by TinaaT92
You slip from first pov to third pov throughout the whole story. Names should always be capitalized. It was an okay story, no real connection to either character, because there's something missing within the flow of your writing. Proofreading and an editor's extra set of eyes could help you with the mechanics of your writing. Don't give up!
Don't give up, you have some ability as a storyteller.
Do get an editor and proofreader, there are a lot of mistakes some other eyes would catch for you.
"So Domi and I decided that tonighr we are all going to find Bice gentleman and not the sleeve bags we always run into. I'm getting older and my body is ready for some real loving and you know what I mean T. That is our mission tonight okay?"
I stopped there, honestly, did you even proof read it? And use names not letters for people, it gets mighty annoying.
You have talent, don't pay much attention to negative comments. Keep writing, find someone to help you, and you will become better.