Moving Back Home

Not Bad

So far so good. I hope he ends up being husband to both mom/Steph. That would be awesome.

Great start!

Too short to earn a "5," but you're heading in the right direction!

.

Add some more please. This is a good start

Great start

Can't wait to see where this goes.

No title

This is an attention getter . Plus you have SO much MORE to explore . You've got you and your sister , you and your Mom, your mom and your sister and last but certainly not least , the three of you . Then you've got in the pool , in the hot tub and in various rooms in the house . Then you can add weekend trips , vacations and how about family re-unions(there's a shit pile of possibilities).

!

1 any shorter if would've been a paragraph.

Confusion over names

In the second paragraph the reader is told that the guys name is John, (My name is John, I am 24 years old, 6'1 and in pretty good shape.) yet later on this then changes into Chris.(Hello, earth to Chris, hello!?')
Considering that the introduction to this story is Chris comes home, the question must be asked as just who is John?

Yes, your story got my attention and Yes a second chapter is a great idea. You have the elements here to create a very hot story line and I hope Chris and Steph get it on soon when Mom isn't there but then Mom does the same to her baby boy when Steph is gone. Many possibilities. Can't wait for more. Thank you.

john or chris

how do you mess that up in just a couple of paragraphs?

GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love the story so far please continue.

GOOD START BUT A LITTLE SHORT

This was a good start! hope chris becomes lover/husband for mom and sis and maybe father of children for both! Please continue!!!

"Another chapter to follow if response is good."

If the only way you'll continue your own story is if people kiss your ass, don't bother.

SPELLING !!!

Maybe I'm in the minority, but spelling errors really spoil a story for me...for instance..it's BEET red, not beat.....SEEN, not scene.....

Continue if???????

How arrogant of you. "I will continue if you shower me with praise and adoration".....pompous ass. That was nothing more than an intro. And learn how to spell or get a proofreader who speaks English.

Yes

Absolutely another chapter or three is needed.

there's a term for saying I will continue if you show me some love.. it's begging..not the many authors on here don't say that, but I've never been a fan of that.

Please don't continue unless you hire an editor. It's free so there really isn't any excuse for not using one.

hurry up and get to the good bits

an ok set up and could go far but already bored so hurry the fuck up

One has to wonder...

how many perfectly spelled and punctuated five star stories each of these overtly vitriolic critics have submitted. I strongly doubt they behave in this manner with family, friends, coworkers or anyone else, face to face, in real life. Ignore these flaming assholes. I would like more, please. Five stars.

A promising start.

Yes, the names were mixed up. Yes, there were spelling mistakes. Some of these critics need to take a pill! I prefer to think that you were asking if it was worthwhile to continue your story, not that you were soliciting praise. Everyone makes mistakes - check out some of the critical comments on this site. The question is - can you learn from them and improve your writing. By all means continue your story and ignore critics that hide behind 'Anonymous'. An editor or even proofreading can help, though.

please. more.

I'm already stroking but left high and dry. Please. More....