Dream Girl

Great story - Great descriptions!

Wow……such fun! I felt like I was there watching! My wife and I have shared with others and I would love to tell you about our erotic times…….you can reach me any time at florida_beaches@aol.com

"I decided to follow and see what you were up to."
" I figured I'd just follow along and see what you were up to."

We got it the first time. No need to repeat.

"Her breasts felt good against mine" You have breasts?

A good 7" long and 1-1/2 inches thick. - Just NO.

"I lost track at 10 spurts, but I think there could have been 12. Ten was my record and was easily an eighth cup of the best cum ever shot from a dick." An "eighth of a cup?" Did you have a measuring cup handy? Measuring and counting - another NO.

Thanks

Maybe there is a way to reply to individual comments here, but I haven't found it. Thanks for the criticism. Good points. Always nice to hear what people like as well as what didn't work. I appreciate hearing from all who took the time to read and comment.

Keep writing! You have potential. I have to agree with the other anon. I really doubt that any male past puberty who is having sex with a hot woman would count the number of squirts he makes or the volume of his semen. A list of immaterial statistics is out of place in erotica. As a woman, I couldn't care less about dick size (unless it's freakishly small or scarily huge) nor how many pumps come from it. I've never thought, "That must be 7 1/2!"

" Finally, she gave my balls a soft, playful kick." I don't know and I could be wrong, but does any man enjoy a kick in the balls, no matter how soft? Would any woman do this? I certainly wouldn't.

Solid Story

Your narrator is a likeable character; I think a lot of people would be able to relate to him. Very enjoyable to read about his encounter with Beth. I agree with other commenters that the measurements detract from the story, but it's still a solid read. (And I liked that Beth didn't give the *perfect* blowjob. Sometimes there's accidental teeth scrapes or rough ball handling. It makes the story more realistic.)

Dream ride

Lovely outdoor descriptions, air and water on skin, immediate, arousing.
"So, in theory, I would have the beach and the road to myself until 6:00 tomorrow morning."
Ah, "theory."
Nicely written.