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This has a great story line and can be really developed into a great series but the chapters need to be longer and obviously more of them!
I agree anonymous.
I agree, the chapters need to be longer. My available time to write is limited but I do have a few more short chapters to add. Maybe I could just make it two long chapters...I'll post as soon as time permits.
Editing
I could barely make it through the story the grammar is so bad. Lack of proper punctuation, quotation marks, barely any descriptions. If the other chapters are like this than it's not really worth reading.
Good story and looking forward to more
That being said, in some of the stories (not just this one), there are grammar issues. From what I have read here on Literotica, virtually everyone is an amateur writer. As far as I know, there is no income from posting here. American English is not even the primary language of most of the writers, so stop bitching about grammar. Be constructive, yes by all means, but don't be a hateful ass about it.
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