I agree with kaf. Your punctuation is terrible. Your sentence structure is barely less terrible, since those two things go together. I almost quit reading after the first few paragraphs--it was almost unreadable. And the beginning is weak because you are telling us, not showing us.
Then in the middle, during the sex with Kelly and Mary you did a better job. And then you committed coitus interruptus. What the moose did to the narrator and his girlfriend, you did to the story.
Sorry, but your work needs a lot of work.
English
Rats!
Well, it started out pretty hot, then fisseled like a premature egectulation....
Get two editors!
I agree with kaf. Your punctuation is terrible. Your sentence structure is barely less terrible, since those two things go together. I almost quit reading after the first few paragraphs--it was almost unreadable. And the beginning is weak because you are telling us, not showing us.
Then in the middle, during the sex with Kelly and Mary you did a better job. And then you committed coitus interruptus. What the moose did to the narrator and his girlfriend, you did to the story.
Sorry, but your work needs a lot of work.
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