess I read a little too much into that.

So overall the story , at times was kind of difficult to follow ( had to read some of his inner dialogues two or three times) , but I am glad that I did. Not your usual LW yarn , that's for sure.

I would normally give this about a 4.5 score , so grading on the Literotica curve

5*'s

about a wife (or girlfriend) more than half his age. 99% of us have them. It's no big deal. It's the lucky bastards that have women less than half their age that we all envy. I thought the word "usher" was used strangely a couple of times. I think the old Unoriginal guy made some good points. It was a long story, but there was little actual conflict. What was in all of those pages? It was filled with his musings, dreams, and more than a few amusing observations. All said and done, I liked it, but it was on the verge of being so much more. Thanks for the hard work!

When did he even TRY to BTB?

He beat her lover, then had nothing to do with her till she came crying to him and they had their half-ass reconciliation.

Really straddles a 4 or 5* Was well crafted and delivered some emotional punch. A little bit dense, meaning lots of long paragraphs, but overall really well done.

A 5 from me. Wonderful use of word imagery. Loved it. You are a very talented writer.

Life is about moving forward. It is about seasons. Melanie's season had passed. Brette was a good possible future, but there are millions of other possibilities. Other than for the sake of their daughter, there is no good reason to have anything more to do with the treacherous cheater. Learn, move on, do better next time. The "romantic" reconciliation may be fine for a romantic story. However, I find the use of the "romantic" reconciliation sickeningly irrational in a tale of adultery, betrayal and divorce. Good writing, bad plot.

great writing in this story. kept me interested all the way through it with just enough of suspense to be surprised by how it all turned out. he finally got closure on his marriage and also found out that she was sorry that she did what she did as she felt now that she really gave up more than what she gained by leaving him. at the end it was great as the whole family is back into each others lives. keep writing

that led the author to write this story. And I think it started out well. But then it seems the characters morphed completely to fit the end the author had in mind. And that ruined a good begining.

The same story line, but with Steve ending up with Brette, and without the reconciliation, would have been much better, and provided a better canvas for character development. IMHO.

For some reason, the style of this story made me think of stories posted by Carvohi on this site.

A good story, maybe too long, but all the songs made it worth to read...More because of one of the best songs of all times: "The Beatles - While My Guitar Gently Weeps"! 3*

interesting that your decision to extend the length by filling in the backstory still left us knowing almost nothing about the characters. The story is unique in that it is both a BTB and a RAAC.

And today, by magic, there's a new 5* story by you.

You know, I could see this as a film. Sorry, as a movie.

A good story, well-told, with believable characters.

First and foremost, I would like to thank everyone for their comments. Both good and bad. Seriously, I am trying to take these things into account when I write. If I can survive the LW crew, I can survive most harsh critics. Though, I'm disappointed to not see any response from Harry in VA -- I suppose I've lost a little of my magic.

Now, there are a lot of things that I want to address to help clear up, or at least acknowledge from the comments left so far.

I'll start with the mundane to explain some of the events that transpired.

1) He was denied custody to the children by the courts because he performed a violent crime in the home, "in front of the children". This gave Melanie's divorce lawyer enough to go after his custody completely while still compelling him to pay child support.

2) The Federal prison vs. State prison? I will have to blame my research team for that blunder. As for the parole issue, I may not have written it clearly (as it should be obvious, I don't have that much experience with the workings of jail time/prison time) but the original sentencing was for 7 years. He was able to get out in 5. I thought due to the reduced sentencing for good behavior still required some time under parole. Again, I may not have worded things properly. **shakes fist** Bad squishy.

3) Him not having access to his finances... I figured with him in prison, he more or less lost control to any "privilege" he may have had. Melanie would have easier access to his money than he would. Again, due to my lack of real prison experience and such, I made a creative license decision there.

4) For Melanie, she was nothing more than a trophy to be put up on the mantle for Doug. So her not getting access to the mail was my way of saying 'She didn't have to do anything'. It took her "wanting to stay home as a mom" and took it one step further to "staying home to be an object of little to no responsibility" (hence, this is why Abby had problems with her mom)

Next, Crkcppr mentioned about a Johnny Cash reference. I never worked in a reference, but I was thinking more along the lines of Ring of Fire and Folsom Prison Blues.

Ok, so now a little for the storyline or what my original intent or message was. The working title for the story was "Redemption" (which is another reason why I went with the Vader dream at the beginning).

> Stony went from a felon with a surrogate daughter to getting his daughters back. I only say daughters, and not family for a reason. I'll address that in a second.

> Melanie had her own Hell that she made, and felt like she had to endure it because she couldn't forgive herself. Stony's forgiveness helped her find a little of that redemption.

> Abby needed to "grow up". It's one thing to fight and argue and wish things were the way they were. However, she had to see that there were some adult choices that were made. Maybe not perfect choices, but every choice has a consequence.

> Brette was rewarded for her patience and given a second chance for her dream in the music industry

So the whole Brette vs. Melanie thing. I wish I could show you the struggle that was going on in my mind. Originally, Stony and Brette were going to be it. But as I started writing, I don't want to say my mood changed but some things started to sink in. He's 45, she's 21? Perv city. Ok, the guy is thinking "Score!" but really her young mindset would just be completely different than his. And in the epilogue, she wound up being a Momma -- so that would have been bad for Stony. He didn't want another kid. Oh, and for those of you taking note of my "more than half" / "less than half" mistake -- sorry! I messed up. You got me.

One of the things that I wanted to do was for Stony to have sex with Melanie as Stony (not as Steve). I talked about how they were partners during the marriage, but now he was Team Stony. I wanted the contrast. Originally, it was going to happen before she got divorced. But due to the different scenes taking place, and then the mindset of "If I put the horns on Doug, doesn't that make me Doug?"... and I didn't want Stony to be like Doug. It's a matter of taking the high road vs. the low road. So yea, I had to wait for that scene to happen until after the divorce.

Now, one of the things that was happening was that I felt like I was writing, and then I'd think of something and say "crap, I'm not done yet"... and then I would write something to help with the transition, and then it was "Well, poop. Now, I have to add this scene". So when I got to the end... the very end. I cut off Stony's thoughts. While Stony did have sex with his ex, the relationship was really more of a "Friends with Benefits" relationship. Of course, the girls want mom and dad back together -- well, at least Abby does. She still holds that "Why can't it be the way it was?" But Melanie and Stony both know they're different people now.

The biggest thing for me was trying to write this story where I had well thought out characters with their own agendas, their own views of what happened. And as much as it will probably hurt some people, I really felt sorry for Melanie after I developed her more and more. Perhaps that's a part of the reason what made me shift from Stony and Brette to Stony and "something with Melanie".

As for lacking conflict -- So noted! That was one of the things that I "felt" when I wrote the ending. There was no climax. The story was more along the lines of "Where the hell are we going?" and not about "Resolution of a conflict"... so that's noted.

Azpiri

Oh, and one final point that I forgot to add...

The catalyst for the entire story was Melanie coming back into his world. Stony would have kept on being Stony if Melanie stayed living the good life up in Chicago (Skokie is a suburb of Chicago, just FYI... if anyone was worried about the interchange there).

However, Melanie's presence required Stony to realize there was never closure on what transpired. He never got a "why" and he was too busy dwelling on hate to care. But since Melanie was worried about her daughter, and didn't have the support in Chicago as she was more or less a "helpless little thing" up there... she came down to Nashville for help. This is what woke up Melanie to her life of Hell.

Brette sensed Stony's demeanor crumbling, his defense mechanism was crumbling... so she had to stake her claim, which is what lead to her having sex with him.

But really for Stony... the path of redemption had to get him past the hate. "Let go of your hate!" And at one point, I was simply going to have him ride off into the sunset -- but I couldn't get him away from his daughters. So Melanie became his anchor.

i would like to read another chapter

because I see some potential in this story, just didn't like the reconciliation. Happened too quickly and too completely to be believable. Even with his fond memories of being fucked in the ass while in prison, it still should have toughened him up a bit and given him a sterner outlook on life. I don't see him forgiving her at all, let alone taking her back in any form or fashion.

I understand what this site is about but for me this did NOT need the sex. For that reason I give it a four. Thank you.

By opening your story with a mash up of confusion fails to grab a reader and prevents everyone from starting at the same time and place. Who were the children, who was the man? Was this intended to be sci fi? Starting a story in confusion makes a story much harder to become vested in so I took the easy way out and moved on. I hope this helps somehow, just my personal prejudices about story construction. anonjerry

You write it and readers get a lot of different, and often incorrect impressions from it. Your job is to write it so we see your vision, but every reader is different, so interpretations vary. Allow the reader the pleasure of figuring it all out.

In terms of writing - reasonably good. Occasionally too wordy and too much introspection, but not bad at all. The plot - ok until he broke up with the singer and took back the skanky whore. Not a credible ending at all.

There is a lot like about the story even if it is a some what romantic syrupy bit of fluff. But when I read this "The beast within me was now unsure of who the true victim was. .." I wanted to punch Stony

Reading that truly idiotic in the pathetic assertion is when my view of the story began to go downhill. CHOICES ARE NOT VICTIMS

The wife made bad choices and she suffering the consequences of the choices and decisions that she made. But she is not a victim of those choices -she instigated them !!!

Those are not remotely the same thing.

The other problem is that some of the story was very cliche and formulaic. When I read the part where the birthday cards that were being returned to Sender and that there was a large pile of them that had accumulated over the past 10 years .....I knew that the excuse from the wife would be

" ...oh I had no idea"

"..I didnt mean for that to happen" ....

" that was all Doug's doing .."

For 10 years ?? That is is just ridiculous and preposterous. I am sure it was done for literary license but it was too much

Stony was not twice as old as his wife you goof he was twice as old as Brette. Read the story properly before you comment.

You can write , I don't see how Steve after getting hit over the head with the divorce and jail time. Losing his family for years. Losing his carear ,living a poor mans existencwould ever want his x wife back in his life. Now was she going to support him with her new divorce settlement . I can't see her living in his present world which she caused him to fall into. 5year in prison for beating a total scum bag to better herself. What kind of Man does that make him.

..But hell FUCKING no.

No, never take a cheating cunt back. Never. Not ever. For any reason. A cheating cunt is a cheating cunt forever.

Been burned myself and know it well.

His ex ruined his life and yet he went crawling back to her. JUST NO...

If she's good pussy and he can keep her on a string, why the hell not? When he gets tired of her, or gets a better option, a week, a year, 10 years from now, he can dump her just like she dumped him. And if nothing better ever comes along then at least he's got some decent pussy and his daughters back in his life. Hell yeah, why not?

Oh, dignity, and self respect, and revenge, and payback? You try sleeping and living and fucking those virtuous principles. I'll take a remorseful eager sexy woman, guilt ridden and trying to fuck her way back into my heart. Easy choice.

I liked what I read...the effort to further develop characters is very well played. And the obscure references and choices in lyrical content were quite in character as well.

Is there is no federal penitentiary in Memphis. There is 201 popular which is city and county jail and the penal farm( no longer a active farm except for experimental for the collage ) which is again local.

... Happy medium!

I still haven't seen any explanation about how this is a "failed BTB".

When did he ever ATTEMPT a BTB? Hell, he was imprison after beating on Doug, he COULDN'T BTB!

I couldn't help compare this Azpiri story with BigGuy33's " Family Tradition".

The only thing in common was they were posted on the same day. BigGuy took a good idea and delivered a mediocre, blandly unemotional story. Azpiri, on the other hand, delivered an emotional roller coaster ride.

I gave you 4*s for this story.

Some of the story I like. His constant concern for his daughters. His immediate emotional response to his wife dropping the bomb on him. Your character development was a great improvement over your shorter posts. Your description of Nashville was good,too.

Some of this I hated.How the hell can he take Melanie back, unbelievable😱! The Brette(Brett?) was given short shift and quickly rushed out of the way,boo! The second daughter Allie was undeveloped, but it is understandable. She would have lengthened the story maybe too long.

Speaking about story length. It wasn't too long. The plot just zoomed along. Moving quickly, emotionally, to a resolution.

I didn't like the ending but that's your prerogative. I did enjoy, was very entertained by it.

Thanks again Azpiri 👏.

AMerryman

Thought this was excellent! A couple plot points I didn't care for (reconciliation was a bit weak, yes they weren't actually together at the end but come on, Stony rolled over on almost everything else his daughters wanted... & there really wasn't any real punishment for Melanie other than Buyer's Remorse.). But just because there were some things I didn't care for doesn't make this any less a damn great story!

Would make one suggestion though... although I love music and movie references, too many of them can be somewhat distracting from your characters and storyline (yeah I know I'm a hypocrite... still don't make it so!) 😜

Anyway thanks again for the story!

Killian

I have yet to look at the voting but I have the feeling that taking her back into his life will knock down the rating. Personally I feel that this story makes sense and was produced with care. Gave it a five.

I'm disappointed by your final destination but you did give one heck of an enjoyable ride.

P.s.

The protagonist fancied himself a disenchanted, cold hearted bad ass... What in the story actually supported that?

leaves with out a hint, fucks him over, he goes to jail, gets fucked in the ass while in prison, doesn't see his kids for a decade. Has a hot new babe and a chance to be a country star yet he gives up everything to take the whore back. I agree with the others where was the BTB at. (3)

A good story, but because of going off in a different direction after the betrayal by his wife morphed into something completely different.

I didn't get the feel of getting back with the wife. Sure fuck her and let her know what she's lost, but damn you got a young one that loves and understands you. I still gave you high marks. The story was long and well written I may not have liked the ending but you get a 5 because it was a good story and you gave me an evening's entertainment. Thank you very much!

I can see this story had a great deal of effort and it was extremely entertaining. There was a great deal of emotions that were thick as molasses on a Wisconsin.

Well written even if I hated the direction of the story.

I think she destroyed far too much to get her family back so soon, if at all.

I have rarely voiced opinion on a story, that said.....

I am not a big fan of BTB stories but by your description where was the attempted BTB. He comes home one day and out of left field is a cop, her friend for support (as we later find out boyfriend) and he is served with divorce papers. He flips out, beats the guy and goes to prison. Gets out and has sci-fy nightmares and what we are led to believe smoking hot 20 year his junior staying with him, but he has never had sex with her but she comforts him as a lover would. (still trying to remember the failed BTB) Now 10 years later his ex,(the one who cheated on him and dumped him, allowed him to go to prison, get fucked in the ass until he convinces the weightlifting crowd in the yard that he belongs among them, and then the ex shows up out of the blue after no contact in 10 years...............

I could go on and on but even for fiction this is way out there. I rambled on and on because to me that is how this read. Even in the end I still fail to see where he tried to burn her.

As far if well written or not, in terms of proper grammar, punctuation. structure very good......... 5 quality

As far as believable even for fiction...... give it a 2 since even you seem not to realize what was in the story.

Perhaps it was a little misleading. Personally, I viewed the "failed BTB" in that he was arrested before he could do any more damage to Melanie. If he could have, he would have. However, in his bout of rage and "temporary insanity", he didn't formulate a clear thought or have a clear plan. All he saw was red, all he felt was anger, and he wanted to lash out and inflict pain. The fact that he didn't get much farther than beating the crap out of Doug is where I viewed that he failed.

Well, no offense intended, but we can't read what's in your mind, only what's on the page.

In order for a BTB to fail, there has to be a plan and/or intent to BTB, and for that plan to be foiled. Here, he never even had a chance to formulate a plan as he attacked Doug and was arrested as soon as he learned about his wife's in fidelity.

Steve did manage to do a pretty good job on Doug, but Doug survived and recovered and Steve went to prison for five years and lost his career. Hence the failure.

You're wrong on two counts:

1) Azpiri himself states that the intended BTB was on the wife.

2) While he might have been punished for it, his Burn The Bastard was surely successful, not failed, LOL!

But Doug didn't die or end up in a wheelchair for life, so success was still rather limited.

Clearly Azpiri knows Nashville. Living in Nashville if he is not a native then he must come to the City alot. To those of you not from Nashville the places are real and the description very accurate. The story itself is excellent and for the most part well thought out. The sex really did not add to the story other then to probably fulfill including it in LW. A 5 star effort.

Great writing, but either you are Ernest Cline or have read Ready Player Obe too many times. I guess we're roughly the same age as I knew all of your references. I'm surprised you didn't throw in the Flux Capacitor for good measure.

Story wise, I agree with those who've posted that their reconciliation didn't jive with the characters you wrote. Friends would have been a more realistic scenario. In addition, the reconciliation was telegraphed way too early and there were too many coincidences happening to each character to enable it. Essentially, you had an ending in mind and forced the story to fit that ending instead of staying true to the characters and who they were.

Still, great story. *****

Being from the Nashville area and probably about the same age, I really enjoyed the Nashville references. It was really well written and seemed very real. The sex was a natural part of the story and very believable. Some stories are just a framework to show off the sex scenes, but this was a real story that just happens to have some good sex sprinkled in.

Thank you

If you ever need an editor in Nashville, I would be glad to help

Yes, you are a very good writer. The story held my interest up until the ex-wife made an appearance. She is definitely not worthy of reconciliation. She did to much to this guy (cheating, prison, no kids for 10 years, letting new hubby return cards he sent, etc.) for him to forget. Thanks for a real good 3/4 of a story.

Well written and unique. I do not mind reconciliation if circumstances are right-

HOWEVER

When I read about breast implants that would have been deal breaker for me

Was a time I was in relationship with 50ish female. While she was intent on seducing me she would shove her 36Cs in my face every chnce she got. Arching her back, leanibg forward and squeezing them together with elbows, running towards me them bouncing up and down.

Was only when I first cupped them that I felt the hardened lumps on their undersides, then while she was on her back naked the outline could be seen. She had the procedure after nursing her second son-world class surgeon, top notch job no scarring, basically a permanent push-up bra that provided a ledge for her original flesh to do the natural bouncing.

Thing is after months spent fantasizing about their feel the intial touch repulsed me. That and the fact she lied about having them done

I enjoyed her company did not get involved with her because of breasts but as the months went by i realized those implants were a metaphor for her public personna that is she presented a false front. When i came to discover what she wasreally like i was out of the relationship

She was great in bed, cowgirled up to multiple orgasms loved oral sex but when she started asking me to urinate on her clit i flushed her

I hate when authors write protagonists that repeat their mistakes instead of circling back he should have moved forward.

I felt sorry for Brette seems like she ended up making just as big a mistake, I also didn't like how she was written out of the story, her part died with a whimper, making how much space was spent on her seem superfluous.

I enjoyed your characters, especially Stoney. Not too sure about the reconciliation but it's your story and your characters. Very well written and I caught most of the music and movie references which made the story even more enjoyable for me.

Thanks for the hard work.

Woodmanone

I've read all your writing presented to date on Literotica. You have an interesting writing style that seems to be getting better. I enjoyed "The Long, Broken Road," and look forward to your next. I would like to comment about its excellent plot development and other matters; however, the tradition here on Loving Wives is to make some snide comments about grammar, punctuation, misspelled words, alleged errors of fact (ignoring the obvious fact that the story is fiction), and/or rhetoric . Of course, the other part of the tradition is to condemn the author bitterly for having the cheek to turn the plot in a direction intended by the author, rather than the reader. (the tradition calls to mind Antony's line, "I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.") Some readers seem to want every "loving wife" to be disemboweled with rusty pruning shears just before lighting the fagots to burn her at the stake. One has to chuckle sometimes at these comments, thinking the author must be rejoicing because his story has provoked such a spirited catharsis in a reader that the reader felt compelled to release his tension by spewing such incendiary invective. Dear author, with a gentle nod to G.B., I freely admit that your stories did not chase me down the street nipping my ankles and screeching, "Read me, Read me." However, in the spirit of the genre of Loving Wives, I will honor its tradition with the following: "Regarding winds, a 'Northerly' blows from the North not towards it."

Crap story about a moron who takes his ex back after all he went through because of her. Wimp! I guess this character's stay in prison with so much dick around made him a complete wuss after all.

I hate it when authors seem to assume everyone knows the meaning of acronyms. You never use the full term in defining BTB. Even if you ever DO define it, you lose too much looking for it in the narrative. I never read the story because of it.

2nd read, enjoyed it even more

Nah...could have been good..but he turn out to b a stupid Cuck...

Like a dog who turn back and eat its own vomit...

Should have bust the assholes' balls with d bat...

Latter tell the bitch...to get list n never show her face to him again...

This story is in the wrong category...

If you r only write stupid Cuck story please don't write anymore.. just go stand in the street corner u might just get $20/- per fuck...

1*

I like it....

Needed a more equal balance of justice between the exes....bill

5ssss

...that you know Nashville pretty well. Aside from that, ad halfway decent story. Good work.

Is anyone else seeing the irony in the guy complaining about the use of acronyms, but uses the subject of "WTF"?

like you had to do the emasculation after you wrote him gaing a little self respect back and just ripped it away. It left a bad taste , no need for a twist just for twists sake.

When you do that much damage there is forgiveness and redemption of course but hardly together if you have regaiined some self esteemi n any case.

Very engaging, and I felt that the reconciliation seemed natural. Five stars. I really enjoy your writing and would love to see more.

fuck this raac. he should of just stayed with the young girl. lol i cant like the narrator/mc hes to much of a lil bitch. they way he took her back after 10 years. must of been from All the ass fucking he was getting in prison.

Lets see. Melanie cheats behind his back, leaves him for another man, helps put him in prison for 5 years and doesn't help him see his children and he reconciles with her?

Huh uh. Nope. Absolutely fucking no.

Still, the writing is wonderful and I gave it 5 stars just for that reason.

Bret Loved him, but this pussy wimp likes getting back with his ex wife who fucked him over over and over again. Man stories like this makes me really question the self respect of the author who wrote it. May be he is too busy enjoying being cuckolded and then drinking cum from his wife's pussy.

With the top 5 WORST stories, not only on this site, but of all the stories I have ever read. She was a huge bitch from the beginning and he put up with all her shit through the entire story. And his excuse of 'I'll do anything for my girls' must include giving away all his pride, dignity, and respect for himself and what others have for him. He might as well be a feminine pad for her; soaking up all the blood and other men's cum from her well used cunt. Absolutely hated both him and the (ex)wife. Made me sick to my stomach.