though somehow felt disappointed when it went to blow job the way it did. Not that it's wrong or anything. I donno. I was beginning to expect something better, I suppose, youknowwhatImean?
And she reminds me of an incredibly beautiful ex of mine (alas, the one that got away). Nice list of guitarists, but I would add Elmore James for the sliding twang (after all, Monsieur George Harrison got the cue for abfab slide playing from this bloke as much as he did from Ravi); don't forget Blackbird Mc Knight andJessie Johnson, who plugged in Jimi's brilliance wit der Phunk; and oh-what-the-hell, yer gotta throw in Ron Isley, Nile Rogers for the groove, and top it off with Vernon Reid for the post-modern power. And if you want that caf au lait Goddess to move in, one might as well tackle Charlie Christian and Wes Montgomery, too.
By the way, your guitarist may like a bit of a puff, now and then, but he's got the groove. After all, his love definitely preferred Jimi and Albert to Ratt and Poison (yeh, she's beautiful and has taste; how good can it get??)
One final thing; does that beautiful sistah have, umm, you know, a sister who will give another White guitarist a second look?
I'm a huge fan of the love stories between a BF/WM, and this had humor and warmth...the only real critique i have is that it was too short. i get that a lot about my writing too, so i can sympathize. Sometimes a story needs to end just the when the author feels like it should, but you left us wanting more! Keep up the writing!
by
Anonymous04/29/04
Grrrrreeeaaaat !!!
OK, this is fantasy. The guy is a bit too much of a Nice Guy to bed a girl like her.
Anyway the blow job does not come too fast, they are just both very horny, so the sex does not last a lot. This is very true.
I loved it.Being a black woman,i have always loved white men.Hope you write more..
by
Anonymous02/21/08
Like the idea....but tune it up a little more
The idea of this white guy and this sexy black barmaid is a great one. Add some polish by losing the run-on sentences and making sure spelling is right. There was plenty of build-up and good description to why he'd be hooked on Shannon, but the sex was too briefly described, as if it were 30 seconds of foreplay and 30 seconds of sex and then voila. Flesh out the foreplay and describe the sex more like you described how this guy appreciated how Shannon looked. Use that detail to build up the 'highlight' and then you'll have 4 or maybe even 5-star material
by
Anonymous01/13/11
Great
Awesome story, I hope u'll right a new chapter! :)
English
I thought it was pretty good build up
though somehow felt disappointed when it went to blow job the way it did. Not that it's wrong or anything. I donno. I was beginning to expect something better, I suppose, youknowwhatImean?
Maybe White boys can't jump...but we CAN groove
Not bad at all; not bad at all!
And she reminds me of an incredibly beautiful ex of mine (alas, the one that got away). Nice list of guitarists, but I would add Elmore James for the sliding twang (after all, Monsieur George Harrison got the cue for abfab slide playing from this bloke as much as he did from Ravi); don't forget Blackbird Mc Knight andJessie Johnson, who plugged in Jimi's brilliance wit der Phunk; and oh-what-the-hell, yer gotta throw in Ron Isley, Nile Rogers for the groove, and top it off with Vernon Reid for the post-modern power. And if you want that caf au lait Goddess to move in, one might as well tackle Charlie Christian and Wes Montgomery, too.
By the way, your guitarist may like a bit of a puff, now and then, but he's got the groove. After all, his love definitely preferred Jimi and Albert to Ratt and Poison (yeh, she's beautiful and has taste; how good can it get??)
One final thing; does that beautiful sistah have, umm, you know, a sister who will give another White guitarist a second look?
I really liked it!
I'm a huge fan of the love stories between a BF/WM, and this had humor and warmth...the only real critique i have is that it was too short. i get that a lot about my writing too, so i can sympathize. Sometimes a story needs to end just the when the author feels like it should, but you left us wanting more! Keep up the writing!
Grrrrreeeaaaat !!!
OK, this is fantasy. The guy is a bit too much of a Nice Guy to bed a girl like her.
Anyway the blow job does not come too fast, they are just both very horny, so the sex does not last a lot. This is very true.
Clopatra26
I loved it.Being a black woman,i have always loved white men.Hope you write more..
Like the idea....but tune it up a little more
The idea of this white guy and this sexy black barmaid is a great one. Add some polish by losing the run-on sentences and making sure spelling is right. There was plenty of build-up and good description to why he'd be hooked on Shannon, but the sex was too briefly described, as if it were 30 seconds of foreplay and 30 seconds of sex and then voila. Flesh out the foreplay and describe the sex more like you described how this guy appreciated how Shannon looked. Use that detail to build up the 'highlight' and then you'll have 4 or maybe even 5-star material
Great
Awesome story, I hope u'll right a new chapter! :)
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