All Comments on 'Brown Sugar'

by simcock

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AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago
a bit formal

I really appreciate the practiced quality of the writing, but it's a bit disconcerting trying to reconcile sentences like ""I you want to fuck me" and "We need not play head games". The piece would benefit from a more consistent voice, and honestly is probably a bit formal if you're not setting it in a historical time period or a romance novel. Keep up the quality of the writing though.

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