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English
So much fun! And HOT!!
I thoroughly enjoyed this dance you painted with dialogue! So Delicious!
Some small distractions with "whole" where "hole" seems to be the correct word and 1 or 2 other minor stumbles. Over all one of the most fun erotic reads ever. So much communicated with so little :)
not bad
You could call this a screenplay, or simply a play. Just the dialogue, minimal (to none) set directions etc.
Unfortunately (for me) Marco came across as an asshole in the first few exchanges. Indeed, why not be direct, rather than trying to be clever? I couldn't get past my own first impressions, as it were. What's worse for my reading experience, Laverne didn't fare any better for going along it.
Oh well, as an overheard conversation it achieves its purpose
Needs a second chapter
You have a gift to paint a picture using words. Great dialogue but would love to see another chapter of this located at the reserved house of the potter.
Loved it!
So clever and original. What a fun read.
Seems good but...
Seems like a good story but I kept getting lost in the exchanges and could not track who was saying what. Please add some "he said" "she said".
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