A very good first story, though it seemed rushed to the presses at the end where you had an excellent opportunity to write a great chapter... But as they say, that's for another day! ;) thank you!
What was missing for me was a hook into who exactly the 2 main characters were substantively. Yeah, fine, you grabbed "the glass ceiling" trope but gave me nothing about who each woman was. Hell, you spent more time describing their damned clothes than you did who each of them were as people. First rule: give the reader something to care about. Work on that. I'd love to care about the characters I'm watching fuck. It'd make me more invested in the narrative.
You've got talent. Good first draft but it needs more meat & taters on the bare bones you gave us. It'll be cool to read more of your stories.
English
too rushed
You jumped to the sex too early!
A good erotic story has build up! This has excellent bones. It just needs the meat. Fantastic potential.
More please!!!
Liked it a lot! But I hope there's more, especially the threesome, now that we know about it... Thanks for sharing!
Yes it was a little rushed but was erotic and sexy as fuck.
Very good!
A very good first story, though it seemed rushed to the presses at the end where you had an excellent opportunity to write a great chapter... But as they say, that's for another day! ;) thank you!
Decent
What was missing for me was a hook into who exactly the 2 main characters were substantively. Yeah, fine, you grabbed "the glass ceiling" trope but gave me nothing about who each woman was. Hell, you spent more time describing their damned clothes than you did who each of them were as people. First rule: give the reader something to care about. Work on that. I'd love to care about the characters I'm watching fuck. It'd make me more invested in the narrative.
You've got talent. Good first draft but it needs more meat & taters on the bare bones you gave us. It'll be cool to read more of your stories.
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