This seemed very rushed. Take time to add more details to help develop your story more.
by
Anonymous07/11/16
You need an editor
And not just for the glaring errors, such as 'Champaign' when you meant champagne.
This chapter is choppy and seems to be rushed. I have no better understanding of the plot or the characters, than I did after reading the first chapter.
Take your time.
You capitalize Rolls Royce and Siberian, but most of the time you only capitalize someones name is when it is the first word in a sentence.
It should be all the time.
It should always be Michael.
It should always be Taylor.
And honorifics like Mister, Mr., Mrs., Ms. or Miss should always be capitalized too.
by
Anonymous09/30/16
Fuck! I thought I'd give you the benefit of doubt after how painful chapter 1 was to read, but this was a lot worse!
English
This seemed very rushed. Take time to add more details to help develop your story more.
You need an editor
And not just for the glaring errors, such as 'Champaign' when you meant champagne.
This chapter is choppy and seems to be rushed. I have no better understanding of the plot or the characters, than I did after reading the first chapter.
Take your time.
weird capitalization mistakes
You capitalize Rolls Royce and Siberian, but most of the time you only capitalize someones name is when it is the first word in a sentence.
It should be all the time.
It should always be Michael.
It should always be Taylor.
And honorifics like Mister, Mr., Mrs., Ms. or Miss should always be capitalized too.
Fuck! I thought I'd give you the benefit of doubt after how painful chapter 1 was to read, but this was a lot worse!
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